Ambitious Wishes - Comments

I really like the layout, and the character does interest me. The plot also, is intriguing. However, I did see some grammatical errors, such as in Chapter 1, you put "seen" instead of "saw". Also, I felt that the character started off talking about herself too much. Feel free to let some of the characters traits come out naturally. The reader will figure it out from her actions, rather than her just straight out telling us she is a certain way. Like, if she doesn't like to lie, we will divulge that from her as we get to know her in the story. Otherwise, you've definitely got a good idea.

I think you've got something going here. Love the layout.

I just noticed a few issues with grammar, or wording. Your first sentence seems a little too wordy. Maybe something more like, "It felt like I had been up for five fucking days, but it was only third period." Or something like that.
I also saw that you put periods within quotation marks, when you need comas.

For instance: "No," I answered honestly. < as opposed to > "No." I answered honestly.

But your tone is great. It definitely reflects the personality of the narrator. Keep writing!

I liked your summary. It was very intriguing. But as I got into reading the story, the changing point of views got confusing. I suppose it was easy enough to follow after a while, but still confusing to begin with which was a turn-off. Otherwise, the story is very original and very lovely.

Hey me again lol, Another great layout! I really, really like this. The chapters have me just a tad bit confused at first with the switching of different character's POV without warning but after I keep reading I get the point.

I thought your first chapter was a wonderful one and the story is quite original. Not like all the other stories on here about boy meets girl lol. This has life and you really show who the characters are, making them easy to know which is important. Good job! keep it up :)

First of all, beautiful layout and intriguing summary :)
The narrative voices are stunning, although brutal, from the get-go. The cursing's refreshing and is really effective developing Maria and I think Jay's quite funny in a sort of dark way?
I agree with the comments below as well; the Spanish is great, and the changing, yet consistent tenses.
I think it' d be better to avoid linking to clothes and stuff though. I'm one of those people who are often too lazy to click them for one, and two you should be able to describe these things in your writing, if it's really necessary, like when Jay describes Maria when they arrive for dinner. But the intensity and chemistry between your two leads is fantastic. I can tell it's going to be quite messy, in the best possible way. I'm definitely going to recommend this :) It's seriously great.

I really like it so far I am only at chapter 3 but I am really sucked in and I love the characters. I love how some of the chapters are in present tense and I understand why you wouldn't always use it, it is a hard concept. I must say that you have skill with it. I can't wait to read more of it! The story idea is no less than fantastic.

I like how you've integrated spanish into the story. It's fun trying to translate it without looking at the translation on the bottom. :)

DAMN... this story is so intense! it's really cool though, keep it up!