Desensitize Me - Comments

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So I'm not a huge fan of My Chemical Romance so it's always hard for me to get into a story that involves members of MCR. Another thing I always like to mention is the layout, for me at least, it's hard fot get into a story that doesn't have a layout that grabs my attention. However I do like the whole forbidden love thing, it's always a fun topic to write about and to read!

Hello! I'm not sure if you're still writing this, as it's been a while since you updated. First and foremost, I really like the idea behind this story. The idea of reincarnation and rediscovering past lives isn't one that I see a lot, so it's refreshing.

Also, a forbidden love is my guilty pleasure, so I like the idea of Frank being in a lower class than Gerard, though I wish we had a bit more development on why he's considered inferior. More development on the community in general would be great, because this is such a good idea. It would be a shame to miss the opportunity to really create your own world.

Now, for some (hopefully) constructive criticism. The main thing that detracts from the story, for me, is typos! The later chapters seem to be a lot better with this, but there are still some errors. I would recommend trying to find a beta, or maybe just finding a spell checker program if you aren't using one already. I might suggest going back through some of your previous chapters and editing them for typos, because that can be one of the things that really turns someone off of a story before they give it a chance, you know?

I hope this helps!

please update !? c:

OMFG....
This is fucking amazing, do recommend another update.

Okay so right now its 1:26 am.

I started at midnight.

I've read it twice.

I love it!

<3

Love it <3 please update soon :)

Firstly, you're uncanny ability to describe and be accurate with detail is wonderful. When writing a story it's so important to make the best of less, you do that perfectly by describing an entire scene in a short, sweet and beautiful way.

The story idea, although fanfiction, could be mistaken as original fiction, it's that well planned and thought out. I love the reference to the Phoenix, of course!

You provide great characters that are evolving very well and seem so real and all out a pleasure to be around. This is a wonderful read, I very much enjoyed it!

wow... this is really good! this is very interesting and sad and different from all the other stories i have read here. you did a very good job in describing everything that is going on. also the way you wrote the characters makes it seem like they are real. i cant wait to read more :D

O.O this is REALLY good. A little confusing at times with the P.O.V switches but eventually I got the hang of it.

I have never been much a fan of Frerard stories, but this is incredibly original and well written. Your descriptions and characterisations are fantastic. I'd recommend putting some spacing between your paragraphs however, because right now it looks like one huge chunk of text. But otherwise, this is well-written and I'm very much enjoying it. Keep it up!

First of all, WOW. So Frerard is pretty much my favorite pairing ever, and it has been for years so I pretty much loved this right off the bat, haha... But anyway, this is a really amazing story. You're seriously such a great writer!! You're very descriptive with characters and plotlines, and it makes for a very fun, effortless read. Amazing job!

This is really original and well written. Your characterisation is great, and the attention you pay to detail is also really good for the responder. I particularly like the way you make use of Italics to convey the thoughts of characters as well. It really helps to form a connection with the reader and the character.

One thing I'd have to suggest however, is make better use of the Summary Page! It's your one chance to draw people who possible just click on your story to decide whether or not to read it, in. I understand you're trying to communicate with your reader, however, you possibly put 'the first few chapters...begun!' in the first authors note, as well as the 'well might as well try it...reader!' and then use your captivating writing skills to create a description to intrigue your potential readers :)

as for the whole long chapter thing you mention, I personally think all of your chapters are at a good length, however I think you need to look back at the first and second chapters and edit them with a little spacing between dialogue and description etc, as you have done with the chapters after. It won't be as confronting for those new readers I was talking about earlier, and well help to keep them coming back for more!

Overall, well done, this was great to read, especially because I am only vaguely familiar with MCR ( I know, I should be ashamed of myself haha)

That was amazing! I love how detailed everything is, your style of writing is brilliant! I feel sorry for Gerard though, Frank is being a little harsh :( For no reason, I've decided I don't like Kendrid. He's acting kind of sly towards Frank.

CHALLENGE COMPLETE! :) but now I need more! lol I Flipping LOVE it Doll! :D sooo.... you better hop to it!
and wtf is up with Frankie, I mean... Frank... ?

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! :)

Wow.... okay so, there's a lot to take in from those few chapters! The creatures you have created are fascinating and beautiful, I love all the in-depth information you've given us, about their hierarchies and their mating patterns, all that description on auras was fascinating! Such beautiful imagery, your descriptions are very poetic, they just let the imagination wander and create such beautiful scenarios.

I love Frank's character, I love his dreams (memories) and how connects with everybody, and how all the thoughts run through his head, his mind races sometimes and its really intriguing.

The story line is also wonderful too, it had me on tender hooks the whole way through (I just can not wait for more!).

I'm sorry this comment is quite vague (I really do love your story and can't wait for a new chapter) but I keep being distracted by people phoning to find out if I'm fine, there are massive riots going on in London at the moment, just up the road from me, I'm fine, but sorry for the bizarre gush of a comment.

I love this. It's amazing. It's unique and different. I love it.
Love ya. =)

Okay, you got me; I don't hate Jeffrey... I hate the medicines Frank is taking. I hate the Frank he becomes under their influence. I hate that he pushes Gerard away from him.
But I love this story, nonetheless. I JUST LOVE IT.

«3 XO

Awesome!! I loved it! :) I can't wait for your next update, keep it up! <3