Stardust - Comments

The premise of this seems solid, and very intriguing. I do enjoy the darker vibe the story is giving off. Despite the 2012 time stamp it definitely feels like it is set somewhere in, say, the 80's which is definitely that old school Ziggy Stardust touch to it. My only concern as a reader is that is feels a bit jumpy. There seems to be a small discord between some paragraphs which throws me off and I have to go back and read a line to catch myself up again. Also, I do feel like I'm missing something. In reading the existing comments I noticed that there is indeed a prequel. I feel like Kelly's character may need to be fleshed out a little more for readers who have just come in.

You have a very unique form of writing...and i Love it! I really like how well you have describe the characters. Even though I haven't read the prequel I'm already inclined to stick to this story and see where it goes, update sood!!!! Look forward to seeing more of your style.

Comment swap! (My apologies if you put this up for comment swap a while ago, the comment swap feature seems to be glitching.)

First of all, I love David Bowie and am slightly obsessed with him from his Ziggy days, so I'm excited to read this. And from the very first paragraph my excitement is justified. For some reason the way you describe the characters and the events in the story reminds me of Neil Gaiman, and I respect that a lot. You use quirky descriptors that are still clear and easy to read.

this story is sssssoooo unlike anything ive ever read i have to admit you are an amazing writer keep up the good work

awesome start update soon please

So, I'll start off by saying, I'm from comment swap. I haven't read the prequel to this... and I don't know who/what Ziggy Stardust is, or what documentary this is based off of. But you're writing is fantastic and in my opinion flows very nicely. Also, I really like the model who Kelly's based off of. He fits really nicely into my mental image of Kelly. I also really like the layout. It's simple, nice, doesn't hurt my eyes and it looks good. So, I probably wasn't much help, but I think this story is good. If you're having doubts about it, stop writing for a while then pick it back up again when you get inspiration. You're a fantastic writer! Keep up the great work!(:

I really love this. I really do.

Okay there are a few things that I love about this story. There is a scary thing that happened. I kid you not as I read the lines about Where is My Mind I was listening to the Tallywood String Quartet version. I didn't even mean for that to happen. Sorry, I just thought that was really creepy. Now that that freak out is over, I really loved the thought behind your story. My dad listens to David Bowie all the time. The entire premise had a lot of support, but I am sad to say this was not perfect in every way. The dialog could use a bit of sprucing up. It seemed as though the conversations were all a bit forced. This can easily be fixed if you spent a tiny bit of time playing with it a bit more. All in all KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!

Hey comment swap, I havent read the prequel obviously but I found the chapters easy to follow and to understand although as said below more background information would be useful but most readers will you have read the prequel so really im just talking bollocks xD

I really like your layout, it's simple, easy to read but very nice looking :)

I really enjoyed reading this story so far! I love the layout, it goes perfectly with the story in every way. I like the way you describe things, they flow perfectly and which words you choose, it gave me an excellent image in mind of things and the way they play out. I enjoy the way you can feel the characters emotion, there's no overkill, it's described beautifully. The grammar and spelling are pretty much perfect so great job!

I love this story and will be subscribing/recommending :)

Comment swap brought me here. The layout is simple but compliments the story well. You have a great description going and it paints a great picture. Keep up the good work. I will admit I didn’t read the story before it to know what’s going on but - all the same it is still very well written. No grammar or spelling mistakes that I can see, a job well done.

I wasn't confused in the least bit and I haven't gotten around to reading the prequel yet so that's a good, right? I think you could use a little more background information, just a smidge, because I like that you haven't given everything away at once. Your choice of
words is flawess and I've noticed that your writing always flows beautifully. I'm a fan, so I'll stay tuned for more. And may I say that your layout is absolutely lovely? Gosh.

I found this a little confusing, I wasn't really sure of the purpose of this yet? I'm not sure if that's because its just really the introduction or because there's a prequel I haven't read. I didn't see any grammatical errors as far as I could tell.

(Comment Swap) (Chapter 1)
This made fro a fairly easy reading.
If I missed something, maybe more because it's not the story I would choose? Or it just never quite caught me? I can't say I really like the story, unlike others.
Just can't like every subject?
Aside from that, it feels genuin and believable.

I am in love with this story! It's a very interesting concept. I was a bit confused here and there, but was able to find my way back. Maybe you should add a few more details here and there, but over all you are an amazing writer!
Bonus points because I am a bit obsessed with all things Bowie/Ziggy!

This was pretty good, but it was a bit wordy in places, and you kind of lost me in terms of the thread of your story. Have you ever read Hemingway? It was a little like that. Your first paragraph was confusing, but after I read the rest of it I went back and reread it and it made more sense. That being said, I really like this idea, and I don't know what it was about it, but I really liked the summary, it made me want to read your story. Nice way to end it, it makes readers (or at least myself) want to know what happens next.

[Comment Swap]

I like this a lot! I think you have an interesting idea here, so you should definitely keep writing. I was a little confused here or there, so maybe a few more details should be added...I really liked your cliffhanger ended - that's a good way to keep people like me interested :D

Anyways, I really like your writing style. I'll hope to be reading more from you soon!

It's not bad at all. Your choice of words are wonderful, but you should take careful heed to the details you present in this story; although your plot is interesting and your grammar is impeccable, you can't always assume that your readers will know what you're talking about like the Glass Records and such. Not everyone will be aware, and so not everyone will understand. So always keep in mind to write about more details than you should-- just to help keep your readers updated with what this and that means. Other than that, this is a well-written story. Also, I praise that your cliffhanger in the end was great, and definitely leaves enough questions in the readers' minds for you to answer in your following or upcoming chapters. Good job. *thumbs up*

I like it so far though it is just the prologue. Your story idea is very interesting and for some reason, the whole aspect of the story and the fact that it is inspired by Ziggy Stardust, I'm reminded of the movie Breakfast on Pluto. I think it is because I know that this story is going to be flamboyant but very moving at the same time. I can tell it's going to be good!

I find this subject area really interesting, have you watched the film Velvet Goldmine? It may help you write this as although it's (sort of) fiction, it's based upon Bowie's character Ziggy Stardust and captures the whole era and music scene perfectly :)
I really like the layout too.
However I really think you should proof read, you mix up tenses a lot. For example ' The man smiled, and Kelly remembers feeling...'.
Also 'He would like to say 'I told you so' is redundant - that doesn't make sense really.
There are quite a few bits like this which is a shame because it detracts from the story a little bit.
Anyway, good luck and check out the film :) x