Turn Every Good Thing to Rust - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.

I love how you wrote for this prompt. The idea that a teenager just beat the crap out of someone and then realized after how wrong he was is really fascinating. The relationship between Carey and Andrew is really interesting, you always see people saying how they'd take a bullet for someone or help them hide a body, but that actually happens with these two and you showed it really well. It's like you captured the true essence of what it means to be someone's best friend in such a short time frame.

I really enjoyed the opening paragraph, it was blunt and to the point and set up the whole story really well. I also like how you say "the first time", which also sets up the end of the story really well. I enjoyed the progress of emotion and thought process that Andrew had, from the beginning where he was flustered and knew what he did was wrong, and was almost in a haze, to the end where he was almost feeling satisfied that he had gotten away with something so terrible. It was subtle and worked into the chapter so well that you almost didn't notice it until it happened.

Overall, great job! Thanks for entering.

Okeh. First of all ze layout. It was really beautiful. I loved the colors and the banner especially. I love your banners. That first line really, really catches attention (which is why I clicked on this in the first place) and I adore how much detail you put into it. Okay…I don’t know this new couple, but I feel terrible for Andrew. D: Again, the way you put his feelings in parenthesis is so good. I love seeing that in your writing. It’s sort of like I’m getting extra insight into the story that I normally wouldn’t. Carey is an awesome friend. (I’m sort of jumping around now, but yeah…I do that when I’m exhausted. xD) I adore how he thinks that if the police come get him he won’t let them do anything to Carey. It’s sweet.

I can’t say much more than what everyone else has commented. It’s really good, really chilling. I haven’t really read a murder story where the murderer is actually sorry or upset that he’s killed someone. They’re usually insane and just like tralala, killed another person today! That was a bit different from the norm for me. ;) Excellent job as always. <3 Haven

This has such a powerful opening. It slaps you in the face and doesn't sugarcoat the situation. Andrew has done what's he done and that's it. There's no attempts as justification. That's something I really love. You didn't try to add any glamour to his actions. You just gave us harsh reality.

Like many others, I enjoyed how you focused on the emotional side of the situation. It keeps you wondering what really went on with the murder. Also, you just get a sliver of Andrew's past by the fact that he was bullied by Jacob.

This was written really well. I really liked how Carey didn't question Andrew. She just went and helped her best friend. It's a wonderful dynamic between the two. I really liked this.

I've been meaning to read this for awhile now but, obviously, I'm just getting around to it now. First off, I absolutely love the general idea of this; the summary was so ridiculously intriguing and I don't believe I've ever seen any Andrew / Carey fics floating around, which is unfortunate; they are just so adorable. Anyways, onto the story.

I love how you started the story off in such a sheer way. You didn't try to pretty the event up or have Andrew really rationalizing his actions. He knows that he did something bad, end of. I'm also glad that you didn't go into ridiculous detail about the murder either though; I really do not like when people overemphasize the gore and blood in a situation instead of focusing on the emotional effects. You, however, have found the perfect medium. (:

They drag the body over to the serial killer trees... I've never heard trees described as serial killers but it really is too appropriate for this story. xD

This piece was just wonderfully written. The relationship between Andrew and Carey was just so, so wonderful; that bond was just so well done. That ending was great as well; it just kind of cut off, leaving me with a bunch of questions. How is Andrew going to be able to deal with this in the future? Anyways, this was just wonderful all over and I cannot wait for you to put up the sequel to it. I'll keep watching for it. (:

I liked how I could sense the way that he was feeling, the way that he knew he was wrong but he didn't know how - or why - he was wrong.
and also, I know it probably wasn't meant in this way, but I felt a strong connection between the two, that probably doesn't mean that they should get together, but I can tell that they're close.
The story gave me goosebumps, because I felt as if I was him, the one doing wrong and I was getting paranoid through out the story.

Heh, all in all, good job.

Oops I just realized you aren't posting the rest of the story here xD Damn it!!

Okay, first off, I ADORE your opening paragraphs. You don't shy away from anything and it's why readers won't shy away from reading the rest either. It's violent, but you don't go over the top whilst not leaving anything important out. It's quite a hook. I can't explain how your narration just flows, and I love your word choice in them (greedy and mushy particularly, haha).

There's an emotion here - I imagine it was like a shell of numbness, but through the way you wrote it we can all perceive the wrongness he was feeling. Like, he's not sure where the wrongness lay (when he hit back, when he didn't stop hitting, when he didn't just leave and run away, when he reached the limit), but it's there. It's scary because it's unseen and undescribable, and that's just what the entire scene emanated.

His frenzied speech too, damn I can really imagine him saying it. The "Can you bring the shovel" is the perfect way to end the scene, and also quite sad/chilling/stunning, I can't quite decide.

When Carey arrives, she first reacts the way most people would, but there's something a little off with how quickly she accepted it. Maybe it's just the way she is and the things she's seen, that she's just the kind of person who grew up early, or maybe it's the bit that would make her a believable serial killer later on.

The rest of the burying scene flies by really quick. It's a really smooth read, despite how horrific the situation really is. I love his. observation about 'dead weight.' And this whole scene, as opposed to numbness, it just filled with unspoken tenderness. You didn't need to describe it, even. It was there in the way they interacted, some kind of gentle understanding despite what they were doing. I thought that was so lovely.

And in the next bit, I like how you mentioned that people something ask for the sake of asking, not really expecting a reply. His nervousness is so palpable.

And aw, damn. It shouldn't make me awww, but when he said he's serve her sentence too, it only solidifies the "bond" thing I mentioned earlier. By the way I love the minimal dialogue too, because I love reading your narration. It's really such a comfort to read, despite the subject matter.

The ending is filled with uncertainty, and I think it's a good place to leave it off/start a story with. It's full of possibility, even if we all know it's about to go downhill from here.

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