Humanity - Comments

So, for one, I adored the summary. The sentences were short and fast-paced, and by the time I reached the last sentence I got really excited because I'm a sucker for murder-based stories. Anywhoo. You really did manage to suck me in, especially the first few lines. Actually I think the first chapter is my favourite, just because she interacts so much with the reader and it's really funny. Up until the end, at least.

"I would like to let you know that it took four hours to come up with an un-crackable password. I’m sure what took me hours only took you minutes. Or maybe my password was so great that you had to get one of those super computer geniuses to hack into my laptop. I’m feeling kind of shitty about myself so I’ll go with the computer genius thing."

This excerpt just made my day. I don't know why I like it so much, but I do. It also says a lot about Julie's personality, and makes me instantly like her. Because she has a good sense of humour.

I also love the little comments you make throughout the story. It just brings so much life to the character and explains everything so fully without going into so much detail.

"My ending began in a place called Tomah high school, home of the Trojans (Yeah, yeah, condoms, sex, hardy har har. Save the jokes; we’ve heard them all before.)"

^ Like that, for instance. Little comments like that really help develop her personality, as well as her school background.

"They are the best disguised monsters of them all.

They wear our skin; they have feelings, and emotions. They look us straight in the eye and misconceive us every day; hiding the true evil deep within them."

And I found this to be an extremely gorgeous description. Also very disturbing, but I suppose that was what you were aiming for. Julie's narration will have random spurts of humour and colloquial language, and then suddenly she'll spin out this profound, beautifully described quote that you end up believing is true. It's a lovely blend. :3

"Except you know, it was the day my life would crumble and fall. But other than that, perfectly normal hated Monday!"

I loved this. And I seriously hate Karen so much. My only critiscism is that you keep describing her little group of friends as a 'click', but I think it's spelt 'clique'. Apart from that, everything is really amazing.

I've subscribed to this, and reccommended it. Update soon!

I really love this! Please update soon :3 I can't wait to read more and thank you for entering my promo

I thought the last chapter was pretty good, actually :) Can I just say, I love the layout? It's beautiful!

The summary was simple and like a good summary should, gave insight but not too much information. The layout is nice and the words flows smoothly.
At first, I thought it was going to be a Lovely Bones type story so the end of the first chapter stood out. I thought it was interesting that she thought of society as the murderer and her thoughts got more interesting from there.
Can't wait to see what's going to happen!

I get grand prize for latest Mibba Halloween comment. lawl.

If Bob Dylan does not approve of silent readers then I obviously have to comment.

This kinda reminds me of something but I can't remember. D: It's quite fascinating, though! I like this whole 'society killed me thing.' Oh gosh. I dislike society.

Then in the third chapter where she says Karen made good on the threat, I was like "OH NO SHE DIDN'T." I like how you write as well. It's simple and flowly and works perfectly for this narrator. [:

I like the layout and how it's very simple and innocent, yet the storyline almost contradicts it. I think something like that would only work for certain stories, and it worked wonderfully for this

In the first chapter, I loved how the main character connected with the reader - quite literally. Again, I feel like that would only work sometimes and with this is was practically flawless. One small thing I noticed in chapter two was in the third paragraph: "...but they did led me to my decision" instead of "led" I believe it should be "lead." :) that's really the only negative thing I have to say about the story at all, ahah

It's a very well written story and isn't your typical "young girl was murdered" kind of story. I really enjoyed reading it :)

I just read chapter one and I'm pretty interested in the next few chapters, so I'm going to go ahead and read those. However, I needed to add just a tiny little critique:
"For now we’ll give my killer one simple name; society." It should be "...name: Society."
That is all. I'm going to chapter two now.

