Introvert's Mind - Comments

I like it so far carry on writing

A lot of this doesn't seem worded correctly to me and I don't want to get picky and show you why because a lot of writers get pissed and take offense to that, but I would suggest getting a really really good beta just in case. This is really cliche but it has a promise to it and it's pretty good so far.

Here are some small things that really caught my attention.

none other than his friend’s Luke <-- friend, not friend's.

But that’s not exactly what caught their attention the most, it was the girl sitting in between the guy’s, you don't need an apostrophe in guys. That would be like saying "the girl sitting between the guy is."

You have to watch where you use certain words and where you switch "on" and "in."

There was something about Dakotah's hair trailing down her back and you said in her back. That would imply she has hair inside of her back...which she doesn't or else she's an alien. It should be down her back.

A little more work and this story could really, really be great.

It kind of reminded me of my school in a way. With all the chaos in the hallway on the last day. I loved that you were descriptive and I could really picture how the hallway looked. The summary was very interesting and it pulled me in from the start. I think that it'll be a really good book.

I love the simplicity of the layout.
Unf! I love his name! it just has that...tone to it you know?

I love the way you described things. Especially at the start. I never thought of looking at everything that way. Everyone pretty much just thinks of summer, never really caring what's left behind. I like that.
So I'm going to go ahead and take a guess; something shall happen between him and Dakota?

Speaking of her, she seems...eccentric? But I'm not sure because you haven't officially introduced her into the story. We shall see.
I'm subbing :}

Layout: Gurrl you already know how much I love the layout. It has a clean cut feeling to it and it's quite refreshing. And the banner...I feel drawn to how the girl presses her hands close to her face and they bend sort of awkwardly.

MOVING ON.

Chapter One ): Ahhh I saw what you did there. You made a dirty joke without knowing. You can't fool these eyes.

What dirry joke, Snow?

DAKOTA ASKING LUKE FOR A PENCIL.

A pencil. Really? A big, fat pencil.

:D

And I already like Luke. He just seems really adorable. And Dakota feels like someone I could be close to. Like, we could be close friends and shit : D

Update soon, yeah?

Yeah.

<3

When I saw that Melissa Gaskarth; commented on this, I knew it had to be good! And I was right, this story is very well put together and very well written.
The detail is very good and I figured out the characters personalities very quickly. I'm subscirbing to see how Miss. Dakotah Samuels turns out.

First off, I love the title, keeping it short and simple, lahv it! The layout too, it's just so clean cut, and nice, lahv that too.

On to the story content! Your descriptions are excellent, and really enveloped me inside the world you were creating through this story. Your descriptions of the crowded school hallways were simply divine!

You've definitely got a great story going here, and you've hooked me in, so I'll be sticking around to see how this story develops.

This is a wonderful start! i can't wait to read more of this. I love the way you described the characters. Dakotah has got to be my favorite so far. I'm definatley going to subscribe.

Great start!
The layout looks really good.
If I wasn't trying to keep up with a ton of stories already, I would totally subscribe. I'll try my best to keep up with you. :)
I really like the Summary and the description of Dakotah in Thomas's eyes. It was very intruguing!
Good luck darling. :)

This is intriguing, I'm wondering how this will turn out. I don't normally read these things, but I do like this. There was a few errors and it seemed a little fast paced, but that's just me. It certainly does not change anything on how good this really is. You really have a way with words. I really did feel like I was in my own highschool. They sound so much alike xD

I love the description, is it true? Or did you make up the thing about, "There are more than 6,000,000,000 persons living on this planet. There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year."

None the less I like it, it made me want to read it more. You should really continue, I would like to see how this turns out :)

Also I love this part "She wasn’t the most beautiful, or the skinniest girl in the world, but she just had that air about her that made everyone want to know her." It gives me chills for some reason, maybe because I think of it as her aura.

Subscribing!

I love this story :)
And ahhh Tony from Skins!

I love your layout, it's very pretty yet so simple and it's the simpleness of it all that makes the layout really pretty and it's a great contrast of colours. :)

The summary is extremely intriguing, it's like it compels the reader to read more, it does hint at the fact it might be a love story without going into too much detail which is fabulous, because it's a big pet peeve of mine when people go into too little or too much detail but yours was just right, it only hinted at what the story was going to be about. :)

Ahaha, I love the first paragraph of your story. It's so descriptive yet so true, when school ends, all we just care about is getting out of that place after saying meaninglessness goodbyes to people we don't even like.

Ooh, at Thomas observing Dakotah. It's obvious, sh*t, either good or bad, is going to go down in the summer and I'm most interested in knowing what's going to happen so I'm definitely adding this to my subscription list.

Keep up the fab work <3

This was really good.. And I'm in the middle of packing so I can't write about how much I loved it. But next time. :)

IM SUBSCRIBING NO DOUBT, GURL.

The layout is very pretty, and I have to agree with SuKawaii, the teal and grey really contrast and it's very pretty x3

Um...WTF? Why haven't you started this? This is definitely a must-update-story. Oh gawd, I'm VERY VERY EXCITED for you to start this. I want to know what happens. Your summary doesn't reveal too much but its definitely captivating ;D

I learned something new today~ x3
There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year aha (:
Update soon <3

....I hate you. YOU MADE IT SO DAMN SHORT AND I WANT TO KNOW MORE NOW. So I guess that means I'll have to subscribe and read. ;) But really, it's brilliant so far. It's so mysterious and made a chill run down my spine, so that means it's for sure going to be awesome. And you know I only read quality. Consider me to be a regular reader / commenter. <3 Oh, and the layout is beautiful and sets a creepy tone for the story!

the summary is very.. mysterious. the whole time stopping thing got me interested for sure. I think you have yourself a great idea, and I'm sure the story will shine through beautifully <3 :)

The summary really drew me in to the story, giving just the right amount of detail but not really giving much of the story for the reader to figure out on their own.

The statistics were a cool detail to include, and not one I find in stories usually so it was very different. I find myself very interested to see what you plan to do with this :D

As for the layout, the teal and the grey compliment each other quite well, and I like how the title is almost hidden in a sense.

Nice work :D Looks lovely<3