Messy Ending - Comments

Loved the update :)
so happy they kissed!

I am here from comment swap and I am fucking happy it set me up with this. I used to have an obsession with Asking Alexandria, granted I still do and my friend I am in love with your story. It just might be the inner fangirl talking, but I love it. I am subscribed, can't wait for more

I only read the first two chapters, but I think you have a great story idea here. I like that you do half of the chapter in Dai's point of view, and then switch to Ben. I like getting the two perspectives. I also like how you write. Even though I'm not familiar with the fandom, I didn't feel bored while reading and you pulled me in easily. I wish you luck on this story; I hope it goes well!

They kissed again!!!! I'm so glad for that!!!!

hooray for tham kissing :D this is great, please update soon?

Really Good! keep it up!

Comment swap brought me here,You do a good job at having dialogue without making it just talking because you add detail

Hey I'm here because of Comment Swap I'm glad it sent me to your story! I think this is a really neat idea for a story, I really do hope you keep this up, I think it's a really good story so far! Well done!

I don't your layout it;s kind of...messy and your summary would look better laid to the center, rather than to the left. Especially the italics.

It's unnecessary to put 'Chapter 1: “What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?” -Ben and Dai and if you were to do so, it's best to put it in bold, and again center it. Layout is a key factor in writing and you'll often be assessed on it as well as quality.

It stood, imposing, over us as Ben dragged me into it. This is grammatically incorrect, while it may seem correct, imposing does not need a comma either side. A hyphen would be better suited, or simply 'it stood imposingly over us'. This sentence also doesn't flow very nicely with the sentence beforehand. You'll want a smooth start, something like: 'Loud music pulsated from the nearby venue, flooding my ears as I entered the bus, Ben dragging me by the hand into it's depths.' etc. etc. A better start, more people will be urged to read on.

clothes I’d been wearing. Ben’s clothes again, on this part you need to connect the sentences and let them flow.

but I didn’t go hooking up with random band dudes. You use 'but' less than a few words earlier; get some variety in there. Besides, 'but' does not make sense in that context, as you try to connect it up to the beginning of the sentence while the sentence is simply too long to allow that.

I've noticed you seem to connect a lot of 'but 'to the end of a perfectly reasonable sentence to bring up an unconnected point. I highly suggest you review what you've written and correct these grammatical errors among with others I've pointed out.

There's a slight disconnection to reality in this, but I suppose you can't be blamed for now knowing exactly how tour life goes, or indeed being able to write an accurate track of thoughts. You need to work on your layout - longer paragraphs, less halting sentences as well as changing your Mibba layout. Personally, I would have not read it if I had not been on comment swap as the layout is extremely childish and not at all matching with the theme.

I think these grammatical errors are holding back your potential. You have a lot of it, potential that is, and if you iron out these mistakes I can guarantee a marked improvement in your writing. Keep writing and feel free to ask me about anything I've said <3

So glad she's giving him a chance!!! So cute.

Loved the update!

Comment swap sent me here. I really like this idea and Asking Alexandria is awesome, so I kept reading. Your spacing in the first chapter is kinda wacky but I could still understand it and your flow is exceptional. Keep up the good work!

Comment swap!
This is a really great story! Asking Alexandria is awesome and they are hilarious. This actually reminds me a lot of my first Hollywood Undead fanfic, EXPOSURES. I like how you switch perspectives. Keep up the great work!

so i´m back and read all the chapter I´ve missend! The really good :) And I can´t wait for the next =) I really want to know what will happens between ben and dai <3

This story is amazing!

I really like the idea for the story and I looking forward to reading the rest of this story.

four: great descriptions and relatablity once again. I wonder if Sammi will get that job or not? Wondering what will happen when the guys walk through the diner door? Going to go read it right now.

three: okay first off, I love her outfit. It is so cute and now I want that atl shirt, but seeing as how cute it is it's probably out-of-stock. Anyways, loved the girl-bonding moment you wrote out as well as the descriptions about what's going on with the guys. Onto the next chapter I go.

two: I love this chapter as well. The descriptions and character relatable is shown amazingly in this one as well. I like the jokeness as well as the business dai and steph had in the first part of the chapter. Can't wait to go ahead and read the next chapter.

So first things first: this will probably be my ultimate favorite asking Alexandria story on here for quite some time. The characters are relatable and enjoyable. The descriptions are dang near perfect and draws the reader in even more. The only problem is that the color for the chapter links contrasts way too much with the green background, so maybe test out a dark shade of purple maybe. I will most extremely commenting the life out of this awesomely enjoyable story; as well as recommending it and subscribing too.