August 27th, 2012 at 05:29pm
Midnight Love - Comments
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Why you kill Maddie whhhhhyAugust 25th, 2012 at 01:26am
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Fuck bertAugust 25th, 2012 at 12:03am
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If Bert comes back i'm going to kill himAugust 22nd, 2012 at 01:07am
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FUCK BERT i really had forgotten about him...August 21st, 2012 at 06:07pm
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They are so cuteAugust 19th, 2012 at 11:07pm
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i love this book its great so far :)
16 not 13August 19th, 2012 at 09:24pm -
They have to find him and kill him so that he doesnt fuck up the weddingAugust 17th, 2012 at 02:03am
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Do you keep calling him Bret on purpose or? But I love this story so far! It's unique. XoAugust 16th, 2012 at 11:49pm
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Kill him GeeAugust 16th, 2012 at 01:50am
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Frank might not be able to be a wolf anymore that's someone go kill Bert right nowAugust 13th, 2012 at 06:36pm
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Comment swap sent me here.
I'm not the biggest fan of the layout. It seems a little bit too cluttered, but that doesn't mater. Also, your story title contains tags, which is against the mibba rules, so I'd suggest removing the second part before someone reports that.
The first line should probably be split into several sentences. You us 'as he' a lot, and the sentence just doesn't flow very well. You should also be taking a new line when you start a line of dialogue, instead of crushing it all into the one paragraph. There are a few typos, so I'd suggest looking over your chapters as well, just to make sure you aren't leaving the typos in. Some of yout grammar could also be looked at, some sentences need to be broken up using commas and the suchlike.
Now onto the good, as I feel like a Nazi pointing out all of the bad! You have a really good story idea here, albeit slightly overused, but you've managed to make it your own, which is excellent. I've not seen many werewolf-vampire fics where there is only one of each, it's usually like two against two, so that's pretty good. If you just sort out the grammar issues, you'll have a really good story here. Well done! :)August 12th, 2012 at 02:14pm -
I love MCR and I love this story! It's amazing, I can't stop reading it(: I started reading when comment swap brought me here and then I couldn't stop, it's really great. Update soon!!(:August 12th, 2012 at 08:49am
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You fucking bitch how could you give us a cliffhanger lol jk no but really how could you do that to usAugust 11th, 2012 at 01:11am
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Commenting... Now update! Luv ya! ;)August 10th, 2012 at 09:47pm
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Save him Gee save himAugust 9th, 2012 at 02:58am
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Do do do do! Super Gee to the rescue!!! Ha I <3 this story.August 8th, 2012 at 10:03pm
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That Mutha Fucking Ass Hole I hope Gee finds him and kills himAugust 4th, 2012 at 02:51am
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I wanna find out!!!August 3rd, 2012 at 05:25pm
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Is that bert that better not be bertAugust 1st, 2012 at 11:35pm
(presses button)
I have entered my final answer! >:D