Bullets - Comments

PSSSSSTTTT.

you HAVE to update.
right now.

did you update?

just sayin'.

UUUPPPDDDAAATTTEEE!!!

This is really well written.
I can relate to the characters, I love the story line and all that.
Can't wait for an update.
oxo

you NEED to update, love!!
or ima bug you everyday(:

ooh! love it! haha. (: i just started it since i loved another one of your stories. so.. here i am c:

YAY...I'm so glad that this story got update. I've missed it so much.

At least Joey gets to spend a little more time with his girlfriend before being sent off to war. More soon?

oh, I don't come here much anymore and i had forgotten all about this story, but now you've got me all intrigued with Joey's little road trip.

More please.

Wow, this is really, really good. :weird

Your writing style is great, and you can spell! -hails-

This is interesting, and I really like Joey. he's so sweet. ^^

Starting with me being a bitch and hopefully progressing to me telling you how much I actually like this story, here it comes.
It's taken way way way too long, I know, and I apologise.

While normally his summer holidays would have been filled with hangouts with his friends,
I didn't really like the use of two 'with's there - to me, it didn't flow as well as another word might of. 'Hangouts', to me, also signified a place rather than an action, and that sort of confused me when I read it.

His parents were of no assistance, however. He soon grew tired of his father’s constant rages at the television every time they mentioned the President, complete with snide remarks about how anyone could do a better job than they could.
The way you built up Billie Joe's personality without actually spending a lot of time on Billie is truly amazing - I feel like I really know him as a character, and I feel like I understand the way other people feel about him - his wife, his son, his friends and family. It really seems like you've put a lot of thought into the characters, and spent quite a bit of time developing them and relating them to each other. They come across as human, they seem somewhat normal; I know who they are, and I know plenty of people like them. And I like that.

Adrienne, thankfully, remained a little more reserved – yet the concern for her son and the annoyance at her husband’s immaturity was clearly taking its toll.
There's something about the word 'thankfully'... just the way it looks makes me happy. I just really like it, the way it looks, the way it sounds, what it means. It's just an all-round gorgeous word.
Annnnyway, speaking of words, I love the way you worded that sentence. :cheese: It just... worked really well, and the words all fit together perfectly, creating this image of... you know those women, the beautiful ones, who're also really really wise? And they like, put up with a not-so-wise man and do everything, have control over everything, even when their husband thinks he's in control? Well yeah. That's how that sentence made me imagine Adrienne.
That was actually one of my favourite sentences in the whole chapter; I really did love the wording of it.

positive that he could at least pretend that everything was fine in his life.
Mmmm, I love that whole 'pretending it all away' thing. It's so... teenage, exactly what I'd try to do and I can really relate to it. And it's great to be able to relate to a piece of writing like that, knowing that people (or characters. :tehe:) react the same way as I would/do, even though they're in a totally different situation.

“What do you want?” Joey called moodily, reluctantly switching off his music.
Moodily... :yah And then reluctantly. :yah:yah:yah
Okay I know I tell you how much I love the realisticness of it over and over and over and it's probably getting kind of redundant, but it's just... so natural. It sounds natural, sounds normal, sounds like a teenager and sounds like a real person. And that's just amazing. And I feel lucky to have discovered something this good to read.

The teenager gritted his teeth, yet he could feel himself begin to feel confused. He still didn't really understand what was making him prone to outbursts of rage towards his own friends.
Okay, I really like how he's just being a knob because... he just is. I love the irritated feeling you created, the short-temperedness of the whole thing, the 'go away I just want to be alone' snappiness. It really adds a lot to his character, especially the way he's not really doing it intentionally, more as an 'I-can't-be-arsed' attitude. And he knows he's doing it, and that seems to frustrate him a little, but not enough to stop. I love the way he works, the way you've made him rather irritable and short-tempered, almost similar to the way you made his father.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Me being an angsty piece of shit gives me no reason to treat you like that.”
And then he realises he's being a knob. :tehe:
I can't decide whether I like her reaction to that or not. One second I'm like 'oh that's so sweet, she just gets over it because she loves him' and then the next it's all 'you need to yell at him'. And then back to the first reaction. I spent ages trying to work out whether it was perfect or whether it was wrong somehow. And I decided I liked it - I liked how it was unpredictable, how she just accepted his knobbiness and moved on, got over it. And that whole feeling of her treading carefully around him, trying to say the right things in the right way at the right second worked beautifully too.

Melanie's little dialogue there was really cute/sweet/practical/realistic. She actually really reminds me of Adrienne, at least the way you wrote Adrienne - maybe it's just the wife/girlfriend of a fatherson combination that makes me think like that, maybe they do have similarities, but I love how both of them seem rather practical.

