What I Didn't Expect - Comments

  • Believe.in.yourself

    Believe.in.yourself (100)

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    The first chapter is a little confusing but afater that i love it! For your first one it"s awsome! Can't wait for the next chapter!! XD
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:44pm
  • Love.is.all.you.need

    Love.is.all.you.need (100)

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    Love it already and i'm not kidding.
    Great update. can't wait for more!! :*
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:36pm
  • britts-NAY

    britts-NAY (100)

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    Okay, so, before I comment let me just warn you: I'm very honest.

    I'm not really one for fanfics, but for your first story, this isn't too bad. Although it seems like you wrote the first chapter really fast because words are left out left and right. Something you could improve on: the tone. The tone is a little flat. You should try using a variety of words to show the character's personality, especially since it's first person. Cassandra comes across as a little boring.

    But thats just a critique for general authors. Good job for your first try, but it still needs some dusting off. Keep writing and practicing, though, because otherwise you can't improve :)
    June 6th, 2011 at 07:56am
  • dayou

    dayou (100)

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    i just adore ur story... ur a good writer... plz update ur chapter as soon as u can... love it...!!! <3
    May 29th, 2011 at 11:22pm
  • lelex96

    lelex96 (100)

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    I just love you're new chapter plz update soon:D
    May 26th, 2011 at 11:32pm
  • lelex96

    lelex96 (100)

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    I just love you're new chapter plz update soon:D
    May 26th, 2011 at 11:32pm
  • Jazz1617

    Jazz1617 (100)

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    Great update. Can't wait for the next one. :)
    May 26th, 2011 at 05:54am
  • Jazz1617

    Jazz1617 (100)

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    Off to a good start. Can't wait to see how this turns out. :)
    May 24th, 2011 at 08:52pm
  • Your.Desi.Girl

    Your.Desi.Girl (100)

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    Hey, I'm happy to help support you in any way I can. Awesome update!
    May 24th, 2011 at 05:31pm
  • lelex96

    lelex96 (100)

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    Omg!! I just love you're story and its your first one you are really creative.hurry up and update I can't wait for the next chapter:D
    May 23rd, 2011 at 02:29pm
  • lelex96

    lelex96 (100)

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    Omg!! I just love you're story and its your first one you are really creative.hurry up and update I can't wait for the next chapter:D
    May 23rd, 2011 at 02:29pm
  • lelex96

    lelex96 (100)

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    Omg!! I just love you're story and its your first one you are really creative.hurry up and update I can't wait for the next chapter:D
    May 23rd, 2011 at 02:28pm
  • anne-stessy

    anne-stessy (100)

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    i love it plzz hurry up update soon or ill make u nd im sure u dont want that lol :P
    May 23rd, 2011 at 05:20am
  • Your.Desi.Girl

    Your.Desi.Girl (100)

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    Hell yeah, first commenter! I like the idea, can't wait to see where you go with it, and I think it's a good start for your first story, hun!
    May 23rd, 2011 at 04:55am