First, you should correct you grammar. Capitalization and punctuation is definitely a big deal. The diction could be cleaner in order to prevent awkward sentences like ",Her body was extra curvy like a coke bottle but better." I wouldn't mind helping you edit in my spare time. Here to help. You have a good concept going, just clean it up a bit.
Great story. I would recommend more organization in the paragraphs though.Organizational writing makes it easier to read which could possibly get more readers.