Claimed to Be Broken - Comments

I'm reading the Chapter "Premonition" and I'm from comment swap. I'm just going to jot points down as I read, if thats okay.
First off though, the theme is cute. I don't think the word 'wolfed' is the right way to describe the way Sofia drank her water. I tend to associate that word with eating. And we have a flash back thingo. Oh wow that's intense man. Just casually get let into the building by some man that I imagined to have an Indian accent. Love the descriptions though. AAAAND another flash back thingo. Guessing she sees dead people.Woah... Daddy issues... So everyone sees dead people? I'm confused. And I feel as though this lacks something. Like right after the second dead person scene, I mean. there's something missing. "You know, I regret what I did back then." The man shuffled on his feet, pleading eyes almost begging me to understand, to forgive him for something that... Blah blah blah. Yennow? A little bit of that stuff there would be nice.

I will be returning to read all of this. Beware: You will possibly receive some more nonsense comments.

I really loved this story, it was just amazing :3

Ohhh, I loved this! I'm a sucker for ghost stories. Im happy comment swap took me here. :) layout was good. It's fairly easy to read. Also, there wasn't any errors or typos, so kudos! Im glad you completed this. It was short, but still, very good. I'm glad there was a happy ending. :)

Lovely summary and layout :)

So this is probably just New Mibba (and not you doing it on purpose), but the layout on the first chapter is a bit messed up. The text has moved up, the chapter title has moved down, and it doesn't look good at all... Should probably look into fixing that...

...like open windows that lead to the content of her soul. - very cliché... I would have liked more description, like what they allowed Sammy to see, what emotions they gave away, etc.

What started off as a normal start to a story turned so quickly and effortlessly into such a creepy horror story. It was really great. Well done. :)

Lovely summary and layout :)

So this is probably just New Mibba (and not you doing it on purpose), but the layout on the first chapter is a bit messed up. The text has moved up, the chapter title has moved down, and it doesn't look good at all... Should probably look into fixing that...

...like open windows that lead to the content of her soul. - very cliché... I would have liked more description, like what they allowed Sammy to see, what emotions they gave away, etc.

What started off as a normal start to a story turned so quickly and effortlessly into such a creepy horror story. It was really great. Well done. :)

I loved this story. It's so cute with the innocent love lost and the fact that even in death love will find a way back. I love it.

I love the layout of this story. The italics and such were started to confuse me, but then I figured it out. I love the plot line, and the characters. The plot and the emotions attached to the story are almost palpable. It's awesome. I'm so glad I got to be able to read this.

I really like the layout, it completes the story and makes it all that bit more sweet. I love the idea of the two characters forever trapped by the "unforgiving death" it's a really good idea. You've created the characters perfectly and I congratulate you with how real you've made them seem and your use of detail is fasinating. I'm glad I got a chance to read this. Keep it up you have a real talent.

So far, I really like this. You're a wiz with adding detail to what would be a dull moment, which I love. It's especially well done since it's in first person, which sometimes makes details not so easy. The only real grammatical error I noticed was, "I could tell this house was of sentimental value to her because ever since I could remember, she’s been visiting this house for everyday of each summer." The only thing you need to do is omit the bolded word. but other than that, the first chapter was great!

This is so cool! It's very different to most of the ghost stories I've seen, and I like that Lucas has to be in 'physical' contact in order for the memories to transfer. It's interesting to see Lucas' perspective, and interactions between him and Sofia are lovely. Also, the story layout is gorgeous.

First, I really love the layout you have for this story, I have fallen for it! And secondly I love your characters. Very well written, keep it up =]

Might I just say that I absolutely loved this! It was truly a beautiful story! The layout was beautiful as well. Very befitting of the story. I think you have a great talent for showing and making the reader feel emotion, as I experienced nearly every emotion while reading this piece. I really like reading stories about ghosts, so that's a plus for your story. Plus, lately, I have been really into romance stories, which is clearly a part of this. I also love how you turned a subject so tragic into something that had a happy ending. I think that's really admirable. Like I said previously, overall, it's just brilliant!

At first, I was going to suggest that you combine some of the paragraphs because they're rather short. But as I continued reading, I decided against that. The way you have them formatted almost pulls the reader into reading, wanting to know what comes next. So I commend you on that. But, one suggestion I do have is: I don't know about anyone else, but I could really do without the parenthesis when clarifying what certain things are. For example, "apparitions (ghosts)," "sucker (lollipop)," & "toque (hat)." The only reason I suggest this is because I feel that some of them are kind of obvious, like 'apparition' and 'sucker.' But if you're unsure about whether people will understand or not, perhaps you should just switch it to the more common word. Also, if someone really is unsure as to what the word means, they can always look it up in the dictionary rather than you having to tell them outright in parenthesis. But that's just a suggestion, not really something you have to do.

Anyway, you've done some really great work here! Good job!

i don't think i've ever cried so hard while reading a story on Mibba. that was fantastic. you have a wonderful writing style.

ajklsd. holy crap.
you're writing is amazing, plain and simple. so much detail in it that I feel like I'm right there, granted, I did only read the first chapter but I so plan on subscribing and finish reading.
amazing layout also, fits the story perfectly.
keep it up! <3

AMAZING! :)

Okay, so I already like this story and I didn't even begin reading it yet! Your layout is very simple and pretty as well. <3 Anyways, onto the review!

Whoa, when she begins to call out to her parents in the first chapter, this major chill ran down my spine. For some odd reason, this reminds me of that book A Certain Slant of Light; it obviously has to do with ghosts and their sentimental value to certain people and objects. Total lightbulb over the head, bahah. The entirety of this chapter was extremely creepy - her parents disappearing, the blonde person darting in the house that's now running toward her. What's going on?! Crazysauce! O_O

So that blonde person...is an angel? I'd legit freak. Or think it's my brother. Like the other commentors said, angel or not, I'd hop out the window and have a heart attack on the concrete or something, lmao. I wonder why this angel is crying and what's the significance with Sofia. And who's Nina and what's going on?! Ack, I'm slightly confuzzled now. I'd really like to find out more about what happened to this Nina girl and who this Jerry dude is and why Lucas is dead in the first place. My interest is piqued now!

This is really great so far, but since I gotta jam, I'll sub to this and continue reading tomorrow. Lovely job! <3

I cried to fucking badly at the end.
Asdfghjklsdf. I have no words for this beautiful story :'D

awwwadslkfsjdf

i'm in love with this story, it really captured my attention; can't wait to read more! >:D <3

OH MY F*CKING GAWD! OH MY LAWD! OH MY JESUS! I WANNA MOTHER F*CKING MURDER THAT A**HOLE FOR KILLING LUCAS! LUCAS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING AND SWEET AND UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IT WAS ALL CAUSE OF HIS SON! WHY WOULD YOU MURDER YOUR ENEMY'S SON!? GO MURDER YOUR ENEMY!!!! WHAT THE F********CCKKKKKK!?

NOW I WANNA READ MORE OF YOUR STORY BUT I CAN'T!!!!

Thank you sooo much for whoring out my stories <3 I loooove you too ;D

OH EM GEE! THAT STUPID NINA WHORE! SHE MADE THEM BREAK UP!!!! WHAT THE HELL!? I WAS LIKE :O OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!

And then I read this line "If I were to die because of staying with you, then I'll find a way of coming back to you, somehow. I promise. And I was like "AWWWWWWW!!!!" I want a guy to say that to me!!!!

OH LAWD! LUCAS IS SO....SO....SO....AMAZING!!!!