Bullets - Comments

Ahmazing.
More soon?

I love the update. so much emotion...great job capturing it

I got so into Joey's head in that chapter - all annoyed at Stella and alone feeling

Great update :)

awesome chapter! It's good to see Joey actually freak out about this and admit that he doesn't want any of this to happen and so forgets that his family is suffering from it too

:D I loved this! Good job honey

Oh em gee! :omfg:

I love the new layout :cute:
Especially the picture with writing where it says..
once a boy and now a man...Joey Armstrong is facing the bullets

I love that, it just catches my eye so suddenly and be all, ":cheese: I have to read this."

And, as always, I absolutely adore your writing style. It's beautiful. :]
this story pwns. I love it

I hope you write some more soon :cute:
And I re-subscribed, too XD

Alright.
I apologise for this taking forever. And ever.
I'm really sorry. I know you don't care why I haven't commented, but I do apologise for being so lazy.
So consider this my... ANZAC Day present to you.

She was always modest about what her parents did for a living, preferring to make a name for herself. She had been well liked at high school, yet never it get to her head; her grades had always been straight A’s and she had always been willing to lend a hand to anyone in need.
I like the way you build character; even a list like this sounds good, because of the words and punctuation you use.
Basically, you've got skills.
And as for the characters themselves; they're believable. They're normal, yet they have this... supernatural element to them. You could believe that they existed, even though you know that they're only words on a page.
And yes, I know the Armstrongs exist, but... I don't know them. So I can't comment on them.

He fumbled a little with the latch on the gate, before taking slow but sure steps up to the intimidatingly large house in front of him.
I'm always kinda worried that I'll comment on something an author did that they didn't intend to do, because that would make me feel stupid. So I'm sorry if I ever do that to you, but oh well.
I love the way you used the word intimidating in that sentence. The way you used the size of the house to represent the size of the task ahead of him. I just thought it worked beautifully. He was intimidated by what he had to do, so he approached it slowly and carefully, just like he moved up to the house.
I like the analogy.

He could hear footsteps rattle the wooden floors on the other side, and much to his desperate relief it was Melanie who answered.
'Footsteps rattle the wooden doors'. I love that; it's something I never would have thought of. It's so...argh, I love the words.
Adjectives! I figured it out; it's adjectives that make me love your writing so much. You always seem to have the right one, the perfect one. Maybe it's not the only thing that makes your writing wonderful, but it is one of the things I love most about it.

She nodded, stepping aside from the doorway to let him in while creasing her eyebrows in concern. Joey wandered into the kitchen, trying to ignore the pressing feeling that was telling him not to explain to her what was going on.
Body language and emotion. I know I've probably said most of this in previous reviews, but I'm going to say it again; writing in body language is definitely a skill, and definitely one you have. It makes the story run so much smoother, and it's very entertaining to read. 'The pressing feeling'? That left me excited, interested, craving more. And thankfully, that wasn't the end of the chapter.

Joey turned around, taking a deep breath and forcing his hazel eyes to make contact with her blues.
I liked the usage of colour there, also the word 'forcing'. Colour because it's not obvious, yet it is obvious; you don't have to look hard, but you didn't just say 'her stared at her', same as in the... first chapter (I think?) where Joey walked into the room, giving us the answer to the question Adrienne posed without actually saying "Joey's going to war."
I liked the word 'forcing' because I could imagine it, and I'm big on imagination. I know if I had to tell someone I loved something like that, I'd struggle to look at them, but at the same time I'd feel like I had to look at them. 'Forcing' made that feeling real.

More than anything he wished for everything that troubled him to go away; for everyone he loved not to be as affected by the new situation as much as he was.
Argh. You read my mind.
... I loved that line.
I'm not gonna elaborate, because I couldn't do it without sounding either arrogant or stupid, but I did love that line.

You started a new line in the middle of a sentence after the word 'savouring'.

I loved the ending; it was very... teenage. I don't say that meaning your writing is stupid... it's anything but. I say it because it was the perfect ending to the chapter; that sense of youth, the reason he was in this situation in the first place, coming out in two words.
No way.

Sorry for how long this took me.

Thank you so much for telling me you reposted this anneliese
:arms:

I loved the "new" Chapter.
The way you show emotion your characters is just so well written.
Well done Leise

I love this story in so many ways for so many different reasons.
One, because the plots so realistic. It's almost scary, how possible this is.
Two, the characters are stunning. They all react the exact way I think they would if this did happen.
Three, because Joey is so sweet.
Four, because this line makes me think.
He wasn’t going to let a war shatter his life.

I'm glad that Joey's not going, or else he would have been stabbed with a spork.
More soon?

