Rainy Days - Comments

Oh my gosh, your way with language is beautiful. The allusions, the metaphors, the way you (almost) always brought the reader back to understanding in what setting we were - it's very very well done. Honestly, good job. Very descriptive and you mentioned in the end that this was your venture into prose writing. There's a heavy debate, age-old, between writing poetry and prose. I think the intense descriptions, the stunning imagery you used, made this piece lean a bit towards poetry for me but that is not a bad thing at all. You are a masterful writer and it was an enjoyable read. Definitely on my recommend list.

One of my favorite things about this was the comparison to established authors because it added and amplified to the nature of the story. This is extremely well-written in terms of grammatical context, however I was a little confused towards the ending because it felt heavily 'fluffed up'. The story wears many many details, which is not bad in itself, but a little refreshing choice of words- varying up some adjectives would have been nice.

Other than that, I love the atmosphere you established for this!

Hi there, I'm here for comment swap. :) I hope my comment is helpful!

The one thing that struck me about this piece is that it is very heavy with description. Some of the individual lines in this piece are very well constructed. However, at some times the description gets a bit purple-prosey and bog down the narration. When I read the piece, I wasn't sure what the main thing at stake was because it had been dulled by some cliche and description. What helps me is going through some metaphor and asking myself, has this been said before? Can this be restated in a different way that is fresh and original? Or even: can I delete this part and have the narration still make sense? It's a tough balance sometimes, but with some practice it can get easier. I hope this helps! You have a lot of good vocabulary under your belt.

comment swap

oh, this is so beautiful. your writing style is wondrous and i really...don't know what to critique you on because i didn't find anything out of the place, rather, i found everything one hundred percent eccentric.

Under her sweater she feels the scars of her childhood burning in white-hot memory. Today is not a good day, even if it certainly isn’t a bad one

one of my favorite lines in the whole one-shot. just the raw emotion, your way of describing and detailing things is so on point and perfect, i couldn't pull my eyes away.

Comment Swap brought me here, and I have to say that I'm glad that it did.
This is just written so beautifully and wow, just astonishing. You're writing style is so beautiful, it makes me want to cry because why can't I write like that. The emotions are showcased perfectly, and the sentence structure makes it sound so sophisticated and the details are meshed beautifully with everything else.
So, this piece was such a great read, and I think I'm going to go read the sequel now, and just, wow.

Comment swap brought me to this lovely story. The layout is amazing. Your writing is detailed. It appears to flow rather nicely. I love how the emotions are betrayed. This is really well written. Seriously, I’m jealous! Good job! Keep up the good work!

Comment swap brought me here. I really, really adore your writing style. The way you word your sentences is fantastic and really adds a lot of voice to the piece. I felt the emotions the character was feeling because it felt so real to me. Overall, this was a marvelous piece. Great job!

Comment swap brought me here. This was very good and detailed. A very high reading level. How you write is really astonishing and beautiful. And wow, don't even get me started on your theme. It really matches the story, and its just so pretty! :) I absolutely love this whole thing overall. Keep Writing Babe xx

I like how the summary already told me what it was about. I really like your writing style, you have a way of making words flow together. I also like the emotions and thought put into every sentence. It made me feel very connected to the characters. Keep up the good work!

I absolutely LOVE your writing style. Your description is a perfect blend of emotion and realness. You don't get too caught up in one or the other. They mesh together in a way that draws readers like me in. It made me feel the things that she felt.

It was like you took a simple situation and escalated it. But it was still so believable. Horrible things really can haunt a person, unaffected by what they're experiencing oustide.

I probably sound like I'm gushing too much, but this was just beautiful.

Your style of writing is so unique. You have a really distinct vocabulary, and I enjoyed reading this thoroughly. It's so pinpointed that I can place myself into the situation in full immersion without a second thought. Great job.

This is really sweet. You have such a way with words. It seems to just be a single thought, a moment in time, that you have elaborated on and turned into something perfectly lovely. The layout is a teeny bit hard to read, like the dark-on-dark, but other than that it's fabulous. I love it. <3

this is gorgeous. it really is. it's short, sweet, and sincere. it is full of charm and character in its own right. there's nice use of rhetoric, and other writing goodies like that, so it just works really nicely. there are a few moments throughout where i think you've used punctuation a little wrong, but that's just a proof reading thing. i love it. <3

Beautiful. Perfect. Change nothing of the story.
The only thing I could possibly criticize is the font size. I copied the story and pasted it into word so I could make it bigger/readable.
This is a short story I would be happy to read in a book. In fact, I would buy a book of your short stories in an instant, simply based on your writing in this.
Thank you for posting your work where others can enjoy it.

Like LilBiskette said it can't get more detailed. This is just fantastic. You are such a talented writer. Your descriptions blew me out of the water. The writing style was beautiful. On a side note, maybe a different layout because it's all bunch together and small.

Oh my goodness the way you describe things is unbeleivable. You couldn't get any more detailed! An amazing writer you are. "His sound is honey-sweet in her ear but she can’t figure out why this verbal nourishment isn’t enough for her today." That one sentance got me. To give you a suggestion try making the writing bigger and more spaced out. Also don't make the background too dark. It's ok if you make a space between each paragraph because with your writing, anyone would want to keep reading your writing so don't be afraid to break some things up. Also watch your grammer like the "loveme" thing needs to be fixed. Other than that your writing is amazing. I suggest you write a book (I've been suggesting that to everyone I commment on) but still I would love to read your further peices.