The Vampire's War - Comments

I find this an interesting little prequel. It just details little parts of the war and I do like that. I don't agree with PonyGirls on the layout. I rather like it for the most part. And I think you should keep the banner you have now. It works better than daring to use the map. I am eager to look at what you have for The Vampire's Mistress now! >D

(Comment Swap) First off, the layout isn'ät really good, put the map in place of the image? would improve the experience greatly.
Further, a dark bluue on a light yellow is the best readability. Black on white doesn't go too well with the them, and on occasions, gives off uncomfortable glares.
(Chapter 4) I love short chapters. it's a matter of detail, not length.
"Though, Bruce" is "Though Bruce"? or just cut out "Though"?
"then first hand the" is "then, first hand, the" empathising "first hand"?
In a way, it's refreching to se, what seems to be the hearo fail, and fail misserably.
"hallway to the war room", is "hallway, to the war room"
"halfway through before she is "halfway through, before she". don't miss out on empasis, and natural breaks in the story.
There is room for more details, isn't there?
I'm not realy a fan of vampire stories. Yet, I have to say, I managed to read through the entire chapter, it's fairly easy to read. It's even a bit on the captivating side.
Guess I could recomend the story to rweaders who enjoy Vampire stories?
Getting the feel for the people, even though the description is minimal?

Alright, so far I have only read the first chapter, but I really like it. The idea of the story is different and isn't something that I would normally read, but I still like it. The summary was interesting and it caught my attention. Keep it up:)

This is very good, my dear. It reminds me of that Ethan Hawke movie, only with a WAY better plot. I always liked the society created in that movie, but I hated the story line. This gives me the same society, but with a better storyline.

I also really like that you just toss the reader into the middle of this society, and more is learned about it throughout. The way they got to this, and what exactly happened to the human race is being explored even while everything is changing with the new discovery. It is a very good way of doing things. "Showing and not telling," as they would say.

The map idea you had with this is amazing. It's like this is a real place, and you're just showing us what's going to become of things. You must have some inside information. XD It's very well thought out - this whole thing. Absolutely brilliant.

I have to say I love Regulus. He's brave and he has convictions. The perfect main man, huh? But the fact that he's a lawyer, and that, in all reality, lawyers don't do much - they just argue. It makes him more relatable, I think. He's an intellectual attempting to change the world one law at a time.

The time jumps work surprisingly well too. Enough time has passed that we're thrown into a whole new scene with a lot of things to be figured out ourselves (making it sort of an interactive read), but not so much that you're completely lost. So now they're fighting both wolves and humans? That's gotta be a pain. Enemies coming at you from all sides, attacking when you're the most distracted.

I will definitely be finishing this up tonight (I have chapter four and five left), and then I will make sure to get a start into the sequel. This a great story. It's well written, well thought out, and inventive. I can quite honestly say I've never read another story like this. It's completely your own, and you own this world you created with ease. Great job!

(Oh and thanks for thanking me down there in the Author's Notes...^^)

Its...done? Noooo! *Sob*

I enjoyed it much, I assure you. It was amazing. Yes, I found the time passing a bit too quickly, which is something I recommend you fix if ever you edit this story, but other than so, I find it excellent.

And I advise Rose's baby be mentioned somewhere. Anywhere, so long as we hear of him/her again. It seems like the poor thing was rejected and pushed off the side of a cliff to join the deceased Arlen, or so I see. xD

Why does it have to end so quickly though? Its such a beautiful story, I'd have loved to read more. *Tears*.

Oh, and about the map...Oh dear god, where'd the Middle East go? xD (Not to mention Mexico...)

I love your story and it's turning out to amazing!
You should update soon.
I really like how, even though it's yet ANOTHER vampire story in this twilight-inflicted world, you've managed to create a fantastic concept that actually makes sense. Like, you have a whole political system worked out and the characters already have a lot of depth.

Is New Washington anywhere near New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York? On New Earth?

No criticism that I see.

You're doing fantastic. Keep writing!

This is a very, very nicely written story. I greatly enjoyed the way you portrayed Vampires as human-like beings who have politics just as screwed as ours are. In most stories, Vampires are described as either mushy, romantic pansies or monstrous animalistic savages. You have managed to create a more realistic definition of the term, and thus I applaud you. ^^

I like your writing-style, as its extremely clear yet somewhat descriptive. I still dont know much about the plot given that this is the first chapter, but it sounds pretty interesting so far.

I simply wonder why you havent gotten any comments yet...