I like this story. More soon?

good chapter honey, keep up the good work and dont worry too much about late updates as long as they are good

that was amazingly well written, very moving :cry:

well done

For The Story/Review game:

So I read bullets. I have to be honest. I usually steer well clear of Green Day fics. Seeing as I don't know much of the characters, and the fans usually describe them as being arrogant rockstars, I can never relate. But as soon as I read the first line of this, I could see it was going to be different.

"Joey, stop!" Her voice was nearly hysterical as she was thrown, back and forth into the air I really liked this opening. It drew me in, as naturally, I thought something terrible and scary was happening to her and wanted to know what.

You managed to keep the characters sounding realistic here. By having their feelings almost contrasting "After a moment she spoke, her voice gentle. "Joey, its getting dark... we should probably head home. You know my parents."

"Mmm." Joey felt too relaxed to want to move." You gave them personalities so we could relate to Joey when needed later in the chapter.

I would say that I think the switch from Joey to Billie was a little abrupt, but maybe that was your intention.

I actually really liked this story, I'd never read any of your stuff before (I think) So I didn't know what to expect, but I am impressed. You have renewed my faith in Green Day fics

BombingwithBillieJoe:

Well *cough* my comments will never compare to Emilyemilyemily's, as she is quite the amazing commenter.

But either way, I loved the update! and i love this story!! I can't wait to see what happens! You have me hooked!!

Whoa, that was really really really really amazing.
I love this story.
More soon?
:arms:

Well *cough* my comments will never compare to Emilyemilyemily's, as she is quite the amazing commenter.

But either way, I loved the update! and i love this story!! I can't wait to see what happens! You have me hooked!!

Thank-you :P

He shook his head. “Tell me what you think the song Holiday is about.” He paused. “And then tell me who wrote it.”
As weird as this is going to sound, I think this builds Billie’s character more than anything else. It shows how powerful he is in the eyes of his son(s), and I guess just how amazingly awesome he is. He is the man that will never back down according to this sentence, and the sentences that lead up to it. Aaaaand, I like how you didn’t just say “My dad is completely anti-war”, you worked in a nice little reference there.

Crickets clicked constantly, their contribution to the summer symphony anything but unnoticeable.
That’s so cute! Don’t really have anything else to say, but there’s all grasshoppers or crickets or something chirping right now and they’re annoying me immensely. :grr:

The outside world moved perfectly to routine, yet it was the world of an eighteen year old boy that had been so cruelly disrupted.
That is so much better than “the sun will still rise tomorrow”. It’s more dramatic, more emphatic, more creative and more amazing. It’s really, really creative; you twisted ugly, war-related words into something beautiful, and for that I commend you (I accidentally wrote ‘comment’ instead of ‘commend’ there :tehe:)

I love the next bit, because I just read one of Dru’s stories about friendship, and while hers was a little more morose, it sort of followed in with the theme. I love the way they’re just friends; you don’t get too many boy/girl relationships like that. It’s sweet. It works well.

“While you’re in this mess, there’s no way I’m accepting any college offers,” Estelle said sharply. “Remember our childhood pacts that we’d stick together, always? Well this is no exception.”
What is it with sacrificing things for your friends tonight? Between you and Dru, I’m gonna be the perfect friend soon. Anyway, I love the way that this builds the relationship between the two. It’s just awesome.

You have talent; my only complaint, and it’s not even a serious one.

“You can’t do that!” exclaimed Joey, jerking upright.
Could you not have used different words there? Because I do read an awful lot of slash… :tehe:
I’m joking.

Nice update :D

I’m gonna start with the small typos and things I found, because I know I like people to point them out in my stuff. Sorry if you don’t want them pointed out, just skip the top half.

After a moment she spoke, her voice gentle. "Joey, its getting dark... we should probably head home. You know my parents."
‘Its’ should be it’s.

Joey nodded appreciately, scraping the chair back and sleepily making his way out of the kitchen. "'Night Mum, 'night Dad," he called out behind him.
‘Appreciately’ isn’t a word; appreciatively would be better.

Joey awoke the next morning after an incredibly restless sleep. If he had thought sleep would bring peace to his now trouble mind he was sorely mistaken.
‘Now trouble mind’; ‘trouble’ should be ‘troubled’.

While although Joey had graduated the previous week, his brother still had another week of school left before he finished for the summer.
You don’t need both ‘while’ and ‘although’ at the start of that sentence; either one is fine, but not both.

It's been more of an outrage this time because they're conscriptiing all men,
Double ‘i’ in conscripting.

Now we get to the stuff you want to read, all about how much I love this story, and how I want an update very soon please.

"Nah, I'm having fun..." He leant down to kiss her tender lips, silently rejoicing at the ever so familiar feeling.
I love the feeling that whole top section had; like, they were both having an enormous amount of fun, but underneath they were so grateful to just have each other, just be with someone who they cared about and they knew cared about them. It was so real; people feel like that. And that’s what I really liked about that section.

