Everything's An Illusion - Comments

I'd just like to say that I have really enjoyed what I've read so far, and I hope this story remains active. I'd love to see what happens next.

Hi :3

I liked everything about the layout besides the banner. I just feel as if the red font and color clashes With the floral background of the story area. I think this is just my preference talking though >.<

Wow, the summary is GREAT. I absoloutely loved it!! It has a great hook, and pulled me in automatically. Good job on that!

The prologue was good, not necessarily great, but it was good. I think it's because it was lacking the UNF you had from the summary, so it seemed kinda bland right after it. I like the way she thinks though. I can see she's going to be a pretty interesting character!

The first chapter. Wow, I did not expect the swearing xP I found it hilarious though. Mega-bitch mode, I'm stealing that from you xD Anyways, I liked this chapter. I figured she was a quiet child, and Dee the louder one. I just can't help but feel as if there will be a fight going on between them though in the future. See this? You've got me thinking. You may not have meant there to be any foreshadowing, but there was and you've got me thinking about the future and now I WANT to read on. That's a good skill all authors should have!

Second chapter. Loved that line, "Not likely." that is a knee slapper, I'm telling you! It made me laugh xD I think you should've mentioned Emma's name sooner in the story. Also, I had no idea about her nightmares or the voices. I don't neccasarily know if that's a good thing or bad thing yet. Part of me says that you should've mentioned her fear of darkness at the cematary because it was dark there too. But another told me that you probably meant for it to be this way. But I don't know!

Anyways, this is a good story you've got going on here, continue! ^_^

Summary: um so that freaked me out, but in a good way. Very intrigued! On to chapter 1!
Chapter One: Oh that first line! Very, very good and a great hook. It made me want to read it straight away. This chapter, though it was short, was lovely. It was funny and poignant and suspenseful all at once, and that takes skill :) Well done
Chapter Two: This was really quite good. First-person narrative always seems a bit... clunky to me, but this was quite well-written, and to me, it's because the narrator is actually explaining everything to the audience - like a voice over in a movie. Sorry, that was rather ineloquently put. I like Deeana's little quirk of going in the middle of the night & not speaking to the narrator if she didn't accompany her - makes it all the more heart wrenching. Ooh, that's a suspenseful end to chapter two!
Chapter Three: Yay! She has a name! And I feel terrible for Emma's mother - she has to deal with two heartbroken people. Oh the poor dear.
Hm, it's got me wondering now if Emma didn't actually imagine the voice saying not likely... this was short and sweet, but definitely interesting. Can't wait for more - you're a wonderful writer.

She still has school in June? Damn, we got out in like middle of May. I find the whole hearing voices interesting, and of course the childish fear is definitely essential to what you're later going to show us. I would've liked to get a bit more background on that bit though. Maybe when did the voices start? Obviously, fear of the dark is something almost every child goes through so that isn't that unnatural, and clearly the voices would cause that fear. But I'm curious as to whether or not the voices began later in life or as a child. Great work, can't wait for the next chapter.

I really like the name Dustin, lol. The summary was very attention grabbing! I was very intrigued and I went on to the chapters. I was super creeped out by Deeana for some reason towards the end when she was carving something into his tombstone, I wanted to know what she carved! And the creepiness goes along with Dustin and I assume he's just been lingering for some tie after his death, so I'm wondering just as Camille Rose said, just how long he's been watching everyone! That'd be rather interesting, if he had been watching Emma for a long time and she had only now started noticing it. This was great, it's very intriguing & interesting. Nicely Done!

Your summary and the prologue really drew me in at first, but as I read the other two chapters, I really found myself losing interest honestly. I don't know what it really was though, but there was just something that was slowly making me lose interest. It's probably just a personal preference of mine.

The idea of the story though sounds very, very interesting. The idea of the story does actually seem like it can go in a pretty interesting and good way depending on where you do take the story. You've writing is very good, it seemed to flow together pretty well. Everything in the story seemed very real. The characters, the emotions, just everything that was happening and it was very good the way you wrote it.

To start off, I like the layout and the picture of the guy as the banner. Though the red font on the title is a bit hard to read, it definitely fits well with the idea of death that seems to be part of this story. As for the summary, right after I read it I subscribed xD I love stories about ghosts, and the people who can see them because they have an open mind TO see them. This is so exciting :D

The prologue was very good at pulling in the reader, and I love things in the past. Even though 1999 was really all too long ago, really. But still. And also, it was nice to see that Dustin - the aforementioned ghost? - was someone who she knew of before seeing him as a...ghost. Illusion.

Onto chapter one, I absolutely adored the way you wrote Emma's character. She's so relatable, especially where I share all the same fears as her and general nervousness. Deeana, despite sort of annoying me a bit with how she was (in a sense) torturing her best friend, is also quite likeable of a character and nice to read about. When Emma made that comment about feeling like she's being watched, I thought back to the summary and had to laugh. How long has he been watching them, I wonder? (If that is who she's referring to)

IS THAT HIM?! Oh my gosh, I am loving, LOVE LOVE LOVING this story. GAH. I can't even. Emma is just too relatable xD At least I know I'm not the only one who hides under the covers at night because of whatevers outside xD Oh my gosh, though. I love this. Please keep writing it.

