Before i left i wanted to leave a comment on your story and apologise for not doing it a sooner. This is a beautiful piece of writing and i really believe your super talented with words you have a way with them, making them work in your favour =). well done you
Hey! This is great!!! Not only is it a great plot, but your style is very mature :) one of my worst pet-peeves is when people switch tenses in the middle of a story...which you dont do :) so great job!
Oh okay I love you for being honest and telling me what to fix Yeah, i was thinking about that......i'm gonna try to fix up some stuff in this story, such as the Ms. Chaley letting Aurora and Rephaim share a room....with Hanna arriving and everythign i'm gonna add something about that And there is a reason why aurora knows that, i just havent included it. i'm waiting for a certain event to tell that part. Thanks sooooo much for the advice! it made me think twice and i'm gonna fix those two things asap! :)
Its still really good, just double check your grammar and try not to overdramatize; with a story that has an intense conflict, it can be easy to get melodramatic and therefore unrealistic and I'd hate to see this story slip into that.
Two things I think that should be covered at some point are how Aurora knows so much detail about her mom and dad if they left when she was an infant and why Mrs. Chaley (is that her name? Something like that haha) allows two teenagers of the opposite sex share a room if she's so strict; it just seems a bit out of character for her so I'd like to see if there's a reason why she allows it.
This is really well written, and your detail is exquized (<<--i dont know how to spell that). Also, Your plot in this story is quite intense. Write more(: I think youre really good at it:DD
Haha izz fine.....and hmmm maybe, you'll just have to wait and see ;) Ok the next chapter will be about everyones backgrounds! But imm probably gonna write another short story before i update ^_^ Awwh no problemos and thanks for all the comments! XOXO