Hello. I'm going to be commenting on only the fifth chapter seeing that I'm a bit pressed for time atm.
I take it that this is a slash? I like it. I mean, I like the fifth chapter. I like how unsure you've painted Ricky out to be about Josh. I like the reality of that. So many slashes I read have the characters so sure of themselves, and of the people they like that I find them a tad too unrealistic to read.
No one is ever that sure of anything, y'know. I like that you're keeping Ricky real by letting him feel and think that way about Josh. But of course, my most favourite bit is where Ricky notices Josh watching him play the guitar. It's totally something you would notice someone do, you know. Like, if some guy liked you; you'd notice him staring at you from across the room - right? It's that detail that adds the realism to this story. I like it.
The balance between emotion, description and recollection works perfectly. You're certainly a very fine writer. :)
I would like to start off by saying your descriptive writing is absolutely incredible! It's very rare for me to be this engaged in a story not because I'm familiar with the fandom, but because the style of writing makes me feel like I'm there, and know the characters. Please update soon. :)
This is my first time reading this and I just wanna say, it's really really good. I don't know the band but reading this makes me already feel like as if I've known them forever. It very detailed and I love it already. Please update. :]
Well, I rather enjoyed the story although I'm not familiar with the band. I must give you props for how much attention you pay to the details. I do love my stories to have lots of frilly descriptions. ^.^ All in all, it seems like a well-rounded, engaging tale. I do hope you continue it!
Comment Swap brought me. You're writing is very good and this story is very well written. Good spelling and grammar, I hate when there is incorrect spelling and grammar. But I think you shouldn't say things like "Fooooooooodddd!!!" and "AND WE ARE HERREEE!" that gets a little distracting, but other than that good job. Update your story very soon! :) Keep writing.
Uhm, comment swap brought me here twice...Sooo... This story is really good so far, and I think it has a lot of potential. You're a good writer and everyone else is right, your attention to detail amazes me. And i will reitterate that the new Mibba is difficult to navigate on my phone. This was awkward, idk why it brought me here twice.
To me this may as well have been an original fiction as I had no ideas who the characters are. \ OuO / I do like your eye for detail, though. You really describe things in detail. I think the only thing I can find that I don't like about this is that you put multiple exclamation marks in speech, such as "AND WE ARE HEERREEE!!!" I don't mean to be picky about this but it bugs the hell out of me and it made the story unpleasant to read, which is unfortunate because your description is so good. I also really like your layout, by the way. In general, good, other people seem to like it so I wish you luck with this one. c:
This story is really well written. Spelling and grammar look correct, and the layout is well done. I will definitely be reading this until the end hopefully, and I look forward to reading more about the characters and setting ect.
I really love your writing, its very detailed but I think there could be a bit more :) As someone said before grammar is not impeccable but its still easy to read and easily fixable if you wish to do so :) Keep it up :)
Josh is adorable.... The way he speaks kills me haha. I really like the banter between everyone in the band, it's entertaining. I'm definitely going to subscribe. Please update soon... Like really soon!
Your attention to detail is amazing, and I admire the way you write it. I also like the dialogue; it was almost immediately amusing. Your grammar does take a dive in some areas, particularly when it comes to breaks in paragraphs during dialogue. Otherwise, well done. :)
This story is really good!! You have an awesome writing style and I love how you've developed your characters!!! I like the layout as well. And as far as new Mibba goes, I guess we'll just have to get used to it. But there are some parts I don't like cause it makes it hard to navigate on my phone and that's mostly how I access Mibba :/
I'm okay with the new Mibba, although it's taking me some time to navigate through it.
But more importantly: Ugh ugh ughhhhhzzzzz! Your Balz is exactly what I wanted mine to be like D: But, alas, I am terrible at expressing emotions in any form...
I adore your style of writing; please help me get inspired since I've pretty much written myself into a wall lol