I think it would have been better as just "Riley's guide dog Fang barked."
You have also used BB code incorrectly. You should have these brackets: [ ] not < >
Otherwise, that was a nice start. I didn't spot any other errors, and it was pretty intense at times.
I think my favourite part was the initial description, with the sparkling and the snowflakes. I just think it was really well done and clear (and nice) to imagine.
You have also used BB code incorrectly. You should have these brackets: [ ] not < >
Otherwise, that was a nice start. I didn't spot any other errors, and it was pretty intense at times.
I think my favourite part was the initial description, with the sparkling and the snowflakes. I just think it was really well done and clear (and nice) to imagine.