A Withered Past & A Blurry Future - Comments

Hi there! My apologies on the wait. Stupid hurricane XD

AS I WAS READING

Lucky I don't want any of that >> Luckily I don't want any of that would technically be correct.

The first paragraph is a BIT of an information dump. You pour her drug problem, her living situation and possible future on the reader all at once and it can come across boring.

To fix it up a little bit, I would nix, "I'm cool with an apartment. I hate kids, a dog might be nice, though," because it's just expanding on something already stated. ("Lucky I don't want any of that.")

"Wholy fuck!" I screamed, jumping out of bed. >> "Holy fuck!"

Your dialogue tags are a little messed up, but they're also an easy fix.

"You good now?" She questioned >> Wrong
"You good now?" she questioned >> Right

For more on this, here's a link that might be helpful.

Other than the dialogue tags and a bit of the punctation, you dialogue is great.

I didn't dare drink it, my body would reject it faster than a pretty girl in highschool would reject a band nerd. >> Haha, love this line XD

Oxy Contin >> This is one word. Or you could use oxycodone, which is the fancy name, I believe. I'm no doctor though. Or drug addict, but I do write about one, haha. XD

I'm not sure. I'm half dead at the moment, and my high is setting in. >> The whole story thus far has been in past tense, so this phrase should be as well. I wasn't sure. I was half dead at that moment, and my high was setting in.

I'm guessing we aren't even on the good side of Vegas. A guy opens the door, and grins upon seeing Cristi. He lets me in with a frown. >> This is present tense, too.

He he laughed >> One too many he's here.

WRITING
The writing is a bit choppy, too. A couple examples are:
Lucky I don't want any of that. I'm cool with an apartment. I hate kids. A dog might be nice, though. Maybe. But I'm so far out there. I'm trapped.
And: Great, just great. My eyes fluttered open to see Cristi in front of me. (Also, "in front" is two words.)

These are an easy fix, though. By combing a couple of sentences, you can smooth out the flow a little bit and not feel completely herky jerky.

For example: I'm cool with an apartment and I hate kids. A dog might be nice, though, maybe. But I'm so far out there; I'm trapped.

Seven sentences just became three. Simple(:

There are some awkward things thrown in there, and maybe it's just a personal thing, but these phrases: Drugs do screwed up things to you. or You need to drink things, you know. Things other than liquor.

It almost conflicts her character a little bit. She's been super nonchalant about the drugs previously and now I kind of feel like she's lecturing me.

Maybe a way to clear that up would be to remove the "yous" so she's not so much addressing the reader, as much as herself.

Another thing I've noticed is a couple telling sentences.

An example is: I saw she was waiting for us in her assigned parking spot. Instead of telling us with the "I" just tell us how it is. Jade was waiting for us in her assigned parking spot.. It kind of cuts out the middle man, so to speak.

CHARACTERS
Interesting dynamics here.

You did a good job portraying all their different personalities and they didn't blur together, either.

My only recommendation would be the lecturing thing that Amber did a few times during the chapter.

Other than that, everything else seemed pretty good with them. I like the Jade and Cristi drama, but how Cristi was amicable anyway. Good characterization.

OVERALL
I liked this. The writing is great, it's just a few structural things that need a little work, namely the dialogue tags.

Great job with this and happy writing!

xxx Bee

Hooray ... I was wondering what was going to happen to this story. I guess I better start writing tonight and make up a fight scene lol

AND amazing writing :')

AND amazing writing :')

LOVE the title, dude. Freaking awesome song, and an awesome band <3

I don't think Jade should have to say sorry.

loved the update

Really nice update this story is really great so far I can't wait for the next update keep up the good work!! <3

I'm just as lost as to who the mystery dude is& I'm writing part of the story all I know is dudes name is William ... maybe will-i-am lmao. I need to go to sleep my brain is wondering off to odd places... like the fact that I've never listened to I am ghost & I have no reason to be thinking this, but I am ... I digress

Loved the update. Can't really guess what band because there wasn't very many hints

Amazing. Update soon? <3

Amazing. Update soon? <3

Update! :D

I fucking love this!!

OMG I love this ... I want more! lol