Young Love - Comments

So I clicked onto this story, and the first thing I said was "Oh....sweet layout!"
And then I read the summary...WOW, this is a great new idea! I think I was waiting for something like this!! I can't wait to dig into this story! The deal with magic and the consequences and such is really intriguing! =D This summary had the hooks, and I am oh sooo curious to know what's going to happen...

I read the first two chapter. I do like how this story started. You gave the readers background on the main character without actually giving a technical biography. It's interesting to see that it's not a typical setting for a high school student. I love that I already know her passion, strong points and weakness. She's relate-able and that is soo important to readers.

So far this is an super awesome start to what looks like a GREAT story! I can't wait to read more!!

First of all, the summary is excellent. It had me hooked with all the talk of taboo love and magic potions. The idea of a magic potion with the power to change a person is obviously something that's been done before, but your story seems like a fresh take on the whole thing, which is exciting :)

I love that you're actually taking time to build the characters and the setting. It helps to build a picture in my mind and form a connection with the characters.
Calissta really is really hyper. But not the super annoying type I hate reading about, it actually make her quite endearing :)

super start! :D

This is starting to be a really good set up here and I'm liking what I'm reading. Keep it up! *suscribes.*

I love Calissta :) And the summar really had me hooked. The chapters dragged on a bit, but overall the story is amazing:

The layout

Description

Plot

Characters

The way it flows

Everything is very original(:

This story makes me really excited. I was really pleasantly surprised when I read it; even in the summary, this is refreshingly different and original and intriguing. I love the concept and, so far, you've been executing it beautifully. Nice pacing, nice introductions, nice wording. I really enjoy this, and I'm subscribing. :D

My comment got cut off. >.<

Any who. I'm shocked that she would willingly die to be able to make said person fall for her. If you were basing this off The Little Mermaid which I feel like you are, you've definitely given it a darker twist. I love how Ariel took the potion to become human not JUST to make the guy fall for her. But I find it odd that she has to become a certain age just to make this person fall for her. Why can't she be eighteen and make him fall for her? That's what's weird to me. But otherwise I like it.

This is a super interesting plot line and it totally reminds me of The Little Mermaid. Just mainly because of the catch in the plot and the fact that it's all to make this one person fall in love with her. I like the twist in it and I like the way it's written. Definitely an interesting story. :)

:O i think this is going to be a very original story!! :) i like the idea of it; though i'm not to sure someone would be willing to die for a guy she's not with :O but whatever, that's not the point!! the point is your writing is very good, simple and straight to the point and i think this will be good, let me know when you have the first chapter up :D

p.s. answering your question about my story pure beauty, is half based on my mother's death.. i used to see it as something so devastating (sometimes i still do) but then i remember the good times and smile :)

First off, just the tiniest word on the layout: It's lovely, but if the image will "follow" the text when there are chapters I think it's a bit too big.

As for the content of the summary: It's really great, it has a pretty nifty concept that seems pretty unique. One thing that bothers me though is the fact that 18 and 36 aren't THAT far apart. I mean, I get why it'd feel like she couldn't have him, but whould the age difference really make her desperate enough to be willing to risk death? When I was 21 I had a relationship with a man that was 40. It obviously didn't work out in the end, but that had more to do with him than his age, and I really wouldn't have risked death to be with him. Other than that the story seems great, though.

A few things: "eighteen" should also be written with numbers and not letters.
I never felt that way about a man before would sound better as "I had never felt..."
Some of the sentence structuring is a little awkward and disrupts the flow. Maybe you could try just reading it out loud a few times and see if you can re-word something or divide the sentences differently?

At least that's my opinion. :)

Good job though!

I love this. The layout is so original. The story sounds so very intriguing. I want to read more.