I really like this. Dallas is so real. His emotions and train of thought are so raw and open that it's hard to imagine that he isn't real. You really are a gifted writer.
June 14th, 2012 at 03:35am
comment swap
First thing I noticed was that your first two chapter title include “chapter (number here)” but the rest don’t. This may have been a typo? The summary was very interesting, leaving enough up to question so that the reader would be compelled to keep going. I like how you managed to tell us a little bit about Dallas’s character without simply saying “Dallas was a boy of such-and-such and age and he was personality-trait-here and second-personality-trait-here.” You actually seemed to show your reader who Dallas was before the story even begins!
Your layout is also very nice and neat, however the chapter title gets hidden because both the font color and the banner which is its backdrop are very dark. Possibly, try making one of them a shade that contrasts better so we can see everything.
In the first chapter I liked how you immediately jumped into the story without any tedious introductions and the inner-monologue style is great. Its quick pace allows the story to flow very well. Just from first starting your story, it was clear to me that you were a very skilled writer.
I do, however, agree with Liilly about the title.
Though this is not the style of story I am interested in and do not plan on continuing it, I'm impressed by your writing skills (: Best of luck!
