The Stalkers - Comments

Alex! :D <3

Thank you I will write more today :-)

x x x xx

I read so much! I must admit I was like WTF? is going on??? just like the character but then it all made sense, sort of, Agh, Im still confused but...yeah...
Ok so gosh, more and more PLEASE!

Thank you little, I'll try and get one

xxx

Great updates, can't wait for the next one as usual!

I know this has been said before, but just watch your grammar before you post your next chapter. You can get someone to beta it for you if you're having trouble with editing. :)

Thank you! :D xxx

haha he has no clue wat they r talking bout does he
love it
its truning out great

Lol, yes i smiled as i wrote that bit :D

Thank you!

xxx

haha she made him say ow
i love it write more its relly good

Thank you! :D

xxx

This is so good. Can't wait for the next update!

Thank you :D
I will do soon :D

xxx

i love how u got his sister in it
update moer plz n soon

Thank you! :D

Much appreciated :D

xxx

I enjoyed this story very much. The idea brillent. How your writing is mysterious but vivid. I like it. :) Your writing style is good. And I can't wait to read more. :)

Thanks for the help.... xx

You asked for comments, here's mine.

Summary: There is no summary. How come? This is what draws your readers in. A story without a summary or a picture or anything, is like a book without a cover. If you've got no idea what it's about, chances are you'll put it right back on the shelf and move onto something else that catches your attention.

Chapter one:
I don't know why you make new paragraphs randomly where you really shouldn't make new paragraphs. It disrupts the flow and makes it really difficult to get into some sort of pace when reading. There's not a lot in the chapter to draw me in, not enough descriptions, not enough emotion. You also don't capitalize all your I's, and the dialog isn't properly formatted, which also makes it difficult to read.

Chapter two:
You're doing a bit better at the paragraphing now, but it still feels random. Dialog not properly formatted, as you need to have a double paragraph between every two people speaking. You're also not using commas or punctuation where they're needed. As well as that you jump from present to past tense here and there. A bit more detail, but not enough to really draw me in, make me see the scene in front of me.

The same basically goes for the following chapters as well.

I think it'd do you good to take a look in this thread for help with how to properly format your stories and how your dialog should look, etc. The actual concept of the story is good, you clearly have a lot of imagination, but the presentation unfortunately takes away so much of it that it's just not worth it.

You could also get a beta, if you feel that would help you.
Here you can look for that.

At the end of the day, this story breaks the writing guidelines of Mibba and is in violation of the rules. It's also a shame because it has potential but the presentation doesn't do the idea just. Work on the technicality of your writing first, and then your story will be much, much more interesting and easy to read.

And also, remember that it's always more enchanting when the author shows you with words, instead of just telling you. Paint a picture with your words, it'll help you a great deal.

Cheerio!

emo_vamp210 -

Thank you :D

I love all the positive feedback i am getting, this is amazing :D

xxx

Sunset Explosion - Wow.

What can I say, you have analyzed my story perfectly, you have understood every single bit :D

Thank you so much, this is perfect :D

xxxx

rebecca_reaper -

Thank you, yes i have problems with my spelling and grammar and punctuation, i am hoping to get and editor

xxx

it wonderful n da last chaper was funny
update more cuz im in love with it