May 17th, 2017 at 01:28pm
Forbidden - Comments
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I.am.in.love. the end.March 4th, 2013 at 10:14pm
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Omg update! I need to know what happens with Louis!February 17th, 2013 at 08:04pm
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AHHHH HE NEEDS TO KNOW!!!! but i'm so happy they found the guy!! :) Please update again soon!February 17th, 2013 at 05:06pm
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Loveeee this story, please update!February 12th, 2013 at 02:34am
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ooh this chapter was juicy! glad louis got jealous thouugh! update soon.. hope she tells him soon tooJanuary 29th, 2013 at 10:07pm
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This story is wonderful and beautiful and heartbreaking and ugh I could go on forever. Anyway, I think she should tell them, I don't know why but I kind of feel like it's something they should know. Anyway, you're an amazing writer, and I can't wait for the next chapter!January 6th, 2013 at 09:04pm
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@ llamaXcore
That is so sweet! Thank you, the next chapter should be out soon :)December 28th, 2012 at 02:54pm -
This story is beyond amazing. Like, I'm actually obsessed. :)December 28th, 2012 at 03:38am
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please updateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeDecember 19th, 2012 at 10:04pm
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I'd posted my comment before but for some reasons it says I didn't so I'm gonna try this again.
I'd noticed something that I hadn't the first time I read this.
He'd said all along that James wasn't right for me.
That's the quote I took from the first few paragraphs.
He'd always said Jason would only break my heart.
And that's what I read somewhere in the middle of the chapter. So now it got me wondering. Was she still talking about the same guy who broke her heart? Is James and Jason the same person and you somehow mixed up the name? Maybe you should check on that.
Also, I noticed a few missing punctuation here and there. A little read through may help.July 19th, 2012 at 05:15am -
D: left me wanting wayyyyy more.June 16th, 2012 at 07:00am
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WHAT! i love the drama. love love love itJune 14th, 2012 at 12:19am
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OH MY GOD.
That is NOT just happen. I thought they'd be all. "OH I LOVE YOU"
"OH LOUIS I LOVE YOU TOO"
Then.... SEX SEX SEXY TIME.
But nooooo, he walks away like a butthole. -______-
Good chapter, dear. :DJune 13th, 2012 at 08:06pm -
This is so good, so far.
A story layout might attract readers more, though.
And your dialogue is a bit off. When you write it, make sure each conversation is spaced;
"I just don't know what to do with her. She refuses to eat, she won't even leave her room." my Mum was saying to the blonde woman.
"It's something every teenager goes through at some point, it's her first serious break up. And she still won't tell you what he did?" she asked as my mum shook her head worriedly.June 12th, 2012 at 12:20am -
so funny. her and niall.... i just about died laughing....June 11th, 2012 at 07:36pm
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I'm not a fan of One Direction and I don't know any of the boys, so I kinda find it hard for me to get myself immersed in the story.
Your summary is good although I do find the first two paragraphs to be too long and a little boring.
Overall, your writing is good and there are barely any errors. Your characterization and interesting. I definitely adore the way you start the story, getting the reader into Amelia's head.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." the pathetic voice rang in Amelia's head, twisting itself and triggering a churning feeling in her stomach. She thought about running to the loo, but knew it would do no good. There was simply nothing left for her to throw up, no matter how disgusted she was, she hadn't eaten in days.
I sat with my legs crossed on the unmade bed in my dark bedroom. Had I not been feeling so distraught, so shocked, I might have been inclined to clear a path from the door to the bed, or at least put the blinds up. Truthfully, the thought of moving alone was enough to exhaust me, and no matter what my mum said, I didn't want to go and see my friends, nor did I think that going out would be good for me.
If you notice, the story started out in first person point of view, but somewhere in the middle it turned into a third person point of view. Maybe you should check on that. Also, when you start new paragraph, it's better if you double space so it will be a lot easier to read.June 11th, 2012 at 10:51am -
Wow. I stumbled upon this looking for one of my friend's stories, and this definitely caught my attention, and held it here! The emotions are strong, and the detail is great - both of those are extremely important to me. Awaiting the next chapter :)June 8th, 2012 at 09:17pm
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Your story is fantastically written, and I love you writing style, it’s very gripping and the plot line is original, good grammar and no mistakes from what I can see. I'm not much of a one direction fan but your story had me really interested, Can’t wait to read more of the stuff you write.June 6th, 2012 at 10:10pm
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Love it <33 Cant wait for the next chapterrJune 4th, 2012 at 01:57am
First of all, no offence, I hate this types of stories so hopefully that won't cloud my judgement. The layout is really plain and could do with just a bit more. When I read the summary, I thought it was a bit too long but it did draw me in until I saw the end. A few punctuation and spelling mistakes but hey, we're all victims of that. Other than that, your writing is actually quite beautiful and if it was a different type of fic I would definitely give it a good read.