Lonesome Dove - Comments

-Comment Swap-

First thing is first, the layout is a bit rough on the eyes. Also, as a reader, I was immediately pulled out of the story with this: “Her mother had died the year before, leaving behind Lucy, her father, Gregory; her fifteen-year-old sister, Miranda; and her eight-year-old brother, Timothy.” I could be very wrong but I believe you would use a colon after “leaving behind” because you are making a list. It was a bit hard for me to follow. Because I read it as if Gregory was the fifteen year old sister. (Obviously not, but that is how it could be read.) I love the last sentence of part 1. Good suspense with that line. However, I was a bit confused with the storm showing up so quickly. Texas storms, as a Texan, give you some warning. Put it something about there being a lack of animals moving around. Animals are a great indication of bad weather. And typical Texas storms are big. Dark clouds and scary silence (birds go quiet). Describe the sky. Give us some setting. What does the area look like? Texas has many types of terrain. From desert like to forest. It all depends on where you are. Remember, you’re creating a picture for the reader. So put them there. Since the weather is such a big deal during all of this you really want to emphasis what it is like for them. Describe what the rain is like. Is it pelting down? Use this to throw in some colorful description. Don’t just have huge descriptions of what everyone looks like in big chunks. Throw it in with action. Like “Blah blah blah” so and so used his bear paw hands to gesture towards the surroundings. This way it gives your character so much more life. Big blocks can pull the reader out of your story. I love where this going. Seriously, keep it up!

And please check out my story "Remember Me" (It is not really a story, it is more of a poem scrapbook.)

And please check out my story "Remember Me" (It is not really a story, it is more of a poem scrapbook.)

-comment swap-
I really like this story so far! It's really good and you have a lot of talent. Though, as a few others have said, I would consider slowing down a bit. Lucy's father was mighty quick to agree to let her go, and Sam fell in love with her really fast. It is not my story, though. So, you do what you think is right. These are just my suggestions (: Very well-written story, though. Please continue! I shall subscribe! !

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I didn't think this would be one of those stories that I would like, but it turns out that it's not bad at all, and I actually really did like it. I love the western theme as well as the love story, but I thought things were moving a little fast for the couple, but it seems that you know what you're doing. By the way, I love the layout:)

Oh I am happy about this. I was looking for a western, and I came across this.

I'm a little hesitant about how fast things went for Lucy and Sam, but I'm willing to see what you have planned. A story needs hardship, after all.

I really like this so far! I really like your layout becaus it goes with the theme of the story. Also, the banner fits nicely. I think the summary may have given away a little too much, but I'm a big fan of short summaries. The old timey setting really works. Your words seem genuinley old, and not like a present day writer is forcing an older feel so I commend you on that. Your characters are really good as well as your descriptions. You're a great writer, keep up the good work!

This is really cool, I like the fact that it's from back in the day and that it's, like, about cowboys and rangers and all that cool stuff that no one has the balls to write about. I like the characters, they're developed, I don't really mind the layout, I think it's cute and quite organized. I say keep up the good work, and what I like to do sometimes, if I update too fast, is I like to write the next chapter and when I finish the next chapter or am about halfway through with it, I post the chapter prior. Works for me, so maybe you too? Good luck, cool story, keep it up. (:

I'm actually a huge fan of stories set in a different time period, so I'm really glad comment swab led me to this story. I agree with everything Ponyless and Sunnyside of Hell said. I'm not a fan of the layout either - sometimes reading orange font on a black background is a little hard to read. Don't rush updating. The story feels a little rushed to me - which might be from updating too quickly. Just slow down a little bit. Maybe you could do some pre-writing? That always works with me when I'm really excited for a story.

Honestly, I'm fan of this story. I can't wait to read about what happens next with Sam & Lucy!

-comment swap-
I agree with Ponyess.
also, the layout is hard on my eyes to read. I might suggest revamping that.
Other than that, this is a really nice story. Just don't post so many chapters so quickly. Keep going this story has real potential. I'm excited to see how it grows.
I'm definitely subscribing.

(comment Swap) from my experience, you get more and better reactions, if you don't publish too much, in too short a time, and the 'status', indicate, you may consider slowing down?

Avoid starting a sentence, not to say a paragraph, with "and".

"At 17 years old" should be "at 17 years of age" ?

For all I can say, it seems pretty spot on, how things were, when and where I imagine this story would take place. Not that I'm any expert on the time.

I think that this is a fantastic story, please, please, please write some more!!! :) I would LOVE to see what happens! I like the way that you described the Rangers characters!