Soulmates - Comments

Update seriously, did he faint or?!???!?!?! Fucking good byes e.e haha

loooooved it!

Finally an update! It's been a while! :D Great update, now I am curious to what Brian will say.

By the way, last chapter you said that there was about 3 more chapters left and then a sequel,right? :) <3

so I've read the first 3 chapters :b now i'm gonna hit the bed. But I have to say that you got me hooked with this story :D can't wait to see how's gonna be the meeting between brian and sierra :D

Comment swap. I read the first three chapters.

I'm not a fan of the way the characters are introduced here. It's a mix between a diary entry of some sort and an actual story taking place, which is confusing me. I do like Sierra. She seems to be very strongminded and knows what she wants from life. For being the only girl in a band, she seems to be holding her ground pretty well! Bringing her past into the present in the form of a guy definitely is an interesting twist.

Grammar wise there is nothing to say about this story, you write very well. Punctuation wise however, it still needs some work. In the first two chapters you put spaces before and after every mark, in the third chapter you lose the spaces altogether. There should only be spaces after punctuation marks, not before.

All in all, I think this is a decent story and Avenged Sevenfold fans will definitely enjoy reading this.

Nice chapter... please update soon :D

Uh oh. Doesnt seem like Sierra is too happy about Brian being there. Anyways keep up the good work! Cant wait for more!

Looooved the updateee!!!!

I came here thanks to the comment swap thing and I must say that I'm glad it happened :D
This story is really good. I really liked it, especially those parts where she revived her past and the interaction between Sierra and her band members.
I also liked how Brian used to be so senseless about everything around him until he met Sierra. I also liked Michelle's character, even if she's supposed to be one of the 'bad guys' of the story. I liked how she kept appearing and how she still reminded Brian of Jimmy, when they were together. Noel was a great character as well.
I think this is a great story, overall, even if the punctuation and dialogue isn't exactly according to Mibba rules.
Good job, anyway. I really enjoyed reading it :D

Love this chapter :D Please update soon

I won't lie, I'm not a fan of Avenged Sevenfold, buuuut the intensity in this story is incredible. Alot writers forget about character development, but you certainly haven't which made me keep on reading, aside from the storyline and never ending fighting. Good job bro :) comment swap ftw!

comment swap;
This is pretty good. I would say that the arguments between Sierra and the bandmates are a good way of showcasing their personalities. Also, I'm not really... fond I guess of the character introduction only because it makes it seem like a journal entry, which is fine if you're writing it like she's writing in her journal, but usually characters usually (depends on how you write them) introduce themselves to other characters, you know? But other than that, good job! :)

They always fight. I would love not to see them fight. Anyways it was a good chapter! Keep up the good work. I cant wait for more!

Oh, I loved this chapter... Damn their problems all the time :( Update soon, I need to know what's going to happen!<3

For the comment swap. I read chapters 1-5.

I like the banter between Sierra and her bandmates. It gives a sense that they all have strong personalities and have known each other for a while, they’re comfortable in each other’s company.

On chapter two, and I’m interested to know more about Michelle and what her story is – whether she knows Brian’s fine with it, or whether she wants to get a reaction? Brian’s numbness to everything – life, marriage – is well-described. He seems to be at the point where nothing matters, everything could go wrong and it wouldn’t matter.

I liked that some of the guys in Devilish Greens weren’t so keen on the idea of touring with Avenged Sevenfold – I feel like that seems real, as I’m sure bands have to tour with bands/singers they may not be fond of, because it’d be a good opportunity for exposure to a new fanbase. And I get the feeling that Jason likes Sierra?

Reading on, I would like if Michelle was given more of a role than just the mean wife of Brian. It just feels too easy to root for Brian and Sierra to get together when Brian and Michelle don’t work and she’s portrayed as she is, if that makes sense?

Some small things in terms of presentation, punctuation, etc:

Make sure to leave spaces after punctuation.

For example: ‘We all grew up in Greece,but felt the need to leave the place at the age of 19.We decided to go and test ourselves abroad.’

Should read as: ‘We all grew up in Greece, but felt the need to leave the place at the age of 19. We decided to go and test ourselves abroad.’

Write out numbers under 100 in full, ie. Nineteen rather than 19.

Make sure to capitalize the word ‘I’ including when it appears in contractions. Example: I’ll instead of i’ll, and I’m instead of im.

One exclamation mark is enough for emphasis – if you want to emphasise something further, you can use italics. You don’t need to censor swearing as long as your story is rated correctly. Use apostrophes where appropriate (eg, its is for possession, it’s is for ‘it is’ / ‘your’ for possession, ‘you’re’ for ‘you are’).

I wasn’t overly fond of Sierra’s character introduction in the first chapter. There’s nothing wrong with it per se but, unless she’s addressing another person or writing this down, it doesn’t read as natural. It’d be more efficient for the character details to be revealed as the story progresses. Of course, that’s my personal preference.

When indicating lapses in time, three-six x’s is sufficient.

The punctuation you’re using after dialogue isn’t correct at the moment. Have a look at some of the mibba threads regarding punctuation (there’s also the article ‘Keep Your Stories Safe from Story Editors’ I think the title is), which has info regarding tags and beats, and which punctuation to use for each.

Overall, there are some things that could be tweaked. I liked the characterisation and the interactions between the characters.

I really like your story :) It’s funny when it needs to be and you keep things interesting. All the characters have their own unique qualities as well (except for the real people that you mentioned) . I would just work a little on the grammar. Not that it is not readable but I can’t help but notice >_< Keep it up!

I'm not really a huge band fiction fan and I usually don't read this type of story. I also don't know who Avenged Sevenfold is or any of the band members, so this was a lot like reading an original story for me.
One thing I noticed in the summary is that there are no spaces after the commas, which is something you might want to fix! I think the story is very good though and you have a good plot going. I can't speak as to how true you stayed to the band member's personality, but I really liked the characters!

I really love this! So glad that the comment swap has thrown a good read my way! I really love this and have found myself reading a lot more Avenged Sevenfold fan fiction since the comment swap was introduced and this fic is better than most! I really love your writing style and I think you're a brave writer to tackle the subject of drugs. Many people avoid it because it's difficult to write but you've done it really well! xx

Man, drugs in the stories are always a heavy thing for me to read, but anyways. I think this is awesome, really well writen and I love avenged senvenfold stories. Deff gonna subscribe to that. Brian should be stronger and just give up on drugs, I know he can do it. Great chapter and great story.

Great job!! This story is really good! And I don't even read Avenged Sevenfold stories!! Keep up the good work. The only thing I found wrong was a few grammatical errors but nothing too big and everyone makes them. And your character development really makes up for that!! Keep writing! This is great!