Strange - Comments

Hi, I'm a comment swapper. I really like how you have the guys in the band look out for Jo and take care of her even though she's much younger and a sister to one of them. I'm not familiar with this band , but I don't think it matters as I can read their personalities easily.
There are a few grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors throughout, as others stated. Something that's easily caught if you read through it again. Danny's angst was written well, but I'd have liked to see it build up until the confrontation with Jo's brother. It seems like many people like this story. You should consider continuing.

Hey, comment swapper here :) I'm a metal head so I was surprise to get a McFly story to read but I did enjoy it. I like the way you include Jo's history while she is growing up because I reckon that helps us to know her better as a character. The bullies sucked, rotten sods! I did laugh at the part where Danny and Jo got drunk and...I won't give any more away (spoilers and all) but it was funny because it reminded of me of when my mates and I got drunk at a party once and we couldn't remember how we'd even got to the house! Glad everything worked out OK the next morning ;)

If you like Danny JOnes I have a great story! Check it out. I love writing and would love to see how everyone likes it.

Comment Swapper here!

Well, I'll say that I'm a very particular person, for starters. Some would say I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. While I did catch a few things here and there, you should feel accomplished that your story did not send me into a blind rage as many stories have. Your intro was very enticing as well. Keep up the good work :)

@ Jamie Glynn;
Due to personal reasons Swampy will not be updateing any of her fanfics. She is really sorry but will be completeing the story when she can. However, this is not likely to happen for a while.

You need to update, this is great

You should work a bit on your sentence structure. I know it sounds like I'm being a nit-picky English teacher here, but using different sentence structures do make things a bit more interesting. Instead of using short and choppy ones or ones that are really two separate thoughts connected by "and" try to use some sort of sentence that is more descriptive.

But, the overall story is flowing well together. You give enough background information to start off your story, and then you show the relationships between your characters really well. Good work on this and keep it up, because this story has a good original plot going on. :)

From the comment swap.
I didn't catch many grammatical mistakes while reading, although I did notice that there were a couple. Nothing that messed up the flow of the reading though.
Personally, I don't know the characters that you're writing about, so I'm a little lost. Maybe explain them just a bit better?
I really like this story, so keep up the good work!

Comment Swap~

The story is pretty interesting. Grammar is simple and easy to follow. I seen a few mistakes but nothing bad. A layout would be nice for the story. A way to to grab the reader's attention. Overall the story is really nice. :)

First off, there are a few grammar and punctual errors. Some words are spelt wrong and there are comas missing from the places they belong. I'm enjoying this story line but I know barely anything or absolutely nothing about these characters. The one thing you should work on fixing is introducing the characters. Explain the characters personality and physical appearance a bit. Make the readers vision everything and make them have a personal connection with the characters. Keep writing, I'm enjoying it!

-comment swap-
I know nothing about Mcfly, but that didn't stop me from reading this and liking it. I think you did a lovely job of portraying the character. There were a few grammatical errors, but you could have someone proofread for you if you really wanted to get it perfect. Maybe get a layout too, that way it gives the story more jazz. With that being said, I love the plot of the story and I can't wait to read more. :3

*Comment Swap*

I always feel guilty when I get comment swapped a story about a band I know very little about as I don't feel I am deriving the same amount of joy that I would be getting from it if the band were one that I loved personally. However, if the plot is strong enough, it shouldn't matter who the characters are in regards to real or original. That being said, I do like your story. I think that you are writing very appropriately in a voice that does seem to be your own, as some of the bits of Jo are apparently based upon yourself. I think that as some of the previous readers have suggested you might look into a Beta Reader to smooth out some of the grammatical errors but it's not so horrible so to make your story unreadable by any means. I think that with a little work you could really be quite good and at the end of the day I can tell you are writing something YOU enjoy which is the most important thing anyway because the joy shines through in your words. Keep up the good work!

*Comment Swap*
So I'm not a big Mcfly fan. But this story was nice. The plot is really easy to follow and fun. You have some grammar and spelling mistakes though so I suggest you have someone read and correct it. But other than that it's great :)

OMG I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMMENT SWAP:
Great job, aside from the errors. And more details would be great. Always try to use your five senses even though I know its hard to remember at times (Touch, Feel, Smell. Hear, Taste) I tend to forget that from time to time. And if you don't understand something to well you should do research, it always helps. But other than that your doing pretty good :) Update :)

COMMENT SWAP:
Great job, aside from the errors. And more details would be great. Always try to use your five senses even though I know its hard to remember at times (Touch, Feel, Smell. Hear, Taste) I tend to forget that from time to time. And if you don't understand something to well you should do research, it always helps. But other than that your doing pretty good :) Update :)

Thanks for comment swapping :)

Summary:
and to top it all off I'm married to the most beautiful women in the world.
Woman. I doubt he has several wives. :O

*beginning
*characters

I got a little lost at first because I wasn't sure who was narrating. You said "Yes this is Harry Judd, drummer from McFly" which made me think that the narrator was Harry. If not, then the narrator is not at all introduced until the second chapter, which is a bit late in my opinion.

I like the autobiographical nature of your story... like in that, the narrator is writing about himself and he's aware of this. I feel it works like this, otherwise when characters introduce themselves as if they're going to write about themselves and then don't it can be weird.

Instead of writing "time laspe" you can write [ line] WITHOUT the space and it'll look like this:

---

I like that Jo is based on yourself :)

(Comment Swap)

So a few grammar mistakes and I do think that the summary and text is hard to read. I believe you may need a Beta Reader for this story before doing updates and I also believe you portray the members as if they were sixteen year old boys. That's something to remember, if you're going to do it about real people, then make them act like the people they are.

Research properly before you add professional opinions in and you don't need more than one question mark of exclamation mark. Some more detail on characters would be great too, it'd give a proper eye to the reader then.

I'm from comment swap :) first of I like the first chapter a Timon ^_^ I found it really cute. There was a few grammar mistakes, but I honestly shouldn't be talkig since I make then all the time. (I suggest having a friend look it over before posting it. That's what I do :D) anyyyywayyyyyys I like the concept of the story a lot! It flowed easily, and wasn't hard to follow at all. Like the person below, the plot seems a tad bit predictable. Overall, it's amazing. Good job =^•^=

I'm from comment swap. First off, there are quite a few grammar mistakes but I'm not one to talk. I like your concept of tracking someone's life from the beginning and it isn't something I've seen before. I like your flow and it was simple but fairly easy to follow. The plot seems a bit predictable but I like it as it doesn't seem too complex or confusing. Overall, it's a good story and can go places :) Keep updating :)