Puppet - Comments

For starters, your summary is absolutely captivating. It strikes up curiosity in the reader and makes them want to read the first chapter which is something a lot of writers struggle with.

The first chapter. Wow. Absolutely amazing. I felt as though I was in her shoes. I could knew her internal conflict, I could feel her confusion, her desire to rid herself of him, and her desperation to keep him around. Simply amazing. I will certainly be subscribing to this one. Incredible writing.

Sidenote!!! Be careful of certain words and choosing the right ones such as too and to or using whipped instead of wiped. That's the only criticism. I love this storyline though! Anxiously awaiting an update!

You are seriously extraordinary. This piece is simply amazing and I don't even know what to say. I can't help but wonder what exactly did Olivia do to her cousin's eyes, are they missing now or did she simply just cut her? January is creepy as all get out, possessive and jealous, and actually all in Olivia's mind. Again, this was just so very good! I would actually loved to have read more.

Wow this is amazing,it definitely leaves you wanting more that's for sure ... Nice job keep it up :)

This was beautiful.
I was completely transfixed on this girl's trauma. It was written so incredibly well. Seriously bowing down to you for this one. January is definitely a monster. I can't believe the things Olivia has to go through because of him. I like this take on schizophrenia.

Comment swap time! Very creepy but in a good way, I'm gonna reread this. This time with out going
Oh my god oh my god! Your a good writer and you should continue to write good job! nice layout too!

Wow this was highly disturbing but amazing at the same time. You're a fantastic writer! January was so creepy and scary, poor Olivia. Did she poke Ellie's eyes out? And the title is very fitting, which is awesome! Great job

I find sometimes one worded titles are really intriging and have that vacuum effect where it sucks you in. I have to say I was vastly creeped out by January, it gave me chills down my spine. I think this is amazing and you've done a good job. Only recognised one or two very insignificant typos and mistakes. It wouldn't hurt reading over it but it doesn't matter much. I also really liked the layout, it set the mood and I knew it was going to be a eery story. =)

I love your summary, I think it's very good and definitely makes your readers want to continue and click that first chapter link.

You switch tenses a lot and I can't tell if it's on purpose or an accident but either way I'm letting you know. Other than that this creepy story is perfect. God, stabbing her own cousin, how horrific. January is a scary little demon now isn't he?

Comment swap brought me here and I'm really glad it did! Your title immediately drew my attention and got me curious about what your story would be about, but let me just tell you that it is perfect. The darkness in this story gave me this sick feeling in my stomach and I felt so bad for Olivia. I understand her loyalty to January, but at the same time I just wanted to scream at her and tell her to break free. The visuals I got were eerie and this story was absolutely marvelous. I'm definitely recommending this one! Great job!

Comment Swap:

I love the layout soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. so much. <3

I love the first paragraph, it hooks the reader right in.
I adore this.

I love your writing style. I love it. I actually love things like this, it's so messed up but so tempting. I love crazy people. It's so great, you did this justice, for sure.

Same happend to me DX I am soo sorryy

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For some stupid reason, the comment swap sent me back here, I think I didn’t write enough about your book or something, so ignore this, it’s just me crapping on until I read two hundred words, sorry about this. A a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a av v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v

This was brilliant. It was very well written. I love how you describe the taste of the pills. And the memory of what landed her in the place to begin with. What a horror. I take it she's schizophrenic?

I got this from comment swap and I'm glad I did. I'm defintely going to recommend it.

Hey, I'm from comment swap :)

So first of all, not only did the title draw me in when I was first presented with your story, but the layout gave the impression of a mysterious, almost eery story plot, and then I read the description and I thought they were very well matched. I also found January's name to be unique, but he was quite the character!

I had a feeling that this would be a somewhat analytical story describing psychology and the human mind, which have always fascinated and intrigued me, so I think that you did a fantastic job on this story!

Is it weird that I actually want it to be longer? Haha, it would be kind of cool to see just how far over the edge January pushes Olivia, or what kinds of things he makes her do, but I think making it a short story was very fitting. Certainly leaves things up to the imagination!

Exceptional job, and I look forward to reading anything else that you have written, or will be writing in the future.

Love this x3

This is for the comment swap.
=D

When I read the summary page, I saw the name January and I thought that was weird, but unique too. Then I remember I know a person named Thunder, so yeah lol.

Bye the way I like the story title.

After reading the first couple of paragraphs and lines I am actually interested, it kinda made me think of the show Wilfred.

Minimal description, but it doesn't take away from the story at all. It's an interesting story though and probably fairly realistic.

This story defines the power of a person's mind, you did a good job with it. January is a creeper though, you wrote him excellently I think.

=D Good work, very different.

Comment Sawp!
~sorry didnt put this in the frist comment DX~

Exceptional story. I love how in your writing you don't go into great, excessive detail about what Olivia did to land herself in an institute. Obviously we know, but you keep the real circumstances surrounding her incarceration just vague enough to bring the creepiness out and let our imagination fill in the gaps. You also did a great job of showing how January is the exact opposite of Oliva's meek, almost push over personality and how she has almost given up and let January take complete control of her life. Perfect title, as well =)

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

Amazing story,so well writen,just amazing,youa re a greta writer.