Innocence - Comments

I think you have a good concept for this story and it has the potential to be really good. I think you could go about describing things a little better. Instead of saying she is 5'2" maybe describe how she is so short she can't reach the top of her locker. When you're writing a good rule of them is: "Show don't tell" It will make your story and writing a lot more interesting. I hope this advice helps!

I think you've done really well with your indirect characterization and introducing the reader to the main character. The only thing I have to suggest is that you're a little more creative in terms of the way you describe things.

Hi! I think you're a really good storyteller, and the narrator has a lot of likable traits and that's a definite must for any story. The only real advice I have for you here is that when you're writing your dialogue, say it out loud, with every possible inflection, and maybe run it by a focus group of readers. Its seems slightly stiff. Also, there were minimal grammatical errors. Great work, very thought provoking.