Shy as Can Be, Can't Meet Shy-er Than Me - Comments

Omg its awesome :D I had a feeling they would blame Ryan first xD

update plz! great story!

It's been two days and you haven't updated D: I really hope you never finish this story its amazing <3

omg please keep writing!!!

Wow, this was a really interesting story! When I read the title I was expecting something completely different, kinda like an awkward high school student in a romantically involved relationship with one of the band members. It was a pleasant surprise to find that my suspicions were incorrect. You did a great job writing this piece!

This is such an amazing story :') I love it so much lol

I really absolutely love this story I really hope you write more soon please

Yeah I read all of this today and I Absolutly LOOVE thi story soo pleeaasseee keep writing :):)

I hope you could continue this story! I read all of it today, and I love it :)

I really love this story! I hope you continue with it because I really wanna know what happens! ^_^

Comment Swap;

Hey, so I have no idea of this band you’ve written for, not to offend you or anything, but this story seems pretty awesome anyway :) Just a few pointers - maybe a little more spacing in between lines and conversations make the reading a little easier, but other than that - I enjoyed the story so far! :) Your characters are fun and your story flows smoothly. Plus, I love the story plot :)

keep writing, and keep the fun alive x

I thank you so much for writing a MIW story. They just don't get enough love these days.

I love you so much for writing this<3
Cant wait for the next chapter :D

Hey
I absoultely love this story, and I think it's written fantastically. Can't wait ot read what you do with it and what happens next.

Kay
x

Hey :) I've never been into miw a whole lot, but I /did/ see them live, so I suppose I should probably have been a bit more inclined to at least listening to them some...>.> BUT, nevertheless, I did very much enjoy reading this lovely story of yours!

Angelo seems to be a very... hmm. a very enticing character x) it's too bad he doesn't get much love :( poor angelo.

I am very sad that you received so much criticism; but I will say most definitely that rewriting a story can be very rewarding! :) As far as that last chapter, though, (with nothing but an author's note as the chapter) I will warn you that that is a "serious offense" in the Mibba story rules, and could get you banned from the site... D': Be careful of that, dear. I'd suggest deleting it, just to be safe.

The only criticism I have to offer would just be that you'd be likely to benefit from going through and creating lines between paragraphs and dialogue. Block stories are not only hard to read, but generally looked down upon by the Mibba admins...>.> don't wanna come across a Mibbian reporting fiend, it's never fun. :(

Anywho x)

I loved this and you should be very proud of your work! <3

Molly

hey! so I'm not familiar with the band, but I came across this through comment swap. I think with some more development, this could be a good story. Creating more paragraphs and indenting would definitely make it easier on the eye to read.

I agree that dialogue is not a bad thing. If you added some more descriptions, it would definitely improve the quality of the story. But I definitely think you could be on to something.

Don't get discouraged and keep it going! (:

Comment Swap..
I think you have a solid idea for a story here. I like the way that it starts with the two meeting, rather than there being a bunch of chapters of background info leading up to their meeting. It jumps right into the action and that’s refreshing. I think this beginning works really well as long as you eventually work in all the typical background information in later chapters.

As for there being a lot of dialogue, I don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing. Dialogue is an important part of many stories. I do feel that you should work in more detail around the dialogue because it does make it difficult for the reader to envision the story as it is now. Something that I do is I actually write all of my dialogue first and then go back and add detail and the story around it. Maybe that could be something you consider doing, too. I find that it works really well.

Don’t get frustrated with this story. With a bit of work, you will create a great story!

To me, the layout seems unreadable. I don't mean to complain, but white on black hurts a lot of people's eyes. Maybe try a medium grey as the text color, it would really help the reader. I'm very confused in the beginning, so an idea may be to create a little backstory, like about the trip maybe. Tell where the characters are from, before conversation begins. I'm also thoroughly confused about the part where the main character said she'd been dragged to New York city, yet they made her drive? It doesn't really make sense, because if someone is dragged somewhere, they would normally refuse to drive, right?
This Angelo fellow, is he famous or is it an original character? And what is the main character's name?
I sound really bossy and mean, but I'm only trying to help.
Grammar is essential in a story, I warn you. Many people cannot handle bad grammar. You must proof-read your posts.
You have a writer's potential, but see where you can get more information on writing much better. I'm not saying your writing is bad, trust me, it could just use some work, as does mine and everyone else's. There's always room for improvement.
Overall, the story seems to have a good plot, just try to proof-read and add more detail.

A couple pieces of advice for you...
Try to space out your dialogue and your paragraphs. It's very hard on the eyes to read something when everything is all muddled together. It's looks a lot nicer when there is space between dialogue and actual paragraphs that are distinguishable from other parts of the story.
Also, I would like if you could make it clearer about who is speaking, like using "Angelo said..." or "I said..." It makes it a lot easier to understand who is saying what, and it helps with defining what the person is trying to portray through their words.
You have a great idea for a story here, but it just needs some work to make it better.

So comment swap brought me here, and although I have no idea who Angelo Parente is, I think you have a good idea going on here. Your grammar is fine for the most part and the only suggestion I really have is to make it more detailed and make action and setting as opposed to straight dialogue. But other than that, it's fine! Keep writing cause you've got something going here!