Melanie gave him a meaningful look. “Joe, if it weren’t for that girl I probably wouldn’t have come around today.”
:crazy: Adjective! 'Meaningful'... is just... :yah
The way Estelle is sort of going behind Joey's back to make everything for him better, or at least as better as she can manage, is really sweet, and it works really well as a key factor of this chapter. I just... love the way you build up your characters, and the relationships your characters have. You don't rush it, but at the same time there is a lot of character building there.

“Estelle made me see sense,” Melanie continued. “And she’s right about everything.”
Okay, I don't know if I already implied this, but I totally, truly loved the conversation they had about Estelle when Estelle wasn't there. It was so... original. I don't think I've ever seen something like that before, and even if I have yours is definitely one of the best. I mean, people have conversations about other people - it's human nature. And if there's a reason for it, it's even more likely. But you never seem to see it, and when I got to that bit in the chapter, I was honestly so... engaged, I didn't want the chapter to end. It sounded natural, and the way they were talking it just naturally went from Joey having time to talking about Estelle, an easy transfer... It just worked.

He tilted his head slightly, giving a small smile before cupping her chin and giving her a kiss.
Yes, Joey, stand up - or sit down I guess - and be a man.

Again, your last sentence was killer. They all just leave me... sitting there going 'wow'. Almost like when you finish a really good book, and you sit there for a few minutes not really doing anything, just thinking about the book and how you didn't want it to end, except that they have 200 pages to make you feel that way and you can do it in like, 1000 words. So yeah, you're amazing.

I know these reviews take forever but I do love this story so, so much. :yah:yah:yah
And I'm hanging out for more. :XD
Even though I won't review it for like, months.

So yes.
Good update.
From May.
Shit has it really been that long?

askldjfkldj eggeh you are a genius.

I love the concept of this. Love it, love it, love it. Green Day is so political, but very few writers dare to go there in their writing. You executed the political side perfectly, it's believable and realistic. I also love how this gives a new dimension on Joey and Billie's father-son relationship, and how each of them choose to react to the conscription.
Your writing is also, superb, as usual. You've got a distinctive style in all of your stories, which is great. The voice and the tone that you write with is perfect for the story - serious, but also light hearted and somewhat colloquial, as the main character is a (somewhat, at least) normal teenager.

I really can't wait to see what happens next. :cheese: subscribed, fo'sho.

awesome chapter, as always.

sorry it took so long for me to read it, i completely forgot about it. :cheese:

Jess;;VAMPIRE.:

I loveeeee this XDDD
You are an amazing story writer, you are. :tehe:

I want to know what happens next, so I do hope you'll update soon :omfg:

+ Melanie and Joey arree cute :cute:

:cute:
Love,Love,Love,Love love it!
And to save you Hassle I've subscribed so you don't have to Pm me when you update.

I loveeeee this XDDD
You are an amazing story writer, you are. :tehe:

I want to know what happens next, so I do hope you'll update soon :omfg:

+ Melanie and Joey arree cute :cute:

MJLS:

great chapter, I loved reading it! It's good to see that Estelle really cares about him enough to go and talk with his girlfriend and to let her see that he needs her during all of this. I love it.

^^^ Agreed.
More soon?

great update. I like this story.

love it :mrgreen:

great chapter, I loved reading it! It's good to see that Estelle really cares about him enough to go and talk with his girlfriend and to let her see that he needs her during all of this. I love it.

"She smiled, and, at that moment, Joey decided that from now on he was all fight and no hiding."

Now that's what I like to see. Thank you, an update made a great day even better (schools out for, like, 4 months)!

:cheese:
I thought I'd read this update, but apparently not. :]

I loved it, poor Joey.

I especially love your endings :cute:

I hope you write more soon

Okay. So. This is only two/three days late, depending on how long it takes me.
I'm getting quicker. I'm sorry for the wait, I hope these reviews are worth it.

Estelle swung her legs over the edge of the bed and strode over exasperatedly.
The way you use adjectives gets me every time. (I'm extremely proud of myself for figuring out that's what I liked :tehe:) And I mean every time. Description makes an ordinary sentence into something beautiful, and you somehow manage to combine normality with description, put them together in a good plot and still sound good without really straying from the storyline. And by good, I mean amazing. 'Exasperatedly' was the perfect word.

