Wanna Be Loved - Comments

That was very sexual, good job. ;)
Great chapter.
Update soon, love!

(I'm not done yet) but this line omg "It seemed like a great accomplishment that Delilah had kept a friend that long, given her bitchy attitude and sarcastic tongue." I seriously am beginning to feel like she is slightly based off me lol oops

“How bout after you get done with Anne’s girl, you blow me,”
LMFAO, that line made me laugh so frickin hard!
Update sooooooon.

buhh booom it's going to be a hit. i can just feel it ;D
stoked for the next chapter, bro!!
(i feel like being a surfer it is 1 am don't judge)

I'm honestly intrigued by the first chapter. I love that you didn't spill out the main character's whole life story. I love that there is still mystery. You don't know exactly who Delilah is and I think that gives you a chance to build the character up so we all know exactly who she is why she sleeps with men for a living.

I'm actually really excited to see how Zayn comes in play. Zayn could be two things, a complete asshole or the prince charming here to save her. So I'm excited to see what you do with his character.

I'm actually enjoying this and the imagery you used to describe the events. You're doing a great job, I hope you keep it up.

Alas I don't like One Direction, but I will read it like a normal story.

The layout is nice for the summary, but well, inefficient in the chapters. I was forced to change to standard layout because I could not read the writing. Too light a colour on a light background; I suggest reverting to plain black writing or a dark colour. Remember some people struggle to see different colours so black is always best. Also, the letters are too spaced out and I simply cannot tell them apart, this is quite a serious matter as it prevents people from reading it; get on fixing it ASAP.

First paragraph is too long, space is out a little - it's somewhat daunting to see a massive paragraph stretching out in front of me. And besides, writing layout is everything.

You might want to consider slowing the start down. I'm instantly bombarded with a name and a predicament; lower the reader into things. Some feelings, a little detail and then the important detail and/or predicament.

You substitute 'her' and her actual name for 'the girl' far too much, and I'd like to see some gritty details. Also expanding your sentence length and combining a few would be ideal, but all together you do quite well on that front.

I find it very odd she carries on prostitution for the thrill when she clearly has a relativity stable job. Prostitution doesn't pay very well (unfortunately I've had a friend who's been involved in it) and I find it a little... hard to believe. I doubt however you know a lot about prostitution and the money made from it, and I wouldn't expect you too. You should realise however that your characters reaction and emotional response to prostitution does not match her apparent reasoning.

Your punctuation is good quality, but the story line is some what unoriginal from what I've seen. However no-one ever said that's a bad thing. Take what I've said into consideration and you've got yourself a well written, thought out story. Keep writing <3

PS
Aha I refreshed your page and your layout has changed. It's a massive improvement now, but my computer freezes up every time I try and scroll up to change my comment, sorry.

I got your story from the comment swap feature. Bear with me as this is my first time trying it and also my first time reading anything other than a My Chemical Romance fic.

First, as you stated in you A/N, you definately need some help with your layout. I had to change it to the default layout just to be able to read it. (I would help you, but I'm using Internet Explorer, and the layout maker doesn't work with IE yet.)

I have no clue who Deliliah and Zahn (Did I spell those right?) are, so I read this like an original fic. I thought your descriptions were pretty good. I was able to sense Deliliah's "morning after" mood. I'm slightly confused as to whether she enjoys being a prostitute, if she does it for the money only, or she's ashamed of it. I got all three vibes in different sentences. Another thing is that if Deliliah looked as bad as you described her, (unless he's into "trashy") I doubt the barista would have been flirty and offering his phone number. I just found that a bit unrealistic.

Two suggestions: One is to add in your summary somewhere what fandom this is from if you continue to use the Comment Swap feature, so people like myself will know what (and about who) we're reading. Secondly, double check your formating before you post it. You have a couple of paragraphs butted up next to each other while the rest are separated with an extra line.

While I won't be subscribing (as I have a strict obsession with My Chemical Romance), I did think this was a good start. It had enough to keep the reader interested.

I am really excited about this story! Can you update soon pleeeeeeasssse <3 Like today ;)