May 9th, 2018 at 09:20pm
Hi there, firstly I want to let you know how utterly nostalgic the story made me feel because I have not listened to Avenge Sevenfold in YEARS! In regards to the story, I appreciated the elements you incorporated that made the composure of the band come together- you could feel the proximity and gradual growth. In forms on context however, your use of diction was a little too informal and sometimes pulled me away from the story..for instance, using capital letters in dialogue, or awkward spacing between quotations, over use of exclamation marks, and small stuff like that. The conversations as times did feel a little forced- but it worked in a way because in retrospect to the setting, it was bound to happen.
I also appreciated that you strayed away from the conventional happy ending. Great job!
You painted the picture of an unhappy, borderline abusive marriage perfectly with Brian's marriage to Michelle. It's clear that she was only using him for money, and took pleasure in rubbing in his face how she'd sleep around with any guy she pleased, and would take as much money from him as possible. I'm sure from Brian's POV that meeting Sierra and falling for her must've been the biggest breath of fresh air he'd had since he realized that his promise to Jimmy by marrying Michelle wasn't making him happy, which was what Jimmy really wanted.
In a way, Brian's struggle to decide which promise to uphold reminds me of Byakuya from Bleach. He had to fulfill two promises: uphold his promise to his parents that he'd never disobey any aristocratic rule ever again after marrying Rukia's sister Hisana, a commoner; or, uphold his promise to Hisana that he'd never stop protecting her little sister. In other words, legalistic views vs. compassion. I'm happy that both Brian and Byakuya chose the path of compassion and true happiness.
Well done with this story!