I will try and comment every update, I swear on it xDDD This is awesome <3

I really like this. The layout fits the story and summary is very good but what I want to know is why is he stalking her? He's never even met her.

I shall read more to find out.

I really love this piece. I only read the prologue and the first chapter but the writing is exquisite. Everything about it is so thought-provoking and I'm definitely curious. I adore the summary becuase that's what really pulled me in. I love the desperation in the male's voice. I'm obviously assuming it's Dustin but seriously. The plot is lovely, I like that you make it someone who clearly wasn't important in her life. I like the randomisity of it. just...yay. XD

I'm really liking this, and the way you're writing it any everything! I don't really like Deeana, she kind of seems like a drama queen. I do not tolerate drama queens! But I do like Emma. She's scared of the dark, goes to a cemetery because her "best friend" is practically forcing her to, and on top of that, SHE'S BEING HAUNTED BY SAID BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER. When she heard the whisper in her ear, I just love that! I really like your main character, ahah. Gah, I love this. <3

Cemetery has three e's in it, though. No a's. Just had to point that out, in case there's a lot of cemetery-visiting in this story. ;)

This is great so far!

The way it starts is good. A story that starts with death in that way is almost always guaranteed to be interesting, and I get the feeling that she's able to see dead people. And since she is, in my opinion, then I think she'll see Dustin and maybe have to help him or it'll be a bit romantic or something. Just my opinion on the future!

Your writing is very good. It's easy to read and I've seen no mistakes. You've done a great job of making your characters very lively and realistic. I like the relationship between the narrator and her best friend. Very unique in that, even though they are friends, they don't really like each other very much.

Keep up the good work!

For the first chapter being as short as it is, it held quite a bit of information. It obviously left me with so many questions that I had to continue reading. And I still have questions! I mean I have predictions that I hope are right. xD

The layout is very nice by the way. I love love love the banner picture. ;)

As for the first chapter, it was great. I really don't like her friend. I feel bad she lost her brother and all, but she seems pretty bitchy. Then again it's only one chapter. :)
The main character is obviously a good friend though.

And the writing. I loved it. There wasn't way too much detail and there wasn't way too much dialogue. You seemed to even it out pretty well and write in a way that keeps a reader interesting. The story idea itself is wonderful, but the writing is also quite amazing!

Good job. (:
I'm subscribing!

Okay, so the first chapter was super fresh. It was incredibly interesting - told plenty, yet kept so many secrets. I'm really hooked already and plan on going back to read the rest and subscribe once I finish. I just really want to know more about who Dustin was and why this chick wasn't affected by his death until nine years later. It's pretty wild sounding to me. You have a very lovely writing style and it's just so cutesy and easy to read. Even though this topic isn't cutesy at all. I just seriously wonder what this will be about and I'm bouncing up and down in my seat as I read. Fantastic job! :D

Nice first chapter. It doesn't take from what was made originally and creates a mystery as well. The characters thus far are pretty real. I have a couple of friends that act just like Deena.

That was a good update. I've lost someone, but I don't know where he's buried. I don't like cemeteries and sometimes I feel like I'm being watched.

I really like this. I like an stories involving ghosts :)

Subscribing.

That prologue was wonderful. I felt that it could have been a bit more descriptive but nonetheless, I enjoyed it and it really grabbed my attention and piqued my interest. You have a nice flow in your writing style and I really liked that.

One thing I'd suggest is that the last line of the prologue ("Dustin wasn’t a part of my life until nine years after his death.") be separated into it's own line (as in, separate it from the paragraph and put it on it's own). Merely because it holds such an impact that I believe it's best if it's on it's own. That's what I would do. It would make that last sentence stand out even more to the reader. It's importance would become even more known.

All in all, I really liked this. The summary had me hooked from the start. The one thing I didn't like, and only because I am such a nitpicker, is the layout. Personally, I think it'd mesh more if you switched the story page background and the page background. I don't think it really flows well the way it is and I feel like it would flow better and appear nicer if you switched the two. Just my thoughts on that.

The summary was really good and interesting, but the prologue was the real kicker. It's the first time in a long time when I felt a prologue was appropriately used.There was enough mystery to want to know more and it gave us enough information to hold onto. Plus, I think it's going to be a "ghost whisper" story. Bonus Points :)

Seems good.....

I really like the picture you used as the banner! Tattoos and a cigarette? Yes, pleeeease.

Oooh~ I like the summary. I'm wondering what the hell this is going to be about, but it looks good. The summary grabbed my attention successfully and made me want to read more, so kudos for that.

You really know how to grab my attention! "I was eight years old when I first experienced death." Veeery nice. (; I love how she ponders death. It's so easily readable, I just want to eat all your words up! I liked this. It seems like an original idea, how this guy's death affected her in a kind of roundabout way. And nine years later? What's that all about!

This was really good. I'm subbinggg~