Bulletproof Heart - Comments

Here from Comment Swap.
Layout.
I like it. Not so much a fan of the banner, but I can see where you were going. I like the colors used, they're girly but still edgy almost. Text is easy to read, so top marks there.

Content
The plot seems a little cliche. I feel as if I've read it before, but I'm only on the second chapter yet, so my opinion will hopefully be changed as I progress through this! I like the characters, hopefully I get to know more about them and their stories as this moves on. I didn't notice any mistakes yet either, which is great! I like your descriptions, you don't overwhelm me with a ton, but you keep them there subtly. The text flows well and is easy to read, so all in all, I like it!

I think you do a great job with getting the reader immediately interested. Your first chapter leaves a lot of questions for the reader and it forces them to continue reading. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, so nice job on that. The concept is really interesting to me and like I said before, even if it wasn't interesting, the first chapter is so vague you really need to continue reading in order to feel satisfied. The only thing I would consider is being a little less liberal with your descriptions. I am in agreement with other commenters that you have a gift for imagery, but there was some points where I was getting a little lost in the metaphors. I would just switch it up from time to time in order to keep the reader from feeling bombarded by metaphors and similes. Overall, you have a really great start here! Good luck with your story! You've got wonderful descriptions throughout the story. I love your paragraph and chapter lengths. They're just about perfect. But, I would suggest proofreading a little. There are a few mistakes throughout the piece. Though the story is a little hard for me to follow (probably cause it's just not the genre I'm into), it's still sounds like it has great potential! Keep on writing! :)

I thought I posted my comment -.- silly computer.
Anyway what I said in my comment was: I really like this fanfiction, I can't wait to read more, I have no faults with it and I find it an enjoyable read, please update soon I am subscribing and recommending this because the ideas behind this are brilliant! :D

omg really enjoying the fic! i was sent from comment swap and almost died while reading. i hope you keep writing! i looooveee this fic! :P

omg this was an adorable update :')

fucking knock him into next week Gee!

Get that bastard Gee!

holy shit holy shit holy shit!!!!

Thank god they went back and got her! Poor Vi!

At least Gee knows now....

Update soon please!

Okay, so hi, I'm from comment swap.
now that the niceties are out of the way... asdfghjklkfm hcyjt dxwoki porfiogftfedggxcjwehdekrfjod. That is my emotion right now. This story is AMAZING! I never get My Chem fics on CS and I love when I do. There are a lot of tiny grammatical mistakes, but I barely noticed them because I was so glued to the story. There are a couple of things I would like to point out...

First of all, I think you should put who's POV it is at the start of the chapter, it can get very confusing.

I think this story should have been set in the Revenge/Early BP era, so that Gerard hasn't met or married LynZ, but Frank was still with Jamia.

I think you moved a little too quickly with the relationships in this story. You should have let them draw out a little more to keep the reader guessing.

I think you write together really well! I didn't even know it was a co-write until I checked the comments. Your styles compliment each other perfectly.

And lastly... UGH THE ENDING OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THERE ARE GOING TO BE MORE CHAPTERS AND THAT V DOESN'T JUST DIE WHAT WILL GERARD DO SIGH.

Okay, fangirl over. Keep up the good work with this story you two!

Comment swap! Yay!

This story...is absolutely amazing! I don't usually read the full thing for comment swaps, but I was just so drawn in by the first chapter that I couldn't stop reading! I'm subscribed!

The thing I would have to say about this story is that the relationships between Frank and Gee and Vi and Pru are very rushed. I mean, Gee and Vi were proclaiming their love in a VERY short period of time (or dating-wise it is). And Frank and Pru were just dancing around a relationship for a while, but that usually starts with coffee rather than them shirtless and making out on a couch...but I guess that could work too hahah

I love this story- the characters are well developed and making them polar opposites was a good idea. Throwing the twist in with Trent was a little cliche, but I still like it.

Keep writing you two! It's really good! You guys compliment each other's writing styles really nicely- you can hardly tell it's a co-write!!!

Hellloooo. I've been brought here from comment swap!
I've got to say, I thought this was going to be a Pierce The Veil story considering the title, but I was really glad to see that it's My Chemical Romance. I haven't read one of these in quite awhile and I'm excited to get into the habit again. I just wanted to leave you your comment, but after that I'm going to read the rest of the story. Good job with this!

-Jess xx

Hey! I found this story from comment swap and I'm glad that I decided to do it. I read the first couple of chapters before commenting. I am definitely going to subscribe to this story. It reminds me when my and my best friend made two MCR fan fictions that cross into each other. Mikey is just a cute dork and Gee is so Mmm. Lol.

I am totally loving this story and I can wait to hit submit to read some more. When Vivi screamed out the sexy beast part I just burst out laughing. It's great to read a fan fiction about an actual band that I like listening to. :) I am definitely hooked on this story.

I come from comment swap :) I'm so happy to get a band I actually like! I kept getting One Direction and I was all 'EWWW'

Anyway's, this is really good. I was hooked by the third chapter! The characters are well developed and everyone is funny but each in their own way. The writing flows well and is writen very well, be super proud of this! Subscribing!

Ah! I love my chemical romance, SOO happy this showed up on my comment swap. Ah ok. So I really like the plot, the whole idea of her going. And the descriptions and how you made the characters was really descriptive, really helped you visualize things. I also loved your layout and i love the girls hair in the misfits shirt aha. Great story, Keep writing babe xx

Okay, so this is before I read. I really like your title. It has me interested already. And your layout. I like it too. Did you make it recently? I can't figure out how to do it on the new layout editor, so kudos to you if you figured it out. If not, it's still really pretty!

Reading time! You have a really great story line going so far. I think you should run with it. The onnly thing I would suggest is that you use spacing between your dialouge.

For example Do this:

“Shit where are we gonna put Billie?” Gee muttered.

“He can take my bunk, I'm with Pru.” Frank said.

“Do I get a say?” Pru asked.

Instead of this:

“Shit where are we gonna put Billie?” Gee muttered.
“He can take my bunk, I'm with Pru.” Frank said.
“Do I get a say?” Pru asked.

It will just make it a bit easier to read for some people. Haha. I only say this because i've seen authors get ticked about it when too many people complain. Otherwise, very good job! :)

this story is great, the dialogue is easy flowing and witty, and it just makes each character seem like so much fun it also helps give them each a unique personality. I love the relationships that you have developed though i love Franks and Pru's relationship more. This story was fun to read so good job :)

Lol love the summary. Even though (don't kill me) I don't like My Chemical Romance too much it really pulled me in. I like it, keep up the good job.
There are no horrible grammar mistakes either.
Sorry, they keep giving me this story :D

Lol love the summary. Even though (don't kill me) I don't like My Chemical Romance too much it really pulled me in. I like it, keep up the good job.
There are no horrible grammar mistakes either.

Lol love the summary. Even though (don't kill me) I don't like My Chemical Romance too much it really pulled me in. I like it, keep up the good job.

The boss reminds me of Peter Parker's boss from the Daily Bugle in Spiderman :D Anyway, I have to admit that I'm not really an MCR fangirl. I like some of their music, but I never really got into them, if you know what I mean. But that doesn't detract from the fact that your writing is pretty decent and this wasn't boring to read :D I think that if you just keep the pace slow and realistic, you will be fine!