The Sweetest Dream Will Never Do - Comments

I am in low with this story

Oh shit, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

Update soon!

Love it, great race can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

I am so in love with this story! Please update soon!

I'm really loving this story it's really good, I like tht Edward has a biological sister tht is also a vampire and this whole Jacob imprinting on Savannah I kinda saw it coming when he was over at Bella's house when Alice and Savannah were there and he stared at Savannah for five minutes until he looked away, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

Comment Swap c:

Hi, I'm Allison. I've never liked Twlight, but this story is absolutely flawless. Your characters were well-described, the plot was different, but I still loved it. The only thing that bothers me, and this is just my opinoin, is the text color (or background). I found myself distracted by the background whilst I was reading this.

Other than that, I loved this story. It really is great. Keep up the good work, lovely. xx.

Really good! Cant wait fkt more!! I like how you kept the originsl story and just added your own charcter. Update soon??

its really good

Comment Swap c:

I've never read any of the Twilight books so I didn't exactly understand the plot but from what I've read it's really good. I recognize some of the main characters because of my sister so the way you added in your own character but didn't change the plot was quite good.

Continue where you're going! C:

I find it so unbelievably clever that you used the original storyline and tweaked it to fit a new character. I haven't read it in any other Twilight story before, so that immediately caught my attention as a positive. Very quirky and different.

Savannah is lovely. She isn't irritating or Mary-Sue-like at all, which can often happen when creating an OC in an existing fandom. That's definitely worth notable credit.

Although it is slightly over-paced, there is immense potential in this. Twilight is a tricky one, so all you can do is concentrate on writing the best story you can.

Keep up the good work! xx

Firstly, like a few others, I'm coming at this with a negative view of the whole Twilight series, so I apologise in advance for that. Also, the layout is gorgeous, but (and I don't know if it's just me) having the pattern behind the words distracts me ever so slightly. Not that it takes away from the story at all, but I just thought I'd mention it.

And now the story. Like a few others also, I find it relatively difficult to read your story without line breaks. I used to do it myself, so I feel bad pointing it out, but you should double-space between your paragraphs so that it leaves a small break. It makes it so much easier to read, and it's also grammatically correct, and if I remember, it's actually part of the Mibba rules.

Moving on from that, I only intended on reading once chapter, but I'm halfway through the second. I quite like the idea you've got going, and in the second chapter you've used line breaks, so that makes me want to read on more! I really like Savannah's character, you've obviously planned her out very well. I like how it seems to follow a parallel with the first book, but with an added character, and told from the vampire perspective, rather than Bella's perspective (the main reason why I hate Twilight is Bella and her perspective, so massive kudos to you!)

All in all, I think you've got a fabulous little story here, the only thing I would suggest is editing the first chapter to add in line breaks, so it doesn't put people off at first glance, because you really do have a nice thing going on here! Well done! :)

First the bad: Your paragraphs have semblance of breakage (which is a good thing), but you need to break them more. There need to be actual spaces between the paragraphs of your story.
This includes breaks in dialogue. It's not only uneasy on the eyes, but actually grammatically incorrect.
I see that other people have already made this point, though. >_>; So I'm sure you're already improving.

The good:

Kudos for staying true to the original source. I also like the effort you put into correct grammar and spelling here. I commend you for leaving the original twist to your character, and trying your best to just make this the same story through your (or your character's) eyes.
Keep up the good work.

Comment Swaper here, and I have to apologise in advance, I am in no way a fan of Twilight, so I’ve come to this apprehensive. I think you would benefit from rereading over a few things, just to help the flow of story. And the layout is gorgeous but it would be easier to read if you had spaces between paragraphs and maybe new paragraphs when a new character is speaking. Although the premise is really interesting, it’s intriguing seeing the story of Twilight play out from the vampires points of view, I really did like the mind meld conversations they exchange and the playful banter they have going, it’s nice to know how the other half lives.

Comment swap!
Hey! You commented on one of my stories! Anyway, I'm not a huge Twilight fan but I did read all the books and I've seen all the movies. I really like this. I like how you recreated it with a different point of view. The idea is brilliant. Keep it up!
p.s. Is the title from a song? I think I recognize it?

it's funny how i was expecting something ~bubbly~ when i clicked on the story because of the title but it was more dark and vampire things but yeah i enjoyed twilight and i definitely enjoy twilight fics! it's fun and catchy!

I love this tory <3 I love the twilight saga in general and I really adore savannah <3 I love the idea of Edward having a real sister. The only thing I don't really like is the layout but that may just be my oppinion <3

I found the layout a little difficult to read since it's not centered, but that's okay! Great story (: please update soon.

Pease update soon! =)

I'm not one for Twilight stories per say. But your story was very well written. The first chapter was a good length, and I think you did awesome on it. :) The layout was a little unreadable. I found myself reading on the custom layout section. But that's just me. I like my layouts aligned to the center. haha. I can't wait to see what happens. :)