If his attention had been sharp before, it was nothing to what it was now. Billie felt a hot surge of anger flow through his veins like a fresh lot of boiling lava. Trust their idiot for a President to reintroduce something so old-fashioned and impractical. This was something that was common for the World Wars. Not today. It was as though every protest or angry song the rockstar had written throughout his life was nothing.
I know that’s a long excerpt, but I couldn’t figure out which bit to take out. One of the things I like most about fan fiction is that you already have a mental image of what the characters look like, and good authors play off that; they tell us about prominent features, but they don’t shove descriptions into the writing. They do, however, tell us about personality, because everyone’s interpretation of someone they don’t know is different. The second sentence of that paragraph is my favourite, because it sounds like the man I perceive to be Billie Joe Armstrong. He can be a dickhead, he can be fun, but he can be angry. And that sentence, for me, is his anger all summed up in eighteen words. I also really like the last sentence, because it displays that anger more indirectly; shows that he hasn’t quite got a grip on the circumstances yet, but he’s still pretty pissed off.

He could see the fury begin to surface in her so usually gentle brown eyes. But it was obvious what she was trying to do: someone had to act calm and rational while he had his rave.
Another sentence that portrays the mood; she knows him so well that she knows he can’t hold himself together. And then the whole chapter goes out on a killer ending; I like how you wrote Joey coming home in, instead of making Billie Joe guess or something. It was original, and it worked well. It played like a movie in my mind. Instead of Billie releasing a load of swear words, it was all coincidental and well thought out.

"Every song, every album... useless, absolutely useless..."
Another killer sentence, this time at the start of the chapter. I liked this because it was natural dialogue, and I love things that sound realistic. I really do. The whole story is based on something that could happen; it might, it might not, but it could. And that possibility gives the story a much more real tone. But having a real plot isn’t the only thing that makes a story good; it has to sound real, if there’s dialogue it has to sound normal, the whole thing has to flow. And yours does. So well done. :)

"Yeah, and if you want to make your country proud, help people rather than kill them," Billie added bitterly.
Adrienne gave her husband a deeply contemptuous look.
Okay. Something that I really liked about this section (not just the bit I took but that whole part where they’re sitting at the table) was the way you used body language, especially facial expression. I can imagine Adrienne giving Billie a ‘deeply contemptuous look’, and I imagine he’d deserve it, too. All through that part there are lines about how the characters bodies were, what their eyes were doing, ‘he threw up his hands’, all sorts of things. A good story should be able to make a movie play in your mind; sometimes the movie isn’t completely accurate as you don’t know all the details yet, but you should be able to play with what you have, always. I can play a movie with your words, and you writing in body language helps the movie to play more smoothly and… it’s just perfect.

Joey's fifteen-year-old brother, Jakob, on the other hand, was busy buttering himself some toast. While although Joey had graduated the previous week, his brother still had another week of school left before he finished for the summer.
This sentence… what I’m going to say is gonna sound mean, so I apologise; it’s just easier to say it straight. But did Jakob know, or not? I think that if you had of put in more information, just another sentence or so, telling us of his reaction to the whole thing, it would have improved that paragraph immensely. ‘Cause, to be honest, if I found out my brother was going to war, I’d be a bit… I’d at least acknowledge it, not just butter my toast. Maybe there’s a lot of sibling rivalry, maybe they hate each other, maybe they’re best friends, but I reckon he’d be at least a little sympathetic, or show some emotion. Or, if he didn’t know, then he’d wonder what they were talking about when they began their discussion. And the ‘while although’ thing I mentioned previously.

"Well, I can't be, can I?" Joey mused. "I've only got the two fiercest people in the country for parents."
His mother gave a smile that didn't meet her gentle yet concerned eyes. She turned to her husband. "Anything new in there?" She gestured toward the newspaper.
The first bit made me giggle, just because. The second half was good because it showed that she was concerned. And yeah, I know she’s concerned without reading that; her son’s going to war. But it doesn’t hurt to actually say it; in fact, it cements the whole feeling. A small line like that makes the whole thing more realistic and way cooler.

"With parents like yours? Is this some kind of sick joke?"
That line’s good too; it again reinforces the general view of his parents, and that he’s not going to go. And the lines that follow it are also great; it’s nice to show the relationships between characters. And you do it through dialogue, something a lot of people struggle with.

Again, I’m sorry if you didn’t want the typos pointed out, I hope the rest of my comments made up for it.

I really do love this story, please update soon. Please.

:D

Oh my god.
That was the best thing I've read on here in...a long time.
Amazing.
That last paragraph and this line;
"And now they were adults, facing something so indescribably huge that they could never have predicted."
Just made my stomach drop.
Incredible.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Joey can't go off to war.
I won't let him.
More soon?

This story is amazing. The way you write is just... wow.

Keep up the great work!! I'm looking forward to the next one! *suscribes*