Death by Desire - Comments

@ bxgurl95
hope you enjoy whats to come! thanks for the support love!

Haters gonna hate! I love the line about her daring anyone to spek their thoughts. Can't wait for the next chapter (can't wait for them to have alone time lol ;)) they do need to work on their friendship though. As muchs Orion's right and people are gonna talk he does need to stand up for her a bit more

@ bxgurl95
thank you for reading:) i cant wait to see what that crazy bitch has in store ;)

Wooohoo
It's been a little bit but I'm glad you updated. I was confused in the beginning but then I realized he was saying their cover is that they are friends. Can't wait to see Pippa freak out and if Orion defends Iris. Alice that he doesn't only have dick friends.

@ bxgurl95
:)

This line "Disaster seems to follow us both around so why the fuck not?" PURE genius.
Cute that he went over the see her reaction and she's admitting that she likes him and is drawn to him. Interested to see how he "handles" Pippa

haha i would never spoil it! >:D we appreciate the support!

Haha, don't worry. I don't want any spoilers! I do plan to keep reading most definitely ^_^

@ Mizzie
thanks! :) possibly possibly...but you'll just have to keep reading to find out ;)

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I actually posted a comment! Love the update, as always, and I can't wait until you guys post again! Looks like things are going to get heated soon ;) xD

@ bxgurl95
theres more interesting things to come. thanks for the comment and keep a lookout! :)

well BECAUSE he didn't actually defend her to Pippa but I guess it's part of her plans. Fire and Ice make an interesting combination..

@ Tsuki.Momo
thanks:) we appreciate it and hope you keep reading!

Gorgeous! I can't wait for the next installment, you're really very good!

I just finished your last update. Your characters are really coming along. Once in a while I come across something you wrote and I think, "Wow, that is a great visual!" Some of the things you write really seem real to me, like a reaction. Something I don't normally do with my characters... the way Victoria snapped her fingers at Iris. I could just see the reactions of all the characters. I think their feelings are realistic and and meaningful. I can see the plot working up quite well.

So far, so good! :D

When something is in a different language than the one you speak, usually it's put in italics--that's what I've seen in other books that I've read.

His cousin is a cop? That's cool. Lucky him, I guess. lol

Lol, I thought the expression "F*ck me with a chainsaw" was hilarious. :P

I hope you don’t mind constructive criticism… but one thing you might want to work on is separating the dialog from your different characters. Example:

“Excuse me.” I said, trying to step around him. He grabbed my wrist and lightly skimmed his thumb over the soft flesh there.

“Maybe we should start talking” he said, moving closer.

I pulled away. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

He laughed. “See you in detention.”

I paused. “How did you…”

He laughed again. “My mom’s the principal. I know more than you think.” He left me standing there, fuming, butterflies going crazy in my stomach.

There are a couple other times you crowd everything together, like the dialogue between the Iris and the principal.

Oh, and when the teacher tells the principal’s son about his failing grade… I suppose that’s okay, but from what I know, teachers aren’t allowed to share that information in public—that part, to me, seemed unrealistic.

Other than that I love your character! I think you have her personality pinned. I might not know the name of designer clothes, but the way your character walks in all on her high horse, you really get a sense of who she is.

Woot woot I wonderif Orion's dumbass will notice what's happening