The Life of She - Comments

I like the story and the way it is presented from inside her head, especially when she is a child. I do not remember what it was like to be a child, and this gives me a perspective that is at least believable (no idea if it is accurate).

Some suggestions: clean up vague references. Sometimes it is difficult to figure out who is being refereed to (e.g. the fight on the playground). Some bits are a little too vague. I understand that is the point of the perspective, but I think you might go back and tie in where some of the thoughts are going. Some sentences need to be simplified and clarified, especially at the beginning. there is some proof reading still to do (not important but just FYI.

The story structure is great and the style is entertaining.

The perspective makes it difficult to develop any other characters so, it is not likely to be workable as anything but a short story, but it is neat.

This is worth expanding some. However I would focus on the early years more (just my personal opinion, liked that part best). I would suggest you expand it and then edit it back down, or divide it into two parts/stories.

Comment Swap:

The story is so very well put together. Everything flows and it's not confusing at all. Fantastic job with the descriptions also. I hope you continue this story! :)

Comment swap:
The story was very creative. It had a great way of capturing the readers attention and was pure brilliant it was great to read even though I only read chapter one. The flow of your writing is absolutely great, I didn't think it was confusing at all l. I really did enjoy your style of writing. I hope you continue writing like this. Overall awesome story you got.

*Comment Swap*
This was absolutely beautiful. The emotion was pure and raw and I could feel it in every word and chapter. Your flow is absolutely fantastic, I didn't get lost or confused once. I really enjoy your style of writing. Seriously, thank you for this piece of art.

This is really, really good :D I like the title of the story a lot, and I also like every title that you came up with the chapters. It's very creative. Your grammar and the style of writing is extremely professional, it really seems like you can be a legit published writer, it's just so good. Good details and everything. I really do like it though, it's amazing quality. Goooood job :D I've actually subscribed to it, if you decide to keep going it'll be wonderful ! :)

I like your writing a lotttt !!! :D it's so good, keep up the good work ! :)

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I seriously love your style, it's a very flowing and descriptive way of conjuring the words. This story almost seems like a memoir to me in some spot, her version of the truth. All of these memories are so heartfelt, well thought of, and executed brilliantly.

Kudos.

*Comment Swap*
Wow. Just wow. I loved everything from the way you titled the chapters to the writing style to the plot to just everything. It's just amazing. I can't think of something to say that's wrong. Good job!!

I really like this story, I've never ready anything like this before, I'm glad I tried comment swap. I love how this story is third person, but it never sways from the girl. I also love how you brought her mother into the story and how she couldn't wait to see the red car. Over all this is a really great story. Thank you for sharing your writing!

hi! I'm here from comment swap as well <3
I really love how you wrote this story. you put so much detail into each chapter while having it not be too long or complicated. I really admire that because it's something I struggle with. one of my favorite parts of the story was the first few chapters that really show the dynamic relationship between a mother and a daughter and exactly how that helps shape a child's life. so true. good work!

Brought from comment swap~

and, if you will pardon my language: HOLY CRAP, THIS IS AMAZING!!!

sorry, but, I really do like it. The writing is lovely, and it seems like you really did put so much detail into it. I was sucked in from the first chapter, and will definately read the rest. I congratulate (sorry if I spelled that wrong, it's one of my troubling words =P) you on the exceptional quality, and, I thank you for contributing to the literary world, in such an awesome way.

Hello there! I'm here from comment swap and I gotta say I'm really happy I landed on this one. I'm kind of loving this. Your writing is so clean. I myself am a bit guilty of cluttering my writing up a bit. But what you've got here is beautiful because of the fact that it's a bare bones style of writing. If that makes any sense at all. haha You've got something really gorgeous here. I'll probably scurry one and subscribe. Keep it up!! Also, I will agree with the commenter below me and say that I love that readers don't know her name. That is such a great touch. Happy writing!

You can tell with the careful detail and precision of such that you truly took your time with this story. And that's something I hold in high regard in authors - because if you don't care about how your own story is told and ultimately perceived, why should I care to read it? So anyway, there's that and, of course, your style; dreamy, simple yet articulate. A perfect balance of description and narration that most have trouble finding. And the decision to keep her name unrevealed throughout the story - as is fitting with the title - gives the reader an even greater ability to identify with "she". I'm taking my time reading this - debating whether I should just read a chapter a day since there are so many of them lol - but would ultimately like you to know that this is splendidly written. Great Job!

Your style of writing kind of reminds me of Cornelia Funke's (author of INKHEART :P) a little. Your very descriptive and over all I liked it. There where no mistakes that I could see as far as grammar goes, but yeah, good job. I've run out of things to say so... Keep it up and happy writing! :3

Comment Swap

So at first, I wasn't that interested in the story. It didn't really pull me in. However, after I sat down and started to really read it I grew to like it. I like how the title fits in with writing style. It's very clever. i'm not really sure what the purpose of this story is, but it's nice and simple and I like it.

So I found this story through ‘Comment Swap’ although it’s not exactly the type of story I would normally read it is very well written and put together. The background nice and simple but pretty. It looks like a good story keep writing you’re very good at it :)

Your summary is very good and it really draws people in. I like the relation to our lives as you describe in your summary so it feels like you are talking to us. I really enjoyed reading each one. Every title forshadows each writing peice and it holds so much suspense I think I have become addicted. Your writing style to me is amazingly accurate and it makes people feel that they sometimes are the character or feel empathy towards the characters you have created. Exellent. Just Exellent. May I sugest you write a book? I would die if you did.

So I was brought here by comment swap, and I have to say this is honestly the first story I've read that I've become completely engrossed in. Your writing is absolutely beautiful and I love how I can understand the character without knowing any details other than the events, including her name. Each situation is captivating and I want to read more. The layout is also pretty and compliments the story very well. Excellent job, and I will be waiting for more.

Your summary starts everything off really great. Summaries usually don't do good stories justice. I would read over the last couple of paragraphs of chapter 2 because at least one sentence there confused me a little, but otherwise you're doing great keeping in present tense. The slow way you tell the girl's story - with little details that reveal so much about her - is beautiful. It makes it so easy to follow and get lost in.

Your layout is really cute. I've only read 6 chapters, but your writing is really good. It's not really my type of story, but it still made me want to read more and more. I also love the way you end your chapters. c: