Picking Stitches - Comments

Here I am with a comment /random.

Ok, let's see (I comment as I read.)

Layout/Banner : It's nice. I can read the content well, without getting too distracted with colours. That's a good balance.

Summary: You have "with" repeated. I'm not too sure where this story is going but I'll play along. And I take it Garret Nickelson is a real person? Ok. Got it.

Prologue : I'm going to be honest. I was confused, a lot. At least for the first part.

This is my favourite line : I am me and he is himself,

I don't understand why you have "take it or leave it" at the end of this line This is the story of how I gave somebody a heart, and put it into their chest while they were looking the other way. Take it or leave it.

Ok, so after reading the a/n, I understand more now. And I think I sort of get it. It's all emotion, and unhealthy love and this need to be with someone who hurts him even though he knows he probably shouldn't. I think. I could be wrong though so pshyeah...

younger : Things start happening. This chapter was a whole lot easier to understand than the first one. Good job with that. Also, your character seems to be developing nicely. Not so emotional and all that. And you're good with writing in a child's voice thing. Good work.

This was a good story. And you're a good writer. Kudos!

I love the story's background!
In the summary, there should be a comma after bitterness.
The prologue is very negative and self-absorbed. It's kind of depressing me, but if that's its purpose, it definitely works.
For the first chapter, instead of adding it in the author's note, maybe there's a way to incorporate the fact that it was the first time they spoke in the actual story?
I like the title. I think it's a great way example of getting hurt again when you were just about to get healed.
Good luck with this story :)

This is beautiful ^_^ You're really good with your descriptions, which is the one thing I've always lacked in all my stories.. Anyways, I loved it <3

OK now that i'm no longer at work i can give you a meaninful review :) so the only real grammatical problem i saw was you commas. my class has spent a fair bit of time on them so i understand now when they should be used. the storyline is amazing though at some parts i wondered what was going on. I myself tend to do this but only because i want my readers to continue reading to learn the story. I assume this is what your doing. You should use your parts (the good days, the other days, etc) as the chapter titles. i'm not sure if i'm just used to reading all manner of atrocious writing (which mind you this is absolutely not atrocious i love it) so i'm used writing being unorganized but i myself had no problem reading and understanding it. i believe this story is excellent the way it is :) i will clarify any questions you may have about any of my comments later :) could u review my NDAM story please and tell me your opinion? Thanks :) i look forward to more of this story :)

First I gotta say
I love your layout.

Now with your story
First I gotta say I loved your prologue
Especially when you broke it up into 3 parts into one chapter
Very unique to say the least.

I noticed in the second chapter
It was kind of a let down, just because I thought there would be more descriptions.
Maybe just expand your thoughts/ideas out, it would have given more.

Overall
I did like the story
I can't wait to see more
Keep up the good work
<3

I really liked the opening line of the prologue. It's very good and I can understand what he means. I really loved the line "I'm just a kid that got attached, not with ropes but with chains.". It's really well written and I can tell you put thoughts into this story. not many people do put thought into it.

As for the letting people down aspect of the chapter, it could be stronger. I think if you put more detail into his thought process and expanded on the idea a little bit more, it would have given a little bit more...of a glimpse into his life, you know?

I noticed that you use passive verbs a lot, and generally that weakens prose. So maybe fix those passive verbs and strengthen you writing? It's good writing, but those passive verbs.

This is the story of how I forgot to trust, and then how I taught myself. Take it or leave it.- This sentence doesn't make sense to me. He's forgetting how to trust and then what? Is he reteaching himself how to trust? Also, the 'take it or leave it' doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it's just my not understanding the phrase with regards to the context, but maybe clarify it a little bit.

^Haha, it's hard not to love Garrett just as an actual person, he's just adorable to write.

Well, I love Garrett so I like it. I loved the "chains and ropes" thing, it was descriptive and I loved it. Lol, John seems to always be the bad guy in these types of stories, but sometime it's not the worst. I love little innocent Garrett though. Great job! (:

In my opinion all the parts to all go together and when reading it I didn't read it separately, I just read the days together. I actually do know this fanbase but I don't read any of it so I'm not all to sure about the characters. I love your description and the reference to chains instead of ropes in the first day of the prologue, it was very interesting!

^I will gladly review one of yours, PrettyIvy, is there any particular story you want me to look at?

I like this. It definitely got me hooked and I'm anxious to read more. On one hand I think each part should be a chapter but on the other hand that would make the chapters shorter. In the end it's your choice but I am looking forward to reading more :)
Tomorrow I will read it better and see if you improve anywhere but as it stands there is nothing that really stood out as a major error.
Review for a review?

^Thanks. More will come soon.

I like this. The introduction was very good and I'd like to read more. Good story.

^Well, if I put the parts into their own chapters, d'ya think should I transfer the names of the parts ('The Good Days' etc) as the new chapter titles?

Yeah I agree with Undefined that you should put each chapter in it's own part. I prefer the second chapter to the first I believe the emotion is stronger especially when he is talking about John being his worst best enemy I like the word choice and i think i relate to this part better. Overall really good story.

^(To Undefined;;) Yeah, I do agree about the parts being a little tricky to read/process. I'm not sure if I want them in separate chapters yet, but I'm going to have another look.

And thanks for enjoying Garrett - I'm pretty attached to him as a character too.

But yeah, thank you very much. I would love it if you did read more when I update! :)

^Ah, thanks. I'm not really sure quite what to do with the parts of the prologue, because they are all rather separate yet they all need to be there. I'll have another look at them all on paper and see if I could make something else that works.

The first thing I noticed was that the first chapter was in part. My suggestion would be to put each part in its own chapter. It would flow and look better this way, but that's my personal opinion.

Part on of this chapter is very raw, and I feel as if I can relate to what Garrett has said. I really feel for him, and I can't help but want Johnny to leave him because he seems as if he is in pain by Johnny just being there.

Part two is, in all honestly, quite beautiful. I love how you have Garrett explain himself and it feels as if I am reading about an actual person and not about someone in a story. I have an attachment to Garrett as a character already, and I think he is one of my favorite characters in a while.

Part three is really very sad, I think. Garrett seems to be in some sort of downward spiral, and I really want to know what has happened to make him this way. Is it John? Is it some sort of past demon he is trying to outrun to no avail? I will be subscribing because I would like to know so much more about him.

All in all you have a very eloquent way with words and I am envious of your writing style. Good job. I can't wait to read more.

Well, I think this stry has strong potential, and go far if you work on little things. I think you should work in your structure and floor more. At points it seemed a hit awkward and stiff. Also for the prologue, instead of having them with divided parts possibly make them have their own space/ chapter? Seeing that the prologue had parts seemed a bit, weird? Just my opinion though. Other then that I think this is good, and you did well.

Good luck!

Ignore me, I've just never commented on a story before and I'm trying to see if this works.