The Fisherman - Comments

Beyond awesome!

An old man on the seas with a mermaid that can magically grant wishes. An island that flourishes with life springing from death as plants do over a grave. Amazing descriptive power in describing the child, the seas, the slim bits of Lanna, the fragility of human life.

That the story line can be taken as an allegory for human life is as mazing as the telling of the story. The originality of the idea compares well with the best short stories ever? I think so! At this point, I have no idea of your real name or even your username, I didn’t see it or don’t remember it. Yet there is a moniker for you. Author. If you had doubts about your writing or your respectability, forget them. These 2,800 words speak huge. This story on which I’ll make a few comments of criticism should not be criticized. It seems sacrilege to do so. Yet a tiny improvement in perfection is more necessary than awe, so even greater awe will be commanded.

Reluctantly I list 3 items as follows:

At some point you mentioned Sunlight in golden hair, yet this was on a gray day. Perhaps I misread or didn’t quite follow?

“In the seat across from him” contradicts the size of the row boat offered earlier?

And possibly a big one? Or not. I pretty much inferred the motivation of the fisherman to desire a child. Seems normal and no need to go further than what you have? I wondered about this, yet I think you have it right.

All-in-all, this story is one of the few where after reading, I go outside to the back of my apartment and sit in the lovely little bit of woods there and I look to where the rivers come together and think about the work. You have given me a fabulous moment of a glimpse of true beauty. Thank you! Now I'll look for your name.

This is for the 'story-swap-comment' I got! :D

I really liked your descriptions and used of imagery, which made it easier for me, as a reader, so imagine everything as I read it.

I really felt for him; I can't imagine the agony he must've gone through in order to let the little baby go. His emotions really touched me.

“Then I want you to erase my memories of her. Take it away so I don't...so I can't miss her.” - such sorrow and pain. I don't blame him for asking the mystical creature/woman to take away his memories of his daughter. But then again, the lady was right that it wouldn't be a sign of respect towards his child. So true. He does need to face this, after all, he was the one who made the decision of one day giving her away anyway, he knew.

“Hold her,” she said quietly. - This moment made my heart-ache. I could imagine the little baby being put into his arms. What a sad moment that must be for him? His very own daughter, being given only for a short while until she crumbed into nothingness.

I liked the way you described the sand being transformed into grass.

"You can keep her with you always, to remember." - I don't even know how to word my emotions right now.

'He had one moment to catch the sight of a long, glistening tail fin sink into the water with a splash before Lanna was gone.' - Oh, I wished you'd added more detail as to how exactly the woman, Lanna, looked like! :O She has a fin. So does that mean she's a mermaid?

Anyway. *Deep Breath* OK. Alright-y. Oh, my days, this is probably one of the most well written, original and flippin' - see what I did there? ;) - emotional piece of writing ever.

I honestly have nothing negative to say about this. I just really, really liked it. I'm glad he found peace in the end. You really know how to keep your readers intrigued!

I enjoyed the slow build up of the story, the use of character and scenery detail to increase the suspense of the full subject of the story was well handled. It also meant that at the end of the story I knew a lot about the character, whilst not being bombarded with too much information at once.
The closest thing to critique is that I found the change from the storm to the island to be a little bit quick, but that might just be a personal style thing in that I'd have perhaps used a short sentence to separate the two extremes of situation.
In all it was a well put together, well edited piece.

This was a beautifully written story. Your attention to detail, and also your great use of characterisation, especially in the first part of the story, really helped me to connect with the fisherman through the rest of the story. As a reader I truly felt like I was there.

I enjoy your easy to digest structure, with paragraphs that are not overbearing and allowed me to really take in everything was saying. Overall, there is really nothing I could critique you on... Literally, the use of the word 'smallish' to describe the silk bundle is the only error I could find within the story, and we all make grammar mistakes sometimes :)

Thank you for bringing me to such a stunning story.

•Comment Swap•
Wow. That's all I can really say. This is just beautiful. The way you write and describe is just so beautiful, poetic, and vivid. I feel like im there with him. It's so well written with a lot of meaning. Well done! It's been awhile since I've read this good of a story.

In the beginning I thought that this story would be something like Ernest Hemingway Old Man and the Sea, so I cursed in my head, because it was not my favourite tale. But I continued to explore this story and I am happy that I did.

It is indeed well – written and descriptive, like many others have said, but what really made me happy was the thought behind this story. The prompt was beautiful but the plot is even more breath-taking. It‘s original, symbolic emotional and poetic. It captures your attention till the very end, which is absolutely perfect.

Thank you

This is really good. The way you described it made it so easy to picture, like we were there, actually watching him, even feeling his aches and pains. At the beginning, when you described his disliking for his body state it was so easy to relate to, even though I have no similar experience. The actual publishing was flawless as well, it was overdone. This is excellent work.

This is possibly one of most well-written stories I've read on Mibba thus far. I, in al honesty, have no advice to give. Your descriptions where vivid and life-like, which really drew me in. (Also, I love the layout. It's very peaceful to look at.)

Keep up the GREAT work;
-Joe

For starters, I love your layout. The background picture is nice and doesn't distract you. The only downside is that, on my computer's high brightness, the words are slightly hard to read because of the transparency. I find I'm having to strain my eyes to read it properly.

