Strange - Comments

*Comment Swap*

Your summary was very hard to read, I think it's the gray text on a black background. I had to click the custom layout thing in order to read it.

I thought it was different how you're telling the story from a 30 year old married father's point of view. However, the way you write isn't how a 30 year old man thinks. It was very hard to believe that it was actually an adult telling the story. You also have a quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes that need to be looked over. Begining = Beginning. Just an example.

I myself have had laser eye surgery and I don't know if you've done research or not but I was about 10 when I had all three done. So, you don't have to be 18. Just a heads up. (:

You do not need to have tons of question marks after a question in a story. One is fine.

I kind of just found the first chapter very hard to follow, I'm sorry. You may want to think about having a beta's help with your story.

I found this story via comment swap!

Okay, there are a few grammar mistakes as well as spelling, but I didn't really go crazy about them. I love the plot, I really love Jo's personality, and I really enjoy the relationship everyone has with her.

This story is something I would read if I wanted to get away from the usual genre I read. So kudos to you :)

I was brought here by Comment Swap (:

I really liked this. It was easy to follow. I did notice a few grammatical issues, but let's face it; we all have them. You should definetly keep it update. I feel like this story could go places! And with your writing, you could to! Keep up the sensational work! (:

Comment Swapper: I really liked it :) as someone said before it does sound a little teenish (if that makes sense) what with the extra use of question marks and capitalization in the dialogue. Other than that it's still well written, everything makes sense, it's easy to follow.. apart from a few grammatical errors you've done really well :) My advice would be to maybe ask someone to read through it if you're not too sure what to do with the grammar, there are loads of people you can ask even on here that would be happy to read through your work and help you out. Keep up the good work :)

This is quite good!

sorry, i hit submit by mistake, i was not done lol. despite those few things, i find the flow of your text is actually quite well put; nothing happens too fast, but with a pace that gives backbone. My advice is to read your work out loud; this will give natural hints as to where commas and semicolons might be useful. good luck with your work!

sorry, i hit submit by mistake, i was not done lol. despite those few things, i find the flow of your text is actually quite well put; nothing happens too fast, but with a pace that gives backbone. My advice is to read your work out loud; this will give natural hints as to where commas and semicolons might be useful. good luck with your work!

Comment Swap: I'm sorry but i just couldn't get into your story. The writing feels a bit juvenille and there are many spots where syntaxual repair is needed

Awww poor Jo having nightmares D: cant wait for the next update

"Comment Swapper"
Wow! I've never read a Mcfly story before. I like this so far. I've never read a story where they kind of go through the life of the characters. It kind of just starts from one point, a few throw backs, and then goes to present again. I don't know. lol. But yes, I read the first to chapters and I definitely liked it. Keep it up. :)

@k9master2 - Its cool Comment Swap should realise when you have commented on a story already

Wait, Danny Jones from McFly? Be still my beating heart! I never come across these. The storyline is good, I shall give you that. It just became painful to read thriugh the spelling and grammatical errors. Definitely start proofreading before posting. And double space between each paragraph and dialogue. Other than that, goos job doll.

I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry that I am doing this but Comment swap sent me here. I still love the book though!

I really like this book. I agree with the comment below, that you really need to go back and advise your work so you can correct simple mistakes that everyone (even I do it a lot. DO NOT FEEL BAD. IF YOU FEEL BAD THAN I'LL FEEL BAD.) makes. I have a book on this website and Wattpad called Ignacio. I would be honored if you would read it. I really like this book and hope you write some more. Have a wonderful day!

I was sent here via comment swap.

I terrified myself by clicking on this whilst listening to McFly, haha! Weirdest coincidence ever. I love McFly, so I'm probably going to have a lot of positive things to say.

I really like the fact that you've started by telling everyone about Harry and his reaction to having a little sister. Also, I love the little bits of comic humour you've added in. You've got Dougie's characterisation down to a T (he's my favourite, jussayin' ).

I did, however, notice quite a few technical inaccuracies when I was reading. You've missed out a few commas here and there, and your description is quite stilted in places. I'd advise reading through what you've written aloud, just to find where you pause when reading. This should be where you add in punctuation. Also, work a little more on adding more depth into your sentences, but that will come with time. Considering this is your first story, you're doing a pretty good job. You've got the bare bones of a good story here, just work on it a little more and it could be great!

i just read the first chapter, very exciting and interesting.
really well written. Its getting late, so will read chapter 2 tomorrow. great work Swampy LJW

Nawww so cute and sad at the same time and Writers block is the worst D: but awesome update

This Story is really good so far cant wait to read more :D