Estelle ignored him disdainfully, instead forcing the paper closer to his face.
I know I keep picking out certain words, but 'disdainfully' really stood out for me. It just fit in so well; it wasn't painfully obvious, but it wasn't hidden either. You seem to be the master of using a single word to bring twice as much meaning to every other word. I honestly love the way you put your sentences together; you could take a slightly ordinary plot (not that this is one, not at all) and make it sound terrific, just by the way you construct your sentences and the way you use adjectives. The sentences flow, and the adjectives aren't overused, but are inserted whenever they're needed.

but it again reminded him that what was happening was real.
And it's those little reality shocks that make life so terrible. Nobody wants to think about the bad things, yet not many people can avoid it. The thing I loved about this sentence was how easy it was to relate to my own life, and thoughts; when you manage to take your mind off something bad, the last thing you want is for someone to bring it back up. He doesn't want to go to war, I just don't want to face reality, but the principle is the same, and you captured the whole idea in eleven words.

Joey knew he wouldn’t be able to hide anything from his best friend – he was so sure they existed on telepathic wavelengths with one another – but he couldn’t bear to let her know how he was feeling. Sure, Estelle could be as sympathetic as she liked, but she wasn’t the one in his shoes.
Blunt truth. As much as a little description can make a story amazing, sometimes you need to cut it out to get your point across effectively. There's a balance you need to find, and I'm pretty sure you've got it down pat. Those two sentences tear right through you. You're all emphatic, but then you realise that that's what the sentences are trying to convey; you don't get how he's feeling, because you're not meant to. You're not in his shoes, and you're not meant to be.
So I guess I took on the same sort of role as Estelle there; I was being sympathetic. I felt like her.

Joey ignored the chill that shot down his spine.
That line sent a chill down my spine, I tell you.

"You’re scared.”
“I’m not scared!” He said indignantly, shrugging himself away from her touch. “Estelle, you don’t fucking get it do you?” He couldn’t contain the anger that had begun to shoot through his veins.
Okay, I'm going to deal with this section in two parts.
The first half of that reinforces my earlier point; that we, as a reader, see Estelle's side of things, the slightly more logical, 'best friend' side of things. No, Estelle doesn't get it, and neither do we, because we can't. And that is such a strength in this piece of writing, knowing that there is just something more that we truly can't understand, because we're not him. You've built a character so strong, so independant, that he is now his own person; his thoughts are his own, the way he reacts to things is individual. Sure, others might react in a similar way, but if you look at real people, 'similar' isn't 'identical'. Your character has enough personality to be an actual person. And that is a definite acheivement.

And the last sentence is such beautiful imagery. I think the word 'shoot' made it perfect; it made me think of plants, and from there I related his veins to the veins of a plant. I don't know, maybe it wasn't intentional, but it's what I got out of it and I really liked it.

“Hey Joe, do you know who you’re talking to?” Estelle’s face was thunderous. “My dad’s in Green Day too! Don’t try and give me that crap about how hard it must be for you, because I had to go through it too.”
I can't explain why I loved this bit so much, but I did. It just seemed so realistic, and it built Estelle's character enormously, though this time she had nothing to do with me as a reader. The whole blunt, say what she thinks thing works well; we all know people like that. I love the characters you've developed in this story, because I can relate to them, and I can imagine them. Vividly.

“Just… just remember you’re not alone, okay? We’re going to fight for you.”
You write dialogue very well. It's believable, it's understandable, and you only write in what you need. Again, you've found the perfect balance, and it works awfully well.

and he knew within himself that no matter what anyone else said, he was alone.
It took me ages to decide whether or not to write this bit first or last, and I decided last in case I got carried away, and also because it's the last line and it makes more sense in chronological order.

Argh. That line made me cry so hard. So hard, you'd not believe it. It was so amazingly true, just so, so true. I'm gonna try and describe it, because hopefully in doing that I'll be able to show how much emotion that line held for me.

'No matter what anyone else said'. He knows they love him, he knows that they'll be there for him, but at the same time, he's still alone. He's the one who has to face it, and he doesn't want to vent to any of them, because he doesn't want them to suffer. And in that respect, he's alone. And I can relate to that, I can relate to it so, so well. I'm alone for the same reason; obviously I'm not going to war, but... argh. I can't explain it.

I'm sorry for the life story, and I still don't think it said what I wanted it to say. It brought me to tears and it was such a powerful line. Well done.

One thing I noticed in this chapter was that you used 'shot/shoot' a few times. I love those words in particular, because they give me this image of speedy, fast actions, and I think they enhance the words around them. So well done in that respect.

Guess that's three days.
You end the chapters very well. They always hit hard, and the last paragraph or so usually plays a big part of that.
I'm still not over that last line.
Nice update.

Awesome chapter, as always. Can't wait for more. :)