The Key Chased the Blade - Comments

THE SUSPENSE. IT IS KILLING ME SOFTLY XD Man, It's gettin' good!

Dear author, that was amazing and even though i'm not into thriller, I enjoyed reading this. Your summary drew me in but some weird reason I didn't like the word "sick", maybe because I realized from there it had to do with thriller. You have writing skills and you showed that through your beautifully and flowy written chapters. Keep up the great work. Xd

Dear author, that was amazing and even though i'm not into thriller, I enjoyed reading this. Your summary drew me in but some weird reason I didn't like the word "sick", maybe because I realized from there it had to do with thriller. You have writing skills and you showed that through your beautifully and flowy written chapters. Keep up the great work. Xd

This story is absolutely great. I hope you update soon. Your doing good with keeping the reader roped in. (No pun intended :P)

I am very much in agreement with King.Dork :D The short chapters leave me wanting more! I love where this story is going (I don't really know where it's going, but I can't wait until I get there!)

I really love this story. Keeping the chapters short was a good idea and it kept me interested the whole time. Keep up the good work. :)

Again I absoltley live this story

Comment swap tugged me over here, and may I just say how happy I am that it did? I've been looking for a decent horror/thriller/mystery since October started in hopes of scaring myself this Halloween, and I have to say that your writing style has probably given me more jitters than any scary movie I've watched. That's not meant to be offensive; I'm assuming you were going for eery, and you certainly succeeded. I'm definitely going to recommend this piece. Kudos, my friend. Your horror writing is fabulous.

I love this story and the fact that you make it creepy or suspencful or both at the end of the chapters

I love your story. Comment swap did NOT bring me here. >.> Just to let you know I'm not here to just fill in 200 characters.
I LOVE your characters and your writing style. You write with a very creepy/mysterious tone.
The bird thing is kind of confusing me, can't wait to see where that goes!
You do GREAT with imagery. Like the old woman washing, I can almost hear her humming or feel it when Noah got frostbite and all that.
Uhh In all honesty her brothers, like who's who is slightly confusing but that's probably because they're not the main focus so it's okay.
I love both Noah and Simon, they're very original characters. I also love your title. It's very mysterious. Same with your summary.

I love how you said she isn't afraid of anything and laughs and spits in the face of death, that's great for showing that she's a strong character in the beginning and gives you the basic idea of how she is.

Unlike the person below me, I don't think you overuse "I swear" and "Jesus" and "God" I had not noticed they were used very often. :/

:) I love your story, keep it up!

Okay do far I really like your story. Your main character is funny and not the typical Mary Sue, and that is very refreshing. Like the others said, the fact hat Simon is deaf is also refreshing; it adds something that a lot of stories don't have: character. So far nothing about this story has been cliche at all and I look forward to reading more
There is one thing I have a problem with though. You overuse sayings like "I swear" and "Jesus" and "God". It doesn't offend me, it just seems overly excessive and makes your characters seem overdramatic. You also have to consider who's reading your stories because t might offend some people who are sensitive to that kind of thing. I'm not saying don't use it, just it's a bit too much. Happy writing!

Dear Human Shapeshifter,

On behalf of the King, the Legendary Knights of Comment Swappers are here to admonish your lack of originality and praise your interest catching title. It was incredibly difficult to find you, as you keep changing your appearance, so we commend you on alluding us thus far.

However, now that we have found you, the King has a message for you.

We have gone through your summary and declared that it is immensely over used except for the dreadfully horrid women from Noah's dreams. That part of the story has us holding our heads high in anticipation that this story will hold more than it seems and that you were a worthy opponent in our incredibly noble game of Hide and Seek. Now, let me tell you how your story seems at first.
I already said that it was cliche. I should explain.(Also we are taking complete advantage of your welcome of nitpickers, we don't know exactly what you are welcoming but the invitation was sent and we are here for the feast!)

"Noah isn't afraid of anything"- Everyone has fears, and this line doesn't reveal anything about this character. Also, if she isn't afraid of anything I kind of wonder how you can explain she cares for anything? There are more awesome ways of making her sound brave, courageous and noble. For example, check our this whole comment, I'm pretending to be from a Courageous and Just group of Knights who have severe literary goals. That's interesting isn't it?

"When danger comes up to her, she spits in its face and laughs."- This sentence is just unrealistic, how can she spit and laugh at danger? If a car is spinning towards her will she just laugh manically and start spitting away at it's feeble mortality?

"But when people in her town disappear and turn up dead, she and her best friend Simon come to the conclusion that something is up."- This sentence is kind of funny. The way it's written makes it appear that it isn't blatantly obvious that something is up, it's as if the characters are stupid. Just saying that the two main characters are on the train of the mysterious deaths track would be a lot simpler.
"Noah begins to realize that the lady she sees in her dreams washing the bloodstained clothing has something sick to do with all of this."- Leave this to the story, but allude to all the awesome mysteries that are hidden inside. Don't put half the cream ontop of the Orea, things will just get sticky and redundant.
"But will they find the killer, or will her dissipating sanity get her first?" - We already know they are on the trail of the killer! Don't foreshadow that she's going to lose her mind, that'll leave us knowing where the story is going already! Give some unique insights on what might happen!
Good luck writing!

The background behind the text makes it a bit hard to read. Not a big deal, but I just thought I'd point that out.

At first I was really confused about Noah's gender. It's generally a guy's name, but the summary referred to Noah as a girl so I got that part. Then in the first chapter, with the whole "I look like a girl." line, I got even more confused. I think you should clarify it a bit more.

I think Simon is interesting. The whole sign language thing is very unique and it's refreshing.

I like this so far. Your characters are interesting and the humor in this story is well balanced with everything else. The first chapters start a bit slowly for me, though, since they don't show signs of relating to the summary just yet. It's not a huge problem, though, since the chapters are short.

Your descriptions are good and your story flows well also. Overall, good job!

So already, the title drew me in, and that's marvelous, I find many readers here have trouble with that, as I'm sure any writer does. I love that you have a hearing impaired character, that is very unique to any story I've come across on this site too. I love Noah, she reminds me of me when I was a lot younger, and her frank humor is awesome. This is definitely something I'm subscribing to, I really enjoyed this. I just have one suggestion, the background makes the story a little hard to read for me at times, maybe change the color of the text?
OH! And good luck in the contest!

I'm only on chapter two right now but so far this story is SO great! And funny, which is usually something I look for in a story, unless it's supposed to be super sad. ANYWAY, my favorite part in the first two chapters would have to be about the GameBoy getting confiscated being just as traumatic her parents taking away her life, which I totally agree with I'm definitely subscribing to this story!

I'm glad you have entered something in a contest. I like how you used third person in your story but think about trying 1st person on the next story you write (if you haven't already) you'll find it a lot easier and able to explain a lot more. I'm kinda regretting not writing my newest story in 1st person. This is how I've been writing my stories and I'm not exactly proud of them. I'm not sure who exactly you are but I'd try a little bit harder when writing because I've been trying to, too. Don't take it offensive. It's just that when people read they want suspense, they want to be able to close their eyes and picture this character. You may believe this is totally wrong and believe that your story is good. Well good for you! I know when people try to correct my story I get all offensive and totally ignore what they say but if you take some of my advice and maybe write another story in 1st person and at least try to describe things more creatively and take your time some more who knows how "perfect" it will come out. This is a comment swap by the way :) Good Luck on the rest of your story!