Okay, :) So - this reminds me of a book I read in school "The Lovely Bones" I think it was, not entirely sure but it has a good rythme for reading so that's good. I really enjoy a good mystery to be honest, it's one of my favorite kinds of books to read. Society killed her? Wow, that seems harsh, however people can be really terrible and cause the worst things to happen. There are a lot of things that teens worry about in this day and age and I think you explained that perfectly, I wonder who really killed her - I am so curious, all in all I love this story - it's addictive and well written with enough suspense to make me sit on the edge of my seat,

Good work!

I knew I was subscribed to this already! I was clearing out my list and you hadnt updated in a while:/ BUT i left it because you had me interested in the first chapter when she claimed that society killed her. I found one spelling error if you want to fix it or not on the second chapter 7 pararaph starting from the bottom you put arent't:p I'm sure you were just typing too fast. Anyway, please don't take long on updating this!

I really like the summary. It's a nice little beginning, and it's almost like a riddle. Or a poem. Riddle/poem WHATEVS. It's still good. There are probably thousands of types of poems, so I'll just say f*ck it and go with riddle.

So as I move on to the next chapter, I was expecting a story like Lovely Bones, but it isn't. It's humorous and the girl seems really interesting. It's simple writing, but solid writing. In that I mean, it's GOOD. Yeah. GOOD. With capitals. I really do like this. (:

I liked this chapter even better. If it were a person I would hug it. Sending a virtual hug your way, right now. Yep. Especially the part where you were talking about the people we know being monsters. That was beautifully written. I liked it. Very, very much. And it's the honest truth. I love the writing style in this. It's lightheartedness over something so serious. And that's really hard to do with this stuff. I really appreciate your work. (:

ALSO. This story reminds me of a song...
Where Dreams go to Die by The Downtown Fiction. I used to listen to them last year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSvFLo3npw&ob=av2e

Also, since this comment was 199 words after I just checked it, I'm expanding on my thoughts a little more.

I think you're a fantastic person, all around. Hugs all around. Really, I do. You've got a great personality, from what I can see. And this story was really nice. I honestly did love it. I'm going to subscribe.

.. wow that was a lame expansion of my thoughts. Ugh. I suck. But yeah. Sorry for the lateness. :D

Layout- I really like the layout of this story. I wonder how the banner is related to the story though.

Summery- I liked how you used a poem, is this a description of the main character in a way?

Chapter one- I'm not going to lie, i was hooked after reading a few paragraphs. The story has a nice, mood to it in a way. Even though she might have commited suicide. The paragraphs all work good together and i really like how you left me wanting to read more after the first chapter. The spelling and grammer are good. This is always a bonus! The tense of the story fits really well with what you are portraying.

Chapter two- I like how you defined what monsters really are. I'm starting to feel sorry the main character, I know what it's like to get bullied. I think you are doing a really good job writing this so far. I'm sure a lot of people are going to have an easy jog realting to the character, I know I had an easy job realating to her. I find myself wanting to know more about her past and why she chose to do what she did.

i hope the third chapter includes more background about her. I subscribed to this and i can't wait to read more and find out what drove her to do what she did.

Well I click this and I'm like, okay: descriptions, descriptions, descriptions- WAIT WHAT? I'mma be honest, when people start off with descriptions I'm like h'okay, dun curr, but I like it. It's like no biggie and then BAM. I WAS MURDERED. SUCK ON THAT.

I saw what you did there with your tomfoolery, rosahola.

My password isn't even that creative. Oh well. They will not need a super computer for me.

I like how she seems like someone cool and normal and stuff. I mean, I hate when teenagers in stories try to talk all smart when the author is just trying to seem smart. She seems pretty normal. Which I like because it's all MURDER CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE DUN DUN DUN. It makes me wonder about the whole how does she know she's going to be murdered thing though, like, WHUT? SOCIETY? HOW DOES SOCIETY KILL?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Oh. Oh. I get it. I understand. She killed herself. But... not really, I don't know, I like it though. How it's all "not my fault, bro, their's". They did have a lot of plagues back then, aha. That made me smile.

