Without a Doubt - Comments

First things first, I apologize for the delay in reading your story. This story sounds very promising and im glad its not like the everyday cliche story of love. The point is made and not sugarcoated at all. Although the converse and skinny jeans are a bit cliche the structure and details make up for it. Your vocabulary is amazingly sophisticated which makes the story more enjoyable for me to read. Clones, we all had/had them at schools but having most of the girls looking like one is definitely differently. At least to me it is. I hope this story doesn't end up being like all of the others because it's off to a good start. I didn't find any grammar errors which is nice too, they're a pet peeve of mine. Well done so far.

First off, love for the layout. Very pretty.
Prologue:
It can open up your eyes, or shut them forever. It can heal your heart, but can also destroy it. Romantic love can end happily ever after or can crash and burn. I adore this line right here. Perfection.
You need to write out fourteen.
Sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, their love is just not enough to conquer the world. I also really loved this line right here. :)
I also liked the ending. Let me wanting to read more. I have to say, the prologue flowed very well. Good start.

Two:
I'm not crazy about present tense, however it's okay because you start telling the story in the past. :) So it's good.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself. There doesn't need to be a comma after but.
Yes, that's right, new meat. I think it would make more sense to say fresh meat since that's what they call freshman.
I like her name. I like it when people in stories have original names because I don't picture them as someone I already know.
My mother always told me that she got it from King Arthur and that it was a city or a Church in Ireland and we're not even Irish! You should put a comma after Ireland.
In the void left behind there was only swirling darkness filled with pessimistic thoughts, I like this line.
The girls were talking loudly and were making excited gestures. I think you should take out the second were to make it sound less awkward.
You need to write out twenty. Any number under below 100 needs to be written out.
So this is a great start, I think. It should turn out very well. :)

I really like it. The name is awesome. That is the most creative name I have ever heard. I get so sick of names like Elizabeth and Jeremy but that was awesome haha.

Whoa. Just...whoa. I was not expecting this. It hit me with a bang. With a BOOM or a wompwomp! What I'm saying is that it shocked my eyes wide open. I actually was expecting some kind of love story or something of the sort. After all, the introduction on the summary page did make it seem as if heartbreak was involved, and everyone knows where there's heartbreak, there was once love.

Then I began reading the prologue and I was just amazed at your sense of description. It's very good, very detailed, but not too much. I was a bit confused at some form of grammar in the first paragraph, but after that, it felt like exiting a storm of fog and entering into a clearing with such illuminating light that could blind a blind man. It was awesome, it really was. I love how you talked about love. It was brilliant. I'm impressed. And that's not often.

I liked the second chapter too. It was neatly put, the description was still just as great. It took you from imagery to more imagery in a not all freaky organized way, but it led you, you could just read along and imagine it. It was good. It really was.

I'm subscribing. :)

-Echo

I love the layout. c;

Chapter one
I love the way your words seem to flow so nicely together and how your descriptions are so detailed but don't give away way too much. I like the way that you describe the several types of love and I think it's a brilliant way to start a story about what seems to be heart break (correct me if I'm wrong!)

Chapter two
I like the way you describe the main character's childhood and explain what has happened up until the more current events going on in her life. I like the way that you described the girls in the auditorium and they were all "cloned."

Soon, I traded in my Nikes and soccer shorts for converse and skinny jeans. I'm not too keen on this line. It seems that most stories have their main characters in converse and skinny jeans nowadays. :l

Aside from that, I think this is wonderful so far. I think you've definitely got a good story on your hands and I'd like to see how you continue this. c;

I really like how it starts. The first chapter was a little bit funny, but it has wisdom in it too.

I like the little bits of humor you’ve put in here, like starting when she was born, but changing her mind and starting somewhere else instead.

Soon, I traded in my Nikes and soccer shorts for converse and skinny jeans. – I don’t really like this part. It’s a bit too… assuming, if that makes sense. As if only one specific type of person wears converse and skinny jeans or something. But later in the chapter when clothes were mentioned again, I thought it was fine because she’s right. Who wouldn’t notice neon colored pants?

I had been drained of all my [self esteem]. In the void left behind there was only swirling darkness filled with pessimistic thoughts, disparaging comments from my classmates, and a negative [self view]. – I thought after the first part, the last part was redundant. Maybe reword it or get rid of one or the other?

Every seat in the middle section of the auditorium was occupied by what appeared to be a girl cloned over and over again. – I liked this. It was creative description. :)

There were only very few typos like in the first paragraph “Psychologist” shouldn’t start with a capital letter since it’s not a proper noun.

As for the overall impact of the story, I thought the first chapter and the first part of the second chapter were quite good because it makes the readers wonder what will happen. But later in the second chapter, it gets a little less interesting. The very last paragraph was a good attempt at getting the interest back up. But maybe add just a little bit more of a clue as to what might happen on her birthday?

I think you have the ability to make this a really good story though. :)

Layout and Banner:
Both are beautiful, but perhaps in the layout you might consider making the title 'invisible'? As in, the same colour as the background. It is in the banner after all :)
Summary:
I love it. Short, sweet and poetic. An intriguing, beautiful beginning.

