Insanity At It's Best: Murder Me Softly - Comments

Just want to say, now on chapter five, and I am going insane wanting to click next. because I want to know how she did it, Lars was a butt an it's killing me not to know how she did it, IF she did it.

Love the way you discribe Astra's Urges and how her mind thinks about things. It adds a great deal of Humanity to the otherwise cold personality of a Serial killer. I am adoring how I can almost see the world around her through her eyes. and I'm only on Chapter 3.

Chapter 8: Officer Jenks and Ronald

Those. Mother. Fuckers! Yeah, I don't get why people always seem to rule out the one person who actually did the crime because they don't seem like an actual candidate. >.>

I think Bennie seemed a bit jerk-ish at the very ending. I <3 the way you tied in the quote! It was absolutely perfect! I couldn't imagine it any other way to end this beautiful story <3

Overall

Sorry, my own little rant there. Anywho, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER! I want to cry now even though I know what is still to come! </3 Such an amazing story and so perfectly written! <3

Awww, thank you for the ded! <3 That totally made my day! I can't wait for more, so WRITE!! <3 <3

Layout/banner,
This really fit with the story, I hate how some stories have layouts and banners that they put in their stories just because they like the photo, and not because it went with the story.
Summary,
I loved this, not much to say here, but it really made me want to read the first chapter. I loved that bloody line too.
Story,
I loved how you discribed that notebook, I want it haha. I found a mistake in chapter one though. I think:
I did not want to be affiliated with that last name no more.
Was supposed to be,
I did not want to be affiliated with that last name any more.
Her name is not overly-used, that really pulled me in.
The journal was...interesting. What happened to her was sad :( I already hate her father, and I'm glad he's still not in her life.
I like Benni haha :)
I love how you made a girl the killer, and not a guy trying to kill her, like most stories are now. This makes this story really original.
Please continue this, I enjoyed it :)

Chapter 6: Lips

"Bennie drove his lips onto my face."
^ Aha, I find this sentence to be so funny! It just give me a strange image XD [/I'm weird]

I still think they seem so adorable together <3 In my mind, that is how it shall remain =P Aha
Bennie seems a bit out of character in this chapter (of course, it is probably all that alcohol in his system >.> )

Chapter 6: Hobo

I was wondering when the journal would return! XD The part about her taking his blood for a keepsake really adds a touch more of originality to the story. And the way she killed him, by removing all his clothing and rendering him sightless before she cuts his throat, was simply evil 0_o I would not want to cross paths with Astra...

Overall

Have I ever told you that I love the chapter titles? Yepp, well, I'm telling you now! They seriously light my day! XD

<3 Aww, and you totally didn't have to mention me <3

So, yeah, I want to view the next chappie!!! (As if you didn't already know that, der XD)

UPDATE!!!!! <3 <3

Chapter 6: Lips

"Bennie drove his lips onto my face."
^ Aha, I find this sentence to be so funny! It just give me a strange image XD [/I'm weird]

I still think they seem so adorable together <3 In my mind, that is how it shall remain =P Aha
Bennie seems a bit out of character in this chapter (of course, it is probably all that alcohol in his system >.> )

Chapter 6: Hobo

I was wondering when the journal would return! XD The part about her taking his blood for a keepsake really adds a touch more of originality to the story. And the way she killed him, by removing all his clothing and rendering him sightless before she cuts his throat, was simply evil 0_o I would not want to cross paths with Astra...

Overall

Have I ever told you that I love the chapter titles? Yepp, well, I'm telling you now! They seriously light my day! XD

<3 Aww, and you totally didn't have to mention me <3

So, yeah, I want to view the next chappie!!! (As if you didn't already know that, der XD)

UPDATE!!!!! <3 <3

Haaa hey, I am so so so sorry for taking so long, the thing is.. when I posted my journal, I was already leaving work & it's the only place I can get online. So sorry about this :s (and since they got on our asses about using the internet I was only able to read the first three chapters.)

Now onto the comment..

Layout

I'll be completely honest with you.. I like the banner alot :D but the colors just seem plain to me, but that really doesn't matter.

Plot

I like the idea of this. That it's a girl that's the killer and not a guy. xD hehe that makes it just all more fun to me. *grins devishly*

Notes

Now, I noticed some minor errors.

**His face shows age, yet there is curiosity left him his brown eyes.

I don't know if it might sound betteer like this: His face shows age, yet there is curiosity left in his brown eyes.

**"Do you have a ID I can compare this to?" I question.

I think it's an ID not a ID.

**He pushed the try of leftover sandwiches towards me.

Here I think you meant tray not try.

lalalala..

That's all I noticed but then again I do have trouble sometimes myself because I switch letters or leave out letters. xD hehe and I don't remember which chapter is which cause I just pasted the three chapters un wordpad cause of the whole "cero tolerance" thing at m job.. :B

I'll keep on reading when I get a chance cause it does seem like a neat idea :) Oh, and I love the rubbing blood on her body when she killed George. Hmm, it is a fantasy thingy I have so to say.. just not with a dying person xD hahahaha Hope this comment is okay with you..

P.S. Your comment was not rude, it actually helped alot :D I'm working on editing the prologue right now.

