Right By Your Side - Comments

Hi, there. I'm commenting from the comment swap. This is my first one, so here it goes.

I like the title. It's simple and hints at the story theme without giving too much away. I am not too crazy about the transparency of your layout, but that's more of a personal thing. It just makes it difficult to read. I really enjoyed the dialogue. It felt wholesome and natural. While reading it, I actually felt like I gained a better understanding of Lennox and Andrew's character. Also, I thought the last two paragraphs were cute when they described each other. (:

So the layout is a bit huge, but it makes it easy to read. I love love that this is bringing me back to my high school days, really glad for that! I didn't see many mistakes, and I just love that this is a drama filled plot, okay? I love these kinds of stories. I'm glad comment swap brought me to this lovely little story. I do hope you update again! Keep up the great work! :D

Please Update Again!!! I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!

yess would love more! it is gettting so interesting, can't wait to see what happens next.

yes you must update! as for the plot make it go how you see it happening and it will be great

more!! i must have more! LOL i like it :)

This is really good, but like the commenter below me said, the dialogue needs a little work and it wouldn't hurt to space things out a little too. It's all bunched together and I don't know. Also, spell checking and grammar checking before posting helps, because sometimes we look over things and we miss tiny errors but errors none the less. The summary was pretty awesome, but the chapters kind of... I don't know, sort of disappoint, a little? I don't know. With a little bit of work, this story could be really great! c:

The story is good, but lacking description; it'd be nice if you described the characters a bit more. The dialog flows quite well, and I like the humour you use, but it's hard to connect with the characters since it's pretty much all dialog and no narration or thoughts. Also, like other people have said, you need to double-space your paragraphs so it's easier to read.

Most of my comments have already been touched upon - but the main thing is the format of your story. As others have mentioned, it would read better/look neater if you double spaced your paragraphs. Where Mibba doesn't grant indents for each new paragraph, putting an extra space between them helps to identify where one stops and another begins.

Also, I love your dialogue, but I would love more description in your narrative (it helps to 'set up' the story in the reader's mind - to visualize). Your summary got me really excited for this story, and I just wish the chapters lived up to the expectation that the summary granted me.

More detailed narrative and a variety of sentence structures would help with that. Try mixing up your sentences, instead of I took a seat in the middle of the classroom and waited for the teacher to begin. I had never been a front row geek or a back row delinquent. I just sort of fell in the middle. where you always start with 'I took', 'I had', 'I just'... try changing it up so it doesn't seem too repetitive.

Overall, I think this story has a lot of potential and you're off to a great start. My biggest tip would be to read it aloud to yourself (or someone else - even a pet) - you'll catch simple mistakes as well as get a feel for how the story reads. Hearing it will make you question whether a sentence sounds okay or whether the story flows smoothly. Keep writing! And good luck. :)

I really liked the summary; it was very informative and gave a nice description of the characters without revealing too much. The layout is also simple but pretty, and easy on the eyes, which is always good.

The first thing I noticed immediately was that the writing was clumped together, it’s hard for a reader to read so if you could break it up that would definitely bring you more reads. I enjoyed reading the dialogue between the characters, Lennox and Andrew in particular, I thought they had good chemistry and just reading it was entertaining to read. You do a great job of being able to get the reader to visualise what is taking place in their heads, but description would be good to really get that imagery. Otherwise, the direction you seem to be going with the story so far is great so keep that up :)

The writing is really good, I've only read the first chapter so far and will probably finish the rest some time on Tuesday when I have more free time. As I said, it is really good. Only thing I have to add is to go back and double space it, it seems a little uh... cluttered? I think that's the word I'm looking for and can be a bit much on the eyes. Looking forward to reading more, keep up to good work. :)

Thanks for mentioning this on my blog, I love how they have to be with each other 24/7

I love the personality of the teacher in the first chapter haha. It's really charming. It kind of sucks that Lennox was so quick to label Andrew as a jock in the beginning though. But that's life. People judge others in just the first 30 seconds of meeting them.

Also, I really like the feeling you set in the first chapter. It really peaked my interest that they had the same classes --I was interested to see how the story progressed. I also loved the way chapter 1 ended. It was incredible and I was tempted to continue on.

Something I also loved was the exercises the teacher came up with. They're amazing and I wish my teachers were like that haha. It's really refreshing. I love the whole concept of pairing up two people together just so they could learn more about each other.

Your writing, the characters you've created, and everything else is flawless. The only critique I have is you should go back and edit your stories so there could be a difference between paragraphs and dialogue. Right now, everything is single spaced and clumped together, and sometimes it gets hard to read.

Also, I read what everyone said and I totally agree. Don't be afraid to go into details. It would definitely make your story 10 times better than it already is.

I'm definitely subscribing because I really like where this story is heading!

Keep up the great writing!!!!!

Never Let Me Go

Wow, your writing is really good! I like where the story is (I think) going so far. I have a sort of soft spot for Andrew haha.

My only comments have already been stated, but I'll just elaborate. The story was certainly good, but it could be even better if you put in more detail. Talk about the scenery or maybe some emotions the character is feeling.

Also, try using some alternative words for said, like uttered or whispered. It makes it a lot easier to imagine the characters in our heads.

Other than that, your story is great! :)

I really liked this and Lennox. Hah. She kinda reminds me of me.
But I just have a few tips. When writing don't be afraid to go into detail about what your character's doing or where they are. In the first chapter it was just 'I did this. I read this. I opened this." It makes your story seem bland and from what I've read so far, it's pretty far from that.
Another tip is see if you can refrain from using the same verbs.
Example 1; “You do a good Elmo.” I laughed.
“Oh.” He sighed.
“Was it supposed to be someone else?” I asked.
“Gollum from the Lord of The Rings.” He laughed.
“Oh.” I laughed.

Example 2; "My room is this way.” I said motioning him to the back.
“Cool room.” He said as we walked in.
“Thanks.” I said. He followed me around while I packed some clothes for a few nights. I grabbed a couple books, my laptop, and purse.
“I’m ready.” I said and held my duffel bag.
“I’ll take it.” He said and grabbed it.
“Thank you.” I said. We drove for about fifteen minutes until we came to a large house.

I'm not saying just because you've used the word 'laugh' or 'said' you can't use it again. Just try not to use it three or four times in a row. Repetition can be a writer's nightmare.
Another tip is spelling. There's not a lot, your write is damn near flawless but, see if you can get yourself a beta reader. Or if you can't do that, after you've done your intial writing. Go over it and read it out aloud. Any mistakes will stick out like a sore thumb.
Be sure not to get "then" and "than" mixed up too.
And one more thing is that the character's name Eric changed to Erin. I don't know which is the correct one, but I thought you should know.
Phew. That's a huge comment, huh? I hope you don't mind, hah.
Anyway, long comment short. This is a really good story. It does need a few fixes, but what great story doesn't? Keep up the great work! (:
One Love,
Keeta.

Would it be incredibly cliche if I said that I can totally to Lennox? I love it. Subscribed :)

This is really good keep writing! ;)

I love It!!! Keep it up && I did Subscribe!!! :)