Chapter One:
Ah, love. What person can honestly say they have not been touched by it? I much enjoy how you point out the fact that there are 'love experts' but we don't know who the hell they are! Also, the different types of love you talk about are nicely done, although I do have one suggestion.
Instead of Love occurs in various forms; friendship, family, co-worker, God (or gods), and lastly, romantic love; what about:
Love occurs in various forms: the love for friends, familial love, love for your co-workers, religious love and lastly, romantic love.
Just altered very slightly, but it seems to flow a bit better. Just a suggestion :)

The last line is brilliant, and is what made me want to read the next chapter. Beautiful.

Chapter Two:
I like the subtle humour in this.
It all started on the day I was born, at Frankford Torresdale hospital during the blizzard of 1994...okay, maybe I won't start that far back made me giggle quietly as I read it, something I rarely do on here. Congratulations ;)
Ah, Meghera. How I can relate! My name doesn't even exist! It's a mix of my mum's name and my dad's name. So far, Meg is very, very relatable, poor child.
I like that she's made a friend. When you've named a brand, you've spelt it Aeropastle. Forgive me if I'm wrong, as I'm not American, but isn't it spelt with a 'o': Aeropostle? I'm not entirely sure.

This is very well-written, beautifully designed and well-crafted. Clearly you know where you're going and I can't wait to learn more, especially as to why our darling Meghera is in therapy.
Very well done!

^ Woah! I didn't mean for everything else to be underlined after Chapter 2! :O Oops, my bad.

First off, the layout and banner are very gorgeous. They set a nice mood for the story. And I really like the quote too. It tells me that it’ll probably be a romance that is troubled or wasn’t meant to be.

Chapter 1

Wow, that was really good. I liked it a lot and so much of it was true.

This stuck out to me in particular: Often, the teenage years are the hardest years for love to remain strong. - Obviously, I’m a teenager and even though I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything, I can really relate to that. I feel like we try and cling to somebody even though we’re so young. We just want to find ourselves and be loved. Ugh, I just love that line.

And I love how the end paragraph leads into more and more detail about the teen love.

Great job on that chapter! :D

Chapter 2[/url]

The title is really good and clear. I like that. :) And woah, she’s in therapy? Ah, that’s harsh. That means that something really bad must have happened.

She has an interesting and unique name. I can relate. XD But also, her name reminds me of my best friend’s boyfriend’s name; McGarrett. /weird and slightly off-topic

I like her skinny jeans and converse, lol. But it does suck that she got bullied that bad. =/ I feel for her.

Woah, I wonder how things went downhill? :O
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Okay, so I really liked this so far. I want to know why things went so bad and who she fell in love with! Ah, please do tell me when you update!

I would also like to add in that this amazingly written! Not to mention the plot is interesting and kept my attention and it had GREAT detail. Honestly I'm rather envious, I wish I could write that much detail and make it flow as well as you do! Update soon?

First off I LOVE the fact that this an original fiction, not to mention this is very relate-able! This is a great start to what I'm sure is going to be a great story!

I'm very interested in where this goes! I really like her name and where it comes from. But for the layout, it was very origninal, but kinda of plain. And not that plain is bad, but I don't really think it goes with the story.

I like this story so far! On my first day of freshman year, I wore neon pink skinny jeans and converse...awkward. Haha.

I totally relate to you, and this story. I used to be bullied (not physically) but emotionally, but it wasn't for being smart or skinny, it was from wearing glasses because I had to wear glasses from 2nd grade until around my junior year. I was teased up until sophmore. Lol.

Anways, I like your story. It's easy to imagine everything too. And te story is well-written. :) Thanks for the great read! I will now sub.

Mmm...hi. (Ha, how awkward does THAT sound?) So the layout is kind of bugging me. It doesn't really fit with the banner.
For me personally the story so far seems kind of... cliche? I mean I know it's not the STORY yet but so far it's kind of like "Hi, this is me. And THIS will be my story". Maybe instead of recapping (if that's the right word) you should start the story and add those details into it as you go. My opinion though(:
I do like your writing style though.

:}

Okay, I love this. The prologue was my favorite. Your writing really grasps you from the getgo. I feel like everything I've ever tried to write about love in my own words, you did for me in the prologue. Very, very good.
: ]

I love the proluge. I kinda felt I was reading from a philospher -which is a major complement- Can't wait for the actual chapters and what the storyline has.

The layout was simple yet beautiful <3
I fell in love with the intro line since its true in many ways :P and its kinda a big thing for me to get into a story
I wasn't expecting such a a wide range of vocabulary but I loved it nonetheless :)
The last sentence made me think about some past experiences but in a good way. It makes me curious about what's to happen next, so I'm kinda mad at you for leaving me hanging hahaa.
Overall, the vocabulary was impeccable(I fell in love with that too <3) and you did an amazing job :)

The summary, while short, is very nice. It draws the reader in, and makes them wonder just what has happened to this beloved couple portrayed in the banner. Very nice. I like the prologue, as well. I'm subbing!! =D

The summary, while short, is very nice. It draws the reader in, and makes them wonder just what has happened to this beloved couple portrayed in the banner. Very nice. I like the prologue, as well. I'm subbing!! =D