Title

The title is perfectly amazing. I don't really understand the part Murder Me Softly, but I'm sure it will explain itself in due time. (well, maybe XD)

Layout

I love the layout. It's gorgeous and I really adore how dark and sinister it is, making it a perfect fit with the title. The banner is AUH-MAZING! The girl portrayed in it reminds me of that chick from Sucker Punch.

Summary

Okay, I have a love/hate relationship with definitions in a story. But, you make yours tie so very well with the summary that I actually am very intrigued with what will happen. I give you props for that.

The quote you have written at the bottom--it really sucks me in. I love how it sounds like it's coming from one of the tomboyish-type of girls and she's telling the three snobby b*tches at her school that they are lucky that she hasn't started killing them. (Yeah, that's the image I got in my mind when I read that one line) The blood at the bottom snaps everything together quite nicely and gives me a feeling of dread.

Chapter 1: Astra Moon

I love the way you opened this chapter up; starting with this Dr. Grant character giving Astra a journal. I also love the detail you put into describing the diary. How it is so intricate in its design and how it matches with her name.

Also, you couldn't have pulled me more into the story after you mentioned it taking place in Texas--the place of my birth. =3 The very mention already makes me love the story.

"My biological father left when I was five years old."
^ Instant connection between me and Astra--but mine left while I was at the tender age of three.

"I did not want to be affiliated with that last name no more."
^ any more

Chapter 2: Bennie

Okay, this is probably a lame question, but, Do you really need ID to get coffee? I've never heard of that before--and, if not, then you are very creative for coming up with that.

0_0 I'm already liking Bennie; he sounds like the perfect best friend. I also like how Astra is so protective of him. I think it adds a twist to the whole psycho thing.

Plus, I really like the name you came up with--the Killer Urge. It's very unique and I totally found myself laughing at how he needed Astra's protection XD I'm used to it being the other way around.

"He pushed the try of leftover sandwiches towards me."
^ I assume you meant tray

Chapter 3: Georgie

Whoa, that was spooky and a little creepy. I feel sorry for George.

I sort of dislike how you disrupted the flow of the story by switching views all of a sudden. I realize that you wanted to give your reader a better feel for what Astra's victims go through, the pain they get. But...it's just a turnoff for me. =\ Sorry, I don't mean to sound mean/harsh. =)

"The last thing I see is her rubbing herself with my blood."
^ I just ate cereal and this image made me sick in the stomach XD

Chapter 4: Lars

0_0 She cannot kill his brother--no matter how much Bennie dislikes the guy. It's just plain out wrong! Seriously, though, you switched it up again! Bennie tried to protect her this time and that totally made my heart melt. Guys who get all protective like that, against their sweet-hearted nature, just totally make me want to hug them for how adorable they are!

Anywho, things should get much more interesting now that there is more spice added to the story.

Chapter 5: Blond

OHMYGOSH, this totally changes everything! What the fuck happened to Lars? Was it the Night Stalker? Was it him drowning to death? Or, did someone new come into the equation?! Damnit!!!!!!! I totally hadn't planned for it to stop there. To end so friggin' quickly!

"Bennie is friends with a lot of people who know how to fun"
^ how to have

Characters

Astra--Okay, I really love this chick's name! Her 'crazy-ness' and Killer Urges make her seem very different and make the story in total seem very much original. The abusive background, while sort of a cliche, really adds to her background--as does how she inhertied so much money and such a large house.

Bennie--The man in the picture is HAWT, just sayin'. This character seems to be the exact opposite of Miss Moon; such a sweet, dreamy boy who totally made me fall in love =3 It's the perfect way to set the story at a balance! I have a bad feeling about this brother of his. =\

Lars--All I really have to say about him is that I dislike him already. >=(

I think you set these characters up perfectly and I adore the chemistry between A&B. Best friends stick together, right? ;)

Overall

I noticed that, throughout the story, you sort of slip from present to past tense a lot. It sort of confused me. Perhaps running over it and editing it?

Despite that, though, I would have to say that this IS ONE OF THE BEST STORIES I HAVE EVER READ BEFORE!!!!!!!! Damn, you have skills, chicka. MAJOR SKILLS!

I would have to conclude this mega long comment with:

UPDATE THIS SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Your story is amazing so far. I love it. You have a different style than I'm use to. It's nice to read something different. I like it. : )

Interesting beginning.
I assume the Journal will have a major role in this?
But very nice beginning.
Interested to know more.

I think that it would definitely be better if you wrote in the past tense!

I love the banner and the background but personally, the story area background didn't work for me. On my computer, it was difficult to read. :\

The first paragraph was sort of choppy and I didn't like how you wrote the numbers (18) instead of just full writing it out as eighteen. BUT this is a fabulous job and the thing that really bothered me was the link color matching the story content color.

And I like that this is going to be a serial killer story, you don't see too many of those on Mibba (:

First I would like to say
I love your layout and banner picture
It's so interesting.

When reading your story
I quite enjoyed it
Your title actually brought me into it.
You have a nice writing style, very nice descriptions not explaining too much or too little.
This story is very promising
I can't wait for more.

Keep up the good work
<3

This story was intresting. I like your writeing style,and how the story ended. The story is off to a good start.
can you read
Midnight Stars