You Looked So Good In Blue - Comments

This was short, I was almost disappointed until I remembered the huge text "Prologue" Your word choice and the way you set the tone for the story, The character has a creep view of beauty but I liked it.. I'm going to subscribe to this one.

Wow. The description was amazing. I could see everything they way it was described so vividly. The Woman, who i assumed has died, truly stayed imprinted in my mind long after I finished reading. I literally stared at the screen for a good two minutes trying to soak all that in. It was almost poetic.

The imagery you created through the thought process of the onlooker is absolutely stunningly good. Not only did you avoid annoying cliches, but you also made each detail flow into the next so it was never awkward at all. Your grammar is quite good, which is refreshing and makes it easy to read. That was an amazing prologue, and I can't wait to seen where you take this story. I only wish you added a true description the the lyrics you had there.

I absolutely LOVE this! Its so twisted and dark..just..the way you describe things..just..wow..I'm truly amazed. You have a talent here. I normally don't subscribe or recommend stories I happen to come across through comment swap but..I'm making an exception for your story!:) The layout is beautiful, and so far fits the story wonderfully. I only noticed one teeny-tinny mistake though, in the summery it says "goo" when I think its meant to say "good". Fantastic story! I CANNOT wait to read more!:)

I'll start off with the layout. Although I'm not a fan of the grey border or grey title, I do appreciate a layout that goes with the story. I find that to be very appealing and it shows the reader that you put extra effort.

I noticed someone mentioning your Prologue being boring. Sweetie, do not even pay attention. I am known for being very rough with my comments. I am blunt, honest, and to the point. Your story wasn't boring. In fact, it kept me quite interested throughout the end. You mentioned it started out as a drabble and I can see that for sure in your story. The beginning has to be snappy and has to catch the reader's attention. Your prologue did it's job.

The only thing I do have a problem with is that your second and third paragraph aren't spaced out. That's my only issue. Either than that, your grammar is good, your plot is stable, and your detail is lovely. Good job!

Oh.My.God. I can't wait to read more, it is so beautifully written, and I love the simplicity of the layout. I can see the image so vividly in my head, it was utterly amazing, defiantly going to subscribe, I can't wait to see where this goes, please update soon!!

I love the FOB lyrics being in this. When I finished reading I immediately had to go listen to them lol. I thought the use of metaphors and phrasing was beautiful. "Some perfect silverware left out in the rain to rust." I love that line. You're writing style is just dreamy and I don't think its rough at all. Commeet Swap sent me here so I didnt know what to expect but I definitely love this. I cant see any room for improvement honestly and Im deffy reccing you. You got mad talent. Greeeaattt job! :D xoxox Ellieee

I have to disagree with the last two comments. While they may be lost in how you are writing, I understand what the word "Prologue" means. You'll see this type of opening used in books all the time, something I guess they haven't seen before. I believe that this is a very fitting hook. And the reader, if interested in gore and the like, will definitely subscribe and wait for more.

I liked how your summary of the story was a poem, though you forgot the d in the first "Good". That and your first chapter reminds me of a poem I read in school about a man and his lover, which he ended up strangling with her own hair so they could be together forever. Or something like that.

All in all, very good job!

I loved the poem in your summery however, I think you should possibly look back at the drawing board. I'm not saying that what you've got here is bad 'cause it's not. I just think you should add a little more to it and think about where it's gonna go and make sure the reader understands. All I'm getting right now is that theirs a girl dead and a guy staring at her body. Just embellish it a little and you could have a good story here. Keep writing! :3

You did a good job with the description in the prologue, but it was very boring. I think you need something to entice your reader more, because I have no idea what this story is about. There is nothing in the prologue that makes me want to keep reading the story or check back to see if you've written more. I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you need to write something that will tell a little about what the story is about, because right now I have no clue.

firstly i'd like to tell you how much i love poems as summeries. It's something i've always loved. I really love your choose of words and wording. There a few bits that i didn't there where worded right but over i loved it. I really like the detail that you put it. ~Subscribed

Oh my gosh, I am in love with the detail you put into this chapter. I was almost memorized and, ah, I cannot, it was so lovely. I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense.
The description was haunting, but lovely in a bittersweet kind of way. It was perfect. I'm very interested where this is going, so I think I shall subscribe.

Please keep up the good work!

I love how you have set up this kind of mystery. You ask yourself how did she die? ect. The description of her is amazing and I can clearly picture it in my mind. Im glad comment swap brought me here cause I'm now subscribing :) Well done on writing an amazing Prologue

I love this so far! I loved the summary mainly because FOB is one of my favorite bands (to be honest, I cried when I found out that Pete and Ashlee got married ). As far as the story itself, I became extremely interested in it from the moment my brain processed the first word. The story immediately starts off as a dark, synical, and completely twisted tale of murder and amazement at the same time. I'm lost in it. Recommended and subscribed! -A

Okay, the summary definitely was a major plus, probably because Fall Out Boy is one of my favorite bands of all time. That aside, I loved it! it was very intense and I definitely felt the moment! You imagery was really nice and it definitely painted quite the picture!

This is really intriguing! You do a great job of drawing the reader in, and keeping an air of mystery. I love the description. The idea of the first-person viewer wanting to stay and absorb everything about her is awesome. Great job!! :)

YAY, some murder and blood! I’m really excited to see where you take this story and I am definitely subscribing. The whole mystery of this girl in the navy dress has left me longing for more. Definitely keep writing, you are doing brilliantly so far! ^_^