Hidden Pain - Comments

This was a good story! Some of it got confusing at times but I really enjoyed it!

How the hell can he be mad at Isabella for leaving the party when that bitch threw herself at him and he did nothing to stop it?!!?! Asshole!!!!

Comment swap. :)

Your story is good, but there are a few things I’d like to give you advice on. Firstly, the background is kind of distracting. It’s quite bright and the links and text are hard to read. So, choose a less bright background and try to match it with whatever banner you have above. :)

Secondly, your quotes and paragraphs are too bunched. You have someone speaking, but it’s an entire paragraph. That kind of leads you to wonder what their facial expression is while they’re speaking and body language as well. Keep dialogue short, you can always have a long chapter as long as the dialogue is spread out.

Thirdly, the paragraph at the end is really long. You want to separate your paragraphs so that the reader doesn’t kind of feel hesitant to read it. Same thing with your summary; you kind of gave away the story in the summary. Two to three sentences are usually perfect and don’t put questions in it. It makes me feel kind of cheesy because the whole point of reading it is to find out what happened. :)

But, nonetheless, you had pretty good grammar and good sentence structure. Keep going and make sure you space everything out. Good job, babe. :)xx.

comment swap brought me here.

So I haven't read all the chapters just the first three, I feel theres nothing I can critize on since it's finish and it probably wont matter. But I liked the layout- its kind of lame to mention- but I did. Spelling and gramar was fine and neat. Descripitions are simple. I didn't feel like you needed to change anything. Your a good writer and I really liked what I read even though I had no idea whom it was about lol.

comment swap brought me here.

So I haven't read all the chapters just the first three, I feel theres nothing I can critize on since it's finish and it probably wont matter. But I liked the layout- its kind of lame to mention- but I did. Spelling and gramar was fine and neat. Descripitions are simple. I didn't feel like you needed to change anything. Your a good writer and I really liked what I read even though I had no idea whom it was about lol.

Im glad they worked it out and everyone is happy...i'll miss reading this

im glad michelle was mature enough to tell both brian and isobela face to face, and admit she did wrong. cant wait for the last chapter but ill be sad to see it go :(

loved the update

i really hope that michelle isnt having brians child. not only will it make his life easier, it might show the girls that michelle has been full of shit from the start :)

Michelle just really needs to go away

Wow! Awesome update! Can't believe the girls and Val believe everything Michelle is saying! Cam't wait till the bitch gets what she deserves!

i hope the girls realsize the mistakes they are making

loved the update

Oh lord... Drama drama drama...

No Val don't go to the dark side..though i do feel bad for her

what a cunning bitch!! i hope isabella pulls val aside and makes it clear that she doesnt hate her or that is isnt in love with matt. cant wait for more!!

Brian is an ass for everything he has done... Isabella deserves so much better!

loved the update

can we maybe get a POV from val about her thoughts on everything

i think he is going to tell her he cant be with her..... if so i hope she slaps him hard