Blood Angel - Comments

Update soonz!!! :3

You should update soon!! c:

You're so very welcome! And you know you love me :D

Thnks for the very long but detailed description of all my.... difficulties... ^^

Second story Corrections: On line 5-The earth splitting, as jagged.... On line 8-A gigantic reptilian claw rose from it. Clawing into the ground (substitute clawing for something else, it's to repetitive. maybe use tearing or shreadding)... On line 9-housting up an emence beast (idk what housting is, confused at this word, and you spelled immense wrong)... On line 9-It pulled itself up, and stood before me... And now for when the demon speaks. When someone thinks something, its italacized. When someone is sayign something out loud, you use quotation marks. You italacized and used quotation marks. Use one or the other, not both. If your character is gonna hear the thoughts, then have a little short segment of how your character 'thinks' about how the voice popped into his head.On last line of first paragraph-Its maw opened and struck forward; (replace with cama) my whole world went black...

Next paragraph corrections: I burst out of my bed awake. Throwing off the covers and jumping up, my breath labored and sweat soaking my body. (Burst, Throwing, Jumping, Labored, Soaking... These all need to be in the same tense. So it would go, Bursting out of my bed, throwing the covers off, jumping up, my breath laboring, my sweat soaking. What you have done is used many different tenses which makes the story akward)... On fourth line-My heart rate began to slow, (put cama in) and I...

*you forgot to put a space between paragraph 2 and 3.

Paragraph 3: On line 1- The scars of old battles criss-crossed (replaced -ing with -ed) my face... On line 3-4-What did this mean? Are my dreams some kind of premonitions? Still i did not know (Character thinks in italics)... On line 5-What did this mean? Are my dreams some kind of premonitions? Still i did not know (Character thinks in italics)... On line 6- I strode over to my closet quickly,(added cama) tore through it... On line 6-Nah I could make it. (Characters think in italics)... On line 8-I'll just take the airways (Characters think in italics)...

Paragraph 5 (skipped the note): On line 1-Well then, she finaly got a job (Characters think in italics)...

*forgot to put a space between paragraph 5 and 6.

Paragraph 6: On line 2-Black feathered wings slid out of the wholes (Holes? LOL) in the back of my clothes...

In the first chapter, forgot to capatalize one of the "I's" ... and before you put all of the '********' you started a dialague but you forgot to finish it off with the end qoutation mark.. At the "I am your worst nightmare.. part. Otherwise I love the story so far and I want to see more.

I love chapter two!!! :D

I want to know what happens c: