The Promise - Comments

Loving it! I'm on chapter 11.

When I first read the summary, I was shocked at how creative you were to come up with such a cool plot! It's very interesting, and I think I'm almost jealous. I like how you've brought two of the most opposite characters together in this story, Dumbledore and the 'Dark Lord'. Keep working on this to improve your writing, I think you can make something great out of this.

It went let me pick another story until I post another comment...like I said, spacing things out will work a lot better.I know when I just see a big huge block of words, I know I'm going to loose focus so I typically just end up not reading it.

I agree with ones before me that your story needs to be spaced out, as it makes the text easier to read. As well, I think you should make the font just a little bit smaller, because one can find it kind of annoying to scroll down every three seconds to read one paragraph.

The beginning started off really fast in my opinion, which is something that I would change. You like your reader to get to know your character's better than just the simple character description that took place in the first chapter. It helps you pace the rest of the story.

i loved this story so much!

Another thing, try spacing things out a little better-format wise...

Hi. Comment swap here. The layout was a little hard to read and the subject matter is a little too out there for me...

I do like your long summery, as I think it draws people in. However you might want to rethink your layout, and using a smaller font as well as a lighter font color. I had to resort to using the default layout, and I rarely have to do that. Also, instead of having a chapter where the characters are introduced, merely make character pages for them or introduce them throughout the story. It makes it neater. Other than that, I really do like your writing. You might want to paragraph your story though, as it makes it easier to read.

I think the layout is a little difficult to read and a bit awkward, and I agree that I think it would be a great help if you could work the character descriptions into the story rather than just making a chapter and describing it, as it seems a little awkward. There are a few minor spelling and grammatical errors, and given that Dumbledore never married and is gay, having granddaughters is a little unlikely (and yet cliche), but I think this story has a really great premise. :)

The first thing that I noticed was that the text box for your background kind of blends in with the black text and makes it hard to read. I really like the concept of your story though!
Also, your summary at the beginning was kind of long. If you keep it shorter, it gives less away.
Also, rather than having the descriptions of the characters right in the beginning of the first chapter, you could incorporate them into the story somehow!

omg you kept it yay...but you got rid of my pretty pharagraphing I even put a quote ad qote all together properly did you rewrite it...all well what i just do is copy and paste throw it in and fix it up as i catch the errors which isnt often uness i forget the story