A Mouse's Tale - Comments

You shouted my name out! How exciting! Oh gosh new chapter was exciting!

You should bring in some more setting though, sometimes I float off into the dialogues. ;)

Nice chapter!

awwww Mouse is so cuteee! keep on writing moreee :)

please write more!!!! awesome story! :)

Found your story. Been reading. Ah.
One suggestion though, make the characters have more personality. Like an arrogant guy who wants the main girls heart needs to have more respect for his station and the rules if he is a knight right?

Well I'm sorry but.... I LOVE IT! :3 It's so awesomely awesome! It's just too awesome for words that actually make any sense what so ever. I mean if I use awesome one more time I'll probably die but there's nothing else to describe it. I love it. I love Mouse. I love Arya. I LOVE IT ALL! >.< Please keep writing. You're really good. :)

I was so excited when I saw your story was updated today ^.^ I was all like "Oh my god! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!" Please continue writing because you have a great talent for it ;)

You have a beautiful way of writing. (: I can only suggest that you make sure your character's motivation is revealed (for example, why doesn't Arya want to go to the ball?) and to enunciate the thoughts in a different way. Instead of 'Sometimes I wish that I was as beautiful as the Queen...' you can put that in italics. Using an apostrophe is confusing and makes me think that she's saying it out loud until I look into it. Also, remember to capitalize after the end of a sentence.For instance, that paragraph should say: 'Sometimes I wish that I was as beautiful as the Queen...' She sighed again, splashing the reflection, distorting her features and making her look "ugly." Great job though, I'm interested to see where you go with everything.

I think it's a very nice story, almost a fairy tale, however there is a few minor grammatical errors such as when you say " all the more easier to dismiss" it's the "more easier" part, it's like saying more faster, it would just be easier, but I like the idea and most of your writing is very good :)

Why is her name mouse? I also don't understand how Arya doesn't want to go to a Suitor's Ball, since other than Mouse saying she didn't want to go, there isn't anything to say she actually doesn't. I'm also not sure about the huge difference between Arya and Mouse. It seems to be a little to obvious to me. The Queen being wonderful and beautiful like she's some majestic fairy, while the servant is just average. I feel like there needs to be a bit more balance, because it's not that believable to me. However, I do have to say that you do have a talent for writing. Your descriptions are good and I like your writing style.

When I first clicked this I was a little disappointed by the lack of layout, but after reading it, I was actually pleasantly surprised! I'm not usually one for medieval type stories, but this is actually really, really good!

You've obviously got a talent for writing, just in a general sense, aha, you're good at it. Especially with character descriptions, I like how you don't go way overboard with them (like some people do, and spend paragraphs describing hair) but they're not boring at all, either. It's a good balance you got there!

The characterization itself was really good too, I like Ayra, she seems really cute and cheerful even for someone as prestigious as a queen, I like how she's not all up in herself or whatever. Especially the way she gets annoyed with Mouse calling her majesty and whatnot, their entire friendship I really like. And Mouse too, she's got insecurities and whatnot like any girl, so I think that's really relatable and I like that! :)

A couple things, one being the blond hair (which, when referring to a boy, should be blond without the e) flowing in the wind- a little bit cliche, and the average ear size thing was just a little like oh, she has average sized ears. Sort of a pointless description, I guess? I like that she has short hair though, I find the protagonist almost always has long hair so it's a nice change!

The naming this is so cute too. It's cool that she has an odd name, but for a reason!

This is really good! :)

If this were a movie, I would definitely watch it. ^_^ The summary seems very interesting. I had only read the first chapter so far but I'm liking this story already. Maybe I'll come back and read more.

Queen Arya seems like a wonderful person and I love the name Mouse. It's just cute and unique. ^_^

I like your characterization. The scene where Mouse was looking at her reflection in the water and she was comparing herself with the other girls. I can totally understand where she's coming from, being in the palace and surrounded by all the other beautiful ladies. And not to mention, her best friend is the beautiful Queen! If it were me, I would feel pretty down myself. XD

Anyway, you're a good writer. Keep writing. ^_^

yay! Huzzah for the updates!

Cool story =D i'd like to hear more, please update