The awkward moment when you're actually okay with high school. NAH, BUT I LIKE THE MONSTER THING. I thought that was creative. That was definitely my favourite part, how movie monsters you can tell their motherfucking monsters because they're ugly and whatnot, but it's like monsters in disguise. I thought that was really cool. And I liked that.

WELL THEN.
I WANT TO KNOW THIS ENDING. RIGHT NOW. STORY: COMMENCE.

I like it.
:D

I read the first two chapters, and I really like this so far. I like murder stories, a lot, but I;m rarely able to figure them out. I hope you continue this soon.

Summary: It was excellent and simplistic in a very artistic way. It drew me in very easily. I really like her giving a description of herself. It really just made it.

Chapter one: I was only slightly let down by it. I didn't really expect it to be so ramble-y. I like the look into her mind, but the off track style pulled me out of the story a bit. I understand it was meant to be that way, but it just seemed a little much to me.
It was well written, though, and I like that she keeps a sense of humor. I like the character personality and I like the vague ending. Vague endings are hard to pull off in a way that you did. I really though, "Wth?!" lol. In a good way.
I didn't see any grammatical errors. Overall this chapter was very good.

Chapter two: this one was better. I LOVE the way it started. The ramblings in here didn't throw me off as much and flowed more to me. The whole chapter had a good flow to it and kept me reading smoothly. Your intrinsic way of explaining things kept me captivated. I fell in love with your character a little more also. Again, I like that she has a bit of humor throughout all this. Your comparisons to movie monsters was clever and I liked it a lot.

I would actually call this whole story and your writing style clever. The use of the word murder is interesting. She committed suicide yet she calls it murder due the fact that she felt so driven to it. It's a wonderful, unique concept that seems like it's going to turn out very interesting. I can't wait until the 'real' story begins. :3

I'm rather fond of your writing style. Your figurative language is really good - a lot better than most. You can count me as a subscriber.

I like the concept, this is a story would keep reading it is very well written, I love the imagery and the type of words you choose the character to write and say. I like this piece, it's very inspiring and good. I only dislike, nothing. I love the simple layout and the dandelion, like how she wishes she had abetter life, but instead society killed her inside and out.

This is very good! The layout is lovely and I think it compliments the story well, because the story is dark but that doesn't really mean the layout has to be, and it goes along well with the sort of light or sarcastic humor that the narrator is using.

I like the way the story is set up; this is something that was found on her laptop after she was dead, so we sort of already know the ending. Instead of spoiling the story, that makes the reader want to figure out how she died and what led her to the end. That's a very smart way to do a story.

Over all, this is very clever. The first chapter was good and the second one was even better, I find myself really enjoying the voice you're using. Good job!

& I subscribed.

Wah, I like.
Anyways, I love the title of the story, it just really drew me in and made me curious.
When I read the first chapter, I thought the character would be some ditsy girl, but really as I got more into it, the character wasn't so flat anymore, it was like an actual person with depth. I liked that.

I absolutely loved the second chapter though, just the descriptions and everything, I loved it, if there was a favorite button on Mibba, the second chapter would be on it.

I found one error, "..they did led me to my decision. you wrote led, when it should be lead, so it should be"..they did lead me to my decison.

If I quoted what I liked from the second chapter I'd have a long ass comment, so I liked it all.

Me gusta.(:

Okay, the layout is very interesting and I like it a lot. The only thing I'm not a big fan of is the font; but that's me being picky and not a reflection off of you at all.

First of all, I absolutely love the narrative voice that Julie has.

Congratulations!

If you’re currently reading this then I am not as smart as I’d like to think I am. That part made me laugh out loud. I like how she's convinced that the only reason I as the reader am reading the story is because she's dead.

I also like how she was pretty cryptic in the first chapter and then took the second chapter to explain a lot of it.

I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, so yes, keep up the good work and everything! :D

The summary drew me in. <3
Keep writing!