Killing Yourself - Comments

What the fuck is going on with Marian? She slept as Max's? And the morning he touched her? Whoa whoa whoa. :D I didn't like how Max's mood was when he woke up and where the hell is Kyle? I can't wait for the next update. :D

What the fuck is going on with Marian? She slept as Max's? And the morning he touched her? Whoa whoa whoa. :D I didn't like how Max's mood was when he woke up and where the hell is Kyle? I can't wait for the next update. :D

Comment Swap. :)

Anyways, with this being a third part, I honestly was a little lost, but not too horribly nor too badly. You have good character development, but I feel like the plot could go further, but not bad. Double check for grammatical and spelling errors. Not too many, but just enough to start detracting from your story.

I have read chapters one and two, and whilst the story is an eye-catcher it would be most helpful if you checked over the grammar and spelling. Get a Beta to help you. It is quite confusing to read some parts, and you should elaborate more on each scene and the characters. You kind of run into lots of topics at the same time, which would be more understandable if you could explain and describe things betters.

The banner is absolutely gorgeous!

Other than a bit of criticism from my part, I think the story is quite interesting. I wish you luck!

I really like the idea of the story. It's unique just like the style. As others as said. The way the characters are developed is quite nice too.

It's a little hard to follow, but its overall a really good story. I like it a lot. Just be mindful of the length of things and you should be fine.

Great work and ill be waiting for more:)

I think this story has potential. That being said, it needs a great deal of improvement to reach its full potential.

First off, every word of the story title should be capitalized. That's just a general rule. (Also, the banner doesn't match the story title. It uses "u" instead of "you" and "urself" instead of "yourself."

Second, like the commentor before me, your sentences are quite long. They seem to run on for ages, and I got lost trying to comprehend everything was going on.

Other than that, your grammar is superb. The language and descriptions are good, too. This story could seriously do some great things, if you just proofread before you post! Keep up the good work.

The layout is absolutely gorgeous and this looks really interesting. I apologize, as I don't have enough time to read the entire story at the moment. I am here from the Comment Swap... and again, I am really sorry!!

TheRibbonOnMyWrist:

-Comment Swap-
First off, I really like how your banner meshes into the background. I don’t see that a lot. Nice job on the color scheme, too. It’s so hard to find a color that’s readable on black.

My biggest suggestion to you is to vary your sentence lengths. Your first couple of paragraphs are one sentence, and it’s very long-winded. An easy way to pick out run-on sentences is whether or not you have to stop for a breath in the middle of a sentence when you read them out loud. Varying sentence length will also help with the flow.

Also, you’re jumping tenses between chapters. Be mindful of that. Past tense is typical, but present is totally fine—you just need to stick with one or the other.

I can’t say much about your plot or characters because I haven’t read the prequel, but nothing stands out to me as needing fixing.

Nice job and good luck!

Forgive me cause I like this story too, kay bitch? :p

Forgive me cause I like this story too, kay bitch? :p

I don't know it happened but I posted the wrong comment, lol. That comment was for your "Can't win against myself" story. I'm so sorry. As for this story, the triquel... I liked the update and I wanna see what will happen with Kaya's plan. Xd

I don't know it happened but I posted the wrong comment, lol. That comment was for your "Can't win against myself" story. I'm so sorry. As for this story, the triquel... I liked the update and I wanna see what will happen with Kaya's plan. Xd

Damn! I wasn't expecting that kind of end but I loved it overall. The plane crush and Kendra naming her child with her ex-lovers name was fabulous. The epilogue was nicely written and I liked how it was written in a different POV from those four kept writing all the time. All in all, loved it.

Damn! I wasn't expecting that kind of end but I loved it overall. The plane crush and Kendra naming her child with her ex-lovers name was fabulous. The epilogue was nicely written and I liked how it was written in a different POV from those four kept writing all the time. All in all, loved it.

Damn! I wasn't expecting that kind of end but I loved it overall. The plane crush and Kendra naming her child with her ex-lovers name was fabulous. The epilogue was nicely written and I liked how it was written in a different POV from those four kept writing all the time. All in all, loved it.

-Comment Swap-
First off, I really like how your banner meshes into the background. I don’t see that a lot. Nice job on the color scheme, too. It’s so hard to find a color that’s readable on black.

My biggest suggestion to you is to vary your sentence lengths. Your first couple of paragraphs are one sentence, and it’s very long-winded. An easy way to pick out run-on sentences is whether or not you have to stop for a breath in the middle of a sentence when you read them out loud. Varying sentence length will also help with the flow.

Also, you’re jumping tenses between chapters. Be mindful of that. Past tense is typical, but present is totally fine—you just need to stick with one or the other.

I can’t say much about your plot or characters because I haven’t read the prequel, but nothing stands out to me as needing fixing.

Nice job and good luck!

Why'd you stop writing?=\

I can't wait for the next chap. C:

Post soonish,pretty please xd

Genesis's POV got really interesting with the affair going on, can't wait to read what's gonna happen with Genesis and Marian's relationship. And just to let you knot lesbians turn me on. :P

Yea babe. I love how this is written. Xd Your unique writing style is kick-ass. Post soon, yea... Xd