The way you reveal details of the fisherman's appearance is spectacular. You do give away most of the details in the second paragraph, but you hide the details under his old age. Nicely done there. It's a great change compared to some people who give everything away at once without even trying to make it flow well.

The way you pay attention to details without making the story's pace too slow is a wonderful technique. You use such a variety of vocabulary and vary your sentence length constantly. It's really amazing.

I do think, however, that the way you describe the child in the silk is a bit cliche. I've read many things about people who are out at sea and have a baby wrapped in a bundle, trying to hide what's contained in the bundle and failing. Or, perhaps I haven't, and the scene just seems familiar. Either way, it doesn't take away from the story too much.

I love the way the woman in the water speaks. You can really tell how excellent you are at making the dialogue between characters vary depending on their background. The woman seems so majestic, yet perhaps a bit cold hearted when she takes the child away. Her turning Cissy into the sand once again and beautifying the island only adds to her grace that much more, though.

It's amazing how much the fisherman changes from the start to the end. He's desperate to hold on to his daughter, and at first, it's like he'll do anything to try and save her. Though I doubt that changes at the end, you can see that he has accepted her death more than he has at the beginning of the story.

This is just a lovely story all around. Your writing style is by far one of the best I've seen on Mibba. Very well done. (:

omgsh...this is so good. There is so much detail and meaning. This was SO well written!

Oh my god, that was incredible. Your diction was flawless. You rarely repeated verbs which added a lovely texture to your story. That is just the tip of the iceberg though. Not only was your writing good, but your concept was spectacular. This was simply based off of such little stimuli, and it was simply one of the best stories I have ever read on here.

I've rarely ever seen so much attention to details in a story before, especially on a website. Each word isn't wasted and only adds to the story.

At first I thought it was a descriptive Drabble, but instead an incredibly heartbreaking and sweet story. Someone my have already said this, but I thought the fisherman was going to sink something important to him and in

This is the most gorgeous thing I've ever read. I'm quite literally in awe over this.

I think pretty much everyone before me has commented about your beautiful imagery - and it is - but I've always been such a plot-ophile (just made that up, yes) and this blew me away. I was, at first, hesitant about where you were going with the fisherman and if it was going to be another old man dying type thing. HOWEVER, his situation with Lanna and the baby was mind-blowing. When the silk came off the baby I think my heart might've just stuttered.

So completely amazing :) The world should thank you for this contribution.

Background
Was absolutely wonderful.
Story
I loved this, it was so well written I can't say more.

This is heartbreaking in the most beautiful way possible. It's perfect from the way you describe everything to the story itself. I love how, at the end, it's not exactly sad. Kind of that bittersweet feeling, which is my favorite.

This is a perfect example of how stories and writing can be a lot better than movies, for example. I don't think a movie or anything like it could capture the magic and beauty here. Your words paint a picture that could never be replicated in the physical world (in my opinion.

Amazing job. I'm so glad I found this.

I have yet to find such a beautifully written story on all of Mibba. Your grammar is impeccable, and the way in which you deliver the story is absolutely astounding. I had no idea of what I was about to read, as I simply clicked on the link that brought me to the summary page. Whatever possessed me to continue and read this, I thank it humbly. This is just too amazing. The fact that you could fabricate a story of this caliber from a simple, one sentence prompt is just verification of your writing capability. I praise, commend, applaud, and bow in reverence. Simply amazing.

I loved the layout, very beautiful and clear, it suited the story so perfect. Also, the description is just…amazing, the imagery of this story was so realistic and just perfect, to the emotion that surrounded him, and even the life lesson at the end. It was a very beautiful and sad story. Honestly one of the best one shots I’ve read. I’m really speechless. Amazing, wonderful writing. Keep it up!

Oh. My. Gosh.

This is such a beautiful piece that I'm basically speechless, so I might not match your comment on my story.

It is just so - are you sure you're only sixteen? You write like a professional with a college degree.

This idea is just so original. I've never read anything like it anywhere, much less on Mibba.

The imagery, the emotions, just everything here is gorgeous. To the point that I can't find the words to describe it. Its so heart breaking, but at the same time, breathtaking.

The dialoge was so natural and just. Ugh. I have no con crit. None. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

This is just pure literary perfection in its truest form. Never quit writing. Ever. It wouldn't be fair to the world.

In the years that I’ve been on Mibba, I doubt I’ve ever stumbled upon or read such a marvelous story as this one. I’ll admit, I was taken aback when I clicked on the link, because the layout seemed very plain when before it was completely downloaded. Then the background came up and I read the prompt – which is, truthfully, a bit confusing; I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, haha - and all of it suddenly came together. I’m so excited to start reading this gem c:

Your writing has such a lovely, gothic edge to it, what with the descriptions and the pictures that they paint in the reader’s psyche. And I love that you through the reader into a loop with the plot; I expected it to be completely different, with the fisherman throwing the baby into the water after all, but the magical twist at the ending sealed the deal for me. I’m completely in love with this. I don’t think I can describe how much I love this any further without sounding like a loon, lol.

This is a masterpiece, plain and simple. It’s rare that you find gems like this on Mibba these days and I’m so glad that the comment swap feature matched me up with this. What a beautiful story. Amazing, amazing job! <3

Firstly, beautiful layout. I love the background picture! Secondly, your descriptions are superb. The setting really came alive as I was reading. It's a sad and excruciatingly beautiful piece, and I'm really impressed by the scope of it. I will be checking out more of your work.