Crimson Whisper - Comments

I got here from comment swap as well ^.^

Well the story opens up in an interesting way and I do enjoy Maeve's personality. While the idea for a vampire school seems kind of cliche, hopefully the rest of the story won't turn out that way? ^-^ The chapters do interest me in Maeve's backstory and I also really like the name you picked out for her, haha. But there is some confusion with whether you're using past tense and present tense (which is easily fixable). Also, Seth sounds like a dick, haha, though maybe it's because I dislike most playboys. Hopefully Maeve will show him his place!

I am infatuated by your writing style. I've read a couple of your stories, and, despite the lack to chapters - a problem easily fixed - I loved them. Apart from a few grammatical errors, everything was perfect. Your descriptions gave enough away that we didn't know anything, but left enough details to our own imagination. You have some serious talent. Keep at it, you will go far. :)

I don't normally read vampire stories but this was different. I liked that the plot was different and very well put together. I loved your summary, it was great. You gave us some insight to the story. The layout is super cute and seriously goes with the story. Like, wow. I really like your writing. The beginning was great because it immediately drew me in. With the how she was turned and everything. Great job! I'm going to recommend. Keep it up. ;)

As they said below me, this story is quite fantastic :)Beautiful The plot is perfect, but too straightforward, and it could maybe use a little more foreshadowing to make the storyline intriguing :) Great work!

~comment swap~
The story so far is quite interesting. I wonder if you'll be doing a flash back sequence explaining the events that led up to Meave turning, I think that would be interesting as well. As for the grammar I think there are a few errors that need to be fixed, it helps to either read your story aloud or to have someone read over it for you. I would mainly look out for the over-use of simple sentences. It makes the story read a bit choppy (don't really know how to explain it).
Also this line:
"And what’s that? She just took a deep breath and now she was ready to play comfortably." I think the "and whats that?" is unnecessary and kind of takes the reader out of the story, I believe it would read fine with out it.
Anyway, good start, keep it up :)

Comment swap here – The beginning opens up some interesting questions like how did she get turned? What happened that summer? Your descriptions are good and have a clear picture. The 2nd chapter gets more in detail which is helping the story along quite nicely. All in all, you have a good story going. Keep up the great writing. I hope you keep up with this story, you have an interesting plot going.

This is really interesting. Cant wait to read more :)

i'm hooked :) its really good. i knew it was going to be good by the first sentence.

I want more it was really good:)

Comment swap! :)
Anyways, it's a pretty good story so far. The only major criticism I have in terms of the content is that everything is a little too convenient. The main character is "yeah, I'm a vampire, y'know?" So it seemed a bit rushed and unexplained at times.
Anyways, keep writing! It's certainly going to be a fun read.

comment swap. I'm not much of a vampire fan, and just because of twilight, I've just never taken to that kind of stuff. I didn't mind the layout, although it messed with my eyes, just the colour scheme thats all. I must admit though, I have read vampire fiction through comment swap and this story is one of the goods ones. The only thing I didn't like was how the characters spoke so formally, I get it's probably supposed to be like that- just not my thing. Anywho I think this is great, keep writing, it's vert interesting and new to my experience. (:

Comment swap brought me here, surprise surprise! It's always one of your stories that I see hahaha.

And I always have something to say about the layout. This time it isn't negative, though, I quite like it!

Anyway, the only thing I really have to complain about is the use of the & symbol instead of and, because in my browser, it reads as:

Lust & betrayal... in the summary.

This is actually one of the better vampire fictions I've read on Mibba, so keep it up c:

(Comment Swap)

I'm really interested in the story already, but I noticed the layout could use some work. The picture is great but would work better against a black background and the font needs to be bigger. If you are going to do thoughts and flashbacks, do it in italic. That's all for now.

~Comment Swap~
I am more than glad comment swap brought me to read one of your storys and I am more tha eager to read it.I love these chapters so far.I really love this Maeve character.Though there is little happenings so far.I'm intrigued by this story.I am in love with this so far. I love your writing style! It's beautiful. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Your summary is so damn interesting and I wanna read this so much. You better post soon the third chapter, you hear me? :)

You haven't posted on this one since forever.

Post soon. :)

I like how you described Marian's hair in the first chapter - using action to place the character description - but you should try your best to describe all the characters that way. Don't tell the readers that, "a man appeared behind the gate. He was about thirty to thirty-five, stocky with black hair and dark eyes red like blood." Show the readers this by explaining how his black hair rippled with the wind or his blood red eyes had a haunted quality to them due the dimly lit area they stood in. You know, show it to us using dramatic action.

Also, try to add in some of the other senses. Did the wind howl in Marian's ears? Was the smell of death or blood coming off of Max? Really ground us with your setting details

Keep up the good work ^^

Post soon please :)

Just feel the need to show the well deserved love to the story so you'll feel the appreciation that'll motivate you to update :)

Update pleeeeeeeeease! XD
Or else